also that guy Ousghshdjeh i keep rereading journal entries from after i see him and it makes me want him so bad I truly feel like the truest version of myself around him bc i know he’s not gonna be put off by me nor is he going to get weird/creepy ab my quirks Truly the only person i’ve been able to fall asleep beside too
kodak
i remember 2 years ago just laying awake in bed every time my then gf would sleep over and having to lie and pretend i actually slept so i wouldn’t hurt her feelings May 20 2026 at this guy’s house laid down next to him on the couch Woke up w my head flush against his upper leg about 6 inches away from his crotch He did not lean into it nor did he make any effort See More to move away
about 11 hours ago
about 11 hours ago
also funny af how she had no problem w any of my situationships except devious white boy… radio silence when my ex gf was cancelling every day to go cheat on me w my other friend Nothing ab the guy i was seeing who was doing a shit ton of coke and molly every day then calling me on the phone while i was in class (time zone difference also he lives in europe) bc he eloped while intoxicated and got lost Also actively encouraged me to keep seeing this one guy who i actively stated See More i had no feelings for but she did not fw the guy ive liked for two years who has approached me with more gentleness and understanding than anyone else i know Literally a man who i would say deserved sm better than the person i was before this summer and has probably had every right and reason to just walk away from me but chose to stick around
about 11 hours ago
former best friend posting ab me on twitter Loser shit imma post about her on qfeast
she made a post about how she took a pic of me and the guy i liked n i said “we look like isaiah and ethel cain” n she thought i meant some couple shit Bro isaiah trafficked murdered and cannibalized her i said that shit cuz we were posed up in front of a church dressed like them looking evil as fuckk
about 12 hours ago
about 12 hours ago
local girl convinced she is having heart attack and will die tonight (i’m not overweight, i don’t have heart disease or diabetes, i dont rly drink or smoke much these days, i walk a lot, and i dont drink soda or eat fast food or much oil at all aside from some olive oil + butter on my toast)
yesterday
sometimes i see a relic from the past
guys Wyd if you walk into a guy’s apartment and he has a love letter you wrote him in 2024 hanging on his wall eye level in the center of all the drawings and scraps and collagey stuff he has on the wall
on Tuesday
on Tuesday
more updates hehehe
-played another lake show!!
-music has become more central to my life than ever (it always has been but now i have enough time and energy to do it and im also good enough now to not really be shy about it anymore) i’ve been playing a lot, like several hours a day.
-on the topic of music i impulse bought another guitar. $50 at the thrift store. it’s a beginner level classical guitar and i love it it sounds so very nice and ive been very inspired to write See More since buying it
-for the first time since i moved to chicago i think we’re getting a real fall. 40-65 degrees for weeks instead of immediate drop from 80-30. i love it.
-have been really into cutting people off. i’ve just decided i have no tolerance for certain things anymore and accepted that i am not “mean” for cutting off contact even if there is no closure or explanation. it is my life and i am in control of what i who i want in it idk
-related to that man ive been doing so incredibly well since ending my friendship w/ nadia. two weeks makes officially 5 months since we last talked, make it 6 not counting the final argument we had. i feel like i’ve grown so much as a person, and according to our mutual “friend” (she does not really like her anymore either but keeps her around to keep tabs) she has only continued to spiral further down this weird pipeline of internal misogyny and constant self destruction + still talks shit ab me publicly on social media platforms im not even on lol. i find it kinda hard to even feel bad for her anymore.
-my other friendships feel much healthier now that she’s gone. i have a real supportive network of people for the first time. and especially music friends lots of music friends who i can sing with!!!
-love life has still been pretty dull. honestly have not had genuine interest in anyone since The White Boy of 2024. have had many suitors. had a man tell me in response to being told right off the bat that i don’t want a relationship that “it’s ok and he doesn’t expect anything, at least not right now” i can already tell im about to be 500 days if summered so bad. have been trying to make plans w WB but both of us are super overbooked work wise. next time i see him i want to hash things out, at least make sure he knows why ive been lowkey crazy. i kinda meant to have that convo when i saw him last time but neither of us were feeling well so we just basically napped half the hangout.
-made soup today it was so yummy.
-i picked up a 7-2 tmr at my amazing job that i love so much. can’t sleep tho bc my period’s ab to start and im experiencing the same weird nausea i always get 5 days before my period and its making me anxious.
-played another lake show!!
-music has become more central to my life than ever (it always has been but now i have enough time and energy to do it and im also good enough now to not really be shy about it anymore) i’ve been playing a lot, like several hours a day.
-on the topic of music i impulse bought another guitar. $50 at the thrift store. it’s a beginner level classical guitar and i love it it sounds so very nice and ive been very inspired to write See More since buying it
-for the first time since i moved to chicago i think we’re getting a real fall. 40-65 degrees for weeks instead of immediate drop from 80-30. i love it.
-have been really into cutting people off. i’ve just decided i have no tolerance for certain things anymore and accepted that i am not “mean” for cutting off contact even if there is no closure or explanation. it is my life and i am in control of what i who i want in it idk
-related to that man ive been doing so incredibly well since ending my friendship w/ nadia. two weeks makes officially 5 months since we last talked, make it 6 not counting the final argument we had. i feel like i’ve grown so much as a person, and according to our mutual “friend” (she does not really like her anymore either but keeps her around to keep tabs) she has only continued to spiral further down this weird pipeline of internal misogyny and constant self destruction + still talks shit ab me publicly on social media platforms im not even on lol. i find it kinda hard to even feel bad for her anymore.
-my other friendships feel much healthier now that she’s gone. i have a real supportive network of people for the first time. and especially music friends lots of music friends who i can sing with!!!
-love life has still been pretty dull. honestly have not had genuine interest in anyone since The White Boy of 2024. have had many suitors. had a man tell me in response to being told right off the bat that i don’t want a relationship that “it’s ok and he doesn’t expect anything, at least not right now” i can already tell im about to be 500 days if summered so bad. have been trying to make plans w WB but both of us are super overbooked work wise. next time i see him i want to hash things out, at least make sure he knows why ive been lowkey crazy. i kinda meant to have that convo when i saw him last time but neither of us were feeling well so we just basically napped half the hangout.
-made soup today it was so yummy.
-i picked up a 7-2 tmr at my amazing job that i love so much. can’t sleep tho bc my period’s ab to start and im experiencing the same weird nausea i always get 5 days before my period and its making me anxious.
on Monday
geordie greep situation is so upsetting What the fuckk
i don’t think the incident is necessarily career ending as it stands (unless more info comes out that proves otherwise) like i think he needs to take some time out of the public eye to better himself + prove he’s changed after the fact but the fact that he’s doubling down on his narrative does not leave me feeling hopeful
8 days ago
have been following his music for quite a long time i dont listen as much anymore but still enjoyed his solo album + his work w/ black midi this is… was rly hoping the initial allegations were fake/slander or a huge misunderstanding and ig they were to some extent bc it was not what the third party claimed but i’ve read both his statement and the victim’s and See More Yeahhh not looking good
8 days ago
8 days ago
weirdass arc wtf
-hosted another lakeshow. magical. i want to devote my life to diy
-stalker has let up for now but i still am lowkey paranoid. i dread running into him/his friends in my neighborhood.
-stalker in question exposed me to that dude im into. straight up hit him up “she’s weird and she wants you so bad” worst case scenario shit. he did not gaf, blocked/reported my stalker, talked me thru the whole thing and we chatted a lot. i want to see him soon once both of us See More are less busy but im also nervous bc i feel like a talk is coming. i kinda felt like it after the last 9hr hangout where we took multiple naps and at the train station he was very touchy w/ me but after it was brought up directly by a third party… yeah elephant in the room is doing tricks now i fear.
-i currently have several people trying to pursue me. it’s taking everything in me not to j ghost all of them bc im so very not interested goodness gracious i like that boy so bad i hate it
-learning how to code and working on a website
-playing ocarina of time
-hosted another lakeshow. magical. i want to devote my life to diy
-stalker has let up for now but i still am lowkey paranoid. i dread running into him/his friends in my neighborhood.
-stalker in question exposed me to that dude im into. straight up hit him up “she’s weird and she wants you so bad” worst case scenario shit. he did not gaf, blocked/reported my stalker, talked me thru the whole thing and we chatted a lot. i want to see him soon once both of us See More are less busy but im also nervous bc i feel like a talk is coming. i kinda felt like it after the last 9hr hangout where we took multiple naps and at the train station he was very touchy w/ me but after it was brought up directly by a third party… yeah elephant in the room is doing tricks now i fear.
-i currently have several people trying to pursue me. it’s taking everything in me not to j ghost all of them bc im so very not interested goodness gracious i like that boy so bad i hate it
-learning how to code and working on a website
-playing ocarina of time
19 days ago
21 days ago
30 days ago
rare sunday off it’s rainy so im watching heated rivalry and talking to the boy in my phone + waiting for it to stop raining so i can walk to staples and get stuff to ship my depop orders in tomorrow.
on September 20
being tortured today. had to leave work early cuz my stalker called me from an unknown number screaming at me and threatening to kill me and i had a panic attack so bad i literally almost threw up for the first time since i was 14 and also found out he contacted several of my friends including the guy i have the most agonizing crush on. i also broke no contact with The Devious Dutchman. ghosted several of my friends. getting ready for bed for 12 hr shift tomorrow “oh your grandma See More is sick” “oh no that sucks” “like she’s sick sick she’s got maybe 2 hours left if that” What the fuckk. finally calm down from grandma incident check phone before bed Small talk convo from guy im into. i am not sleeping tn i will be dead during my 12 tmr.
on September 19
i did not bleed all over the back of a stranger’s car omw to the hospital to get stitches after shattering a pitcher in my hands during a short staffed sunday morning rush for an influencer to be role playing a barista position at a shitty corporate owned coffee shop
on September 11
i can’t believe my chemistry w this guy is so strong it’s raised hell in i think 3 separate relationships
on September 10
decided to open instagram and check likes on a very pretty video of me in my new coat… Half my roster in there plus the drummer from she’s green and an evil presence from high school. literally went “oh haha nice Oh hi kevin Why the fuckk is The Dutchman there”
on September 09
i need to get off depop so bad oh my god
“oh it’s only $15 yay” (this is like my third $15 clothing item this week not including my coat which was like 60)
on September 04
on September 04
on September 04
photo someone took of me at a show when my friends and i climbed the wall to get a better view
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on September 04
on September 04