kafka

recent updates
-ex gf started dating the “friend” of mine who went after her immediately after we split which im really not cool with
-my boss accidentally overpaid me and i got hella scared but its cool and im just gonna not clock in my next shift so it balances out
-had band rehearsal yesterday which was neat i screamed my head off
-seein some friends later
-went to a party a few days ago which was neat

alsoo doin sm better ab the breakup dont get me wrong i am devastated and hella disappointed in the “friend” who’s pursuing her bc who fuckingg does that but every once in a while i remember smth like how she pinned me down with my arms out crucifix style and kissed me 39 times (bc thats how many times they whipped jesus) and how she used to literally go flying if i as much as touched her lower back bc she was super ticklish and how she had this odd slightly sweaty almost earthy?? See More▼ smell?? like she smelled like dirt but not in a musty way she smells like digging in the dirt as a child

been a while…
-i love my job so much guys im
not scheduled this week (average barista schedule moment) and genuinely im devastated
-found a sandwich i like at work also, im so picky but guys CHICKEN RED PEPPERS AND PESTO!!!!
-made muffins for a party last night and then got crunk brea party arc is alive and well (in moderation)
-i made a band lmao

thinkibg ab when me n my friends saw crywank together (2nd time seeimg crywank) n we smoked like 5 joints between the 3 of us and called it “highwank” and at the end of the night my stupid ass got stuck in a tree and then we went to 7/11 and bought like $20 worth of snacks

waiting for my first paycheck to clear so i can buy ciggyrette

best weight loss straregy: wlw breakup (ive lost a ridiculous amount of weight and i think my body is actually starting to shut down)

never understood kinning til i rewatched tuca and bertie, i am ACTUALLY bertie songthrush on a level thats actually atrocious

literally witnessed a robbery today?? was in a park n these 3 guys in ski masks n hoodies showed up n i was like “huh” and sat there for a good 30 seconds while they went up to some guy n took something from him ran n he chased after them n then i realized what was going on and left LMFAO cant a gal get blitzed in peace

made coffee for some guy named jared earlier today and my brain immediately jumped to “who’s jared? what’s pegged?” and it took every ounce of strength in my body not to giggle

got atrociously, diabolically high and climbed a tree (3/4 of a bigass spliff😭 plus i havent smoked much in months) i also have not eaten much of anything since like monday and i’m pretty much waiting for my body to give out complete atp

updates
-i feel like ive been replaced but apparently it doesnt count since they're not acting on their feelings and its only sligghtly??? im so fuckking hurt especially bc the person they’re thinking ab rebounding with confessed feelings less than 2 weeks after finding out we split and has clearly been waiting for us to break up and ive been saying that for months now. we were also still seeing one another just without the pressure of a relationship and she seemed to wuit reciprocating See More▼ the moment thus person jumped in. im also devastated bc i thought this person was a rly good friend. we used to birdwatch together and had plans to write together bc theyre a rly talented songwriter. i cut her off after finding out and im also mourning that friendship.
-considering buying cigarettes again just to get this over with faster lmao
-work is cool tho
-also my friends r cool
-and ive been writing songs about it
-im just so exhausted and i dont think it will get better and i feel like im gonna inevitably die of malnutrition soon i have not been anywhere near this skinny since i started high school my face is starting to hollow out and i look like a ghost god i just want to feel pretty again

remember titanthehedghe

does anyone remember that one person i forget their name but they made that one post that was like “i am an ultimately rare aries and im the only aries in the world and aries are friends with leprechauns…” and it kept going i NEED that post!!!!its been deleted im pretty sure and its driving me crazy that i cant remember it😭

spoilers x

finally watched south park pandemic special😭 randy bestiality arc is insane

south park brainrot is real ehy did i have a dream about randy marsh blowing up chicago

updates
-still very in love w her but i feel less attached. i can live without her but i cant see myself being happy w/ anyone else and to fall asleep i fantasize about coming home to her after work and making us tea and sitting down to read together on the couch
-started my job!! 4th day tomorrow, i love it very much, a literal dream
-saw baby ducks today
-where is my period

kinda miss 2020. everything was going to shit but at least we wanted to do something. people actually cared about things and were actually taking to the streets and advocating for a change?? now there is a genocide going on in palestine and regardless of who wins the election we r headed straight for fascism. why aren’t we DOING ANYTHING.who u vote for doesn’t rly even matter, the dems have known about project 2025 and have done nothing to stop it. the two party system is an illusion See More▼ to turn the people against one another and the real enemy is the government. and the fact that we are even choosing THE LEADER OF OUR COUNTRY through “the lesser of two evils” logic is crazy. like i don’t see how everyone is being so normal about it, its insane. we don’t need to be arguing with people over it and getting in petty internet altercations, we need a revolution. its literally the only option

updates, not much but very important ones
-the breakup has been rough. i took it sooo hard and my bpd turned into a dragon but im feeling much better today and i still love her dearly and am looking forward to seeing her more as friends. i do hope we can be lovers again someday in the future but it isn’t an idea that i want to swallow me whole.
-I GOT A JOB and im actually EXCITED about it!!! my nightmare throughout this entire job search was that i was gonna have to go far out See More▼ of the city and i’d be stuck working late shifts a minimum wage fast food job but im working at a GORGEOUS european bakery in a rly beautiful part of town and the manager is super kind and we seem to have some very similar values
-slowly but surely, im putting myself back together. im nowhere near there yet. it still feels like i’m being torn apart when i think about what we had, but it isn’t the end of the world. im finding joy in the little things again

i should learn french