identishit
shit
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i’ve been tweaking out bc i want to initiate contact w/ the friend of mine i like and i don’t wanna make it weird but last summer when we were talking the first time he initiated non-just a friendly hug contact he did so by telling me a story ab the time he greened out and yakked out the window and miming it ON ME “ok so you’re the windowsill” *hand on shoulder, leans into me* (literally would not have been that weird if i was not absolutely terrified of vomiting i was sitting See More there like 😃)
i do not think that me being like “im tired” and sorta leaning against his shoulder will freak him out
i do not think that me being like “im tired” and sorta leaning against his shoulder will freak him out
on August 10
invited this guy to a show and was so scared that he’d say no. he’s probably gonna go and now im anxious cuz hes gonna be there (he’s gone to so many of my shows.)
on August 07
last summer’s situationship has been sending me heart reactions again…. oh brothers
thought it was a fluke bc after we called things off he would mostly use 👍 and throw them in on occasion but now he’s j defaulting to it again i’m gonna read into this too much
on July 20
on July 19
hopefully seeing The Guy on sunday and i have no idea when my period is supposed to start. i swearrrr if it shows up before im supposed to see him again he better live up to his vampire hyperfixation or something like that
update: it started immediately before i went to his place😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 (however he told me he thinks i’m magical bc i can do latte art and also is trying to get furniture for me so close enough)
on July 15
on July 05
my life is literally chapter 7 of the bell jar like too specifically
on June 14
“separate the art from the artist” works so good til its someone in your own scene😭 rly liked this one semi-well known local artist and was even looking to book her for a couple gigs found out a few months ago shes the one who cheated on that friend im into and now i refuse to work w/ her
on May 28
today i told my best friend i “don’t really care enough to be upset anymore” and then proceeded to give myself chest pains over texting the boy i like again
literally wasnt even being nefarious/making plans/playing games w/ him his dog died and i was checking up on him i didnt need to raise my blood pressure over “hey, i saw your post about your dog, so sorry for your loss”
on May 24
on May 24
guy im into’s middle/last name sounds like italian brainrot (he is italian)
on May 22
my demon cant come to my show he hates me (he has a business trip) (this literally works out in my favor bc i want to play the song i wrote about him but i dont want the first time he hears it to be a live performance especially a bigger one like this)
i wanna invite him to my new apt when i move and burn incense and play it for him on a hot summer night with the windows open and the fairy lights on
on May 12
on May 12
went on a picnic w a model today and he j talked about johnny marr the whole time
on May 08
he hates me he hates me HE HATES ME!!!!! (he waited in the rain for me for like an hour after i severely underestimated my eta and walked me to the train station, right by his house while i thought i was walking him home, while carrying his bag and guitar and visibly shivering)
on May 01
got my period so early could it have not waited til after i saw the white demon...
on April 29
gorgeous masc lesbian bassist gave me her insta offered to tat me… i am soooo going to fumble this for the permanently exhausted emotionally unavailable depressed skater boy who seems to do something slightly weird and off-putting every time i see him and somehow it only makes me more fascinated???
on April 27
evil demon sweetie angel cancelled on me he hates me HE HATES ME (he texted me at 4pm that he didn’t feel good and had slept thru our plan and apologized profusely for forgetting to set an alarm and i told him not to be sorry and he apologized for apologizing)
literally worked out for the better anyways bc i forgot i was out of film apart from some rly low iso stuff that would have come out super under exposed
on April 29
on April 24
seeing the evil demon sweet princess angel next week
im scared even tho this man has actually done things that have surprised me in order to get a lil extra time w me (or i am overthinking and insane)
on April 16
on April 16
i think for the first time since we broke up i actually genuinely feel ok ab things regarding my situation w/ my ex gf, im over her for real and i just dont rly care ab it anymore. ofc she did shitty things but its kinda??whatever idc im fine now and i can look back on the past without feeling sad ab things. she sent me a happy birthday text a day late and i didn’t rly get sad or angry iirc i j sorta laughed n was like “thanks”. im even looking at apartments in the neighborhood See More we used to talk about moving to and i didn’t even think about that til today
(also the weird white boy i hang out with sometimes lives in a neighborhood like 20 away by foot. one of us is going to end up pregnant. its gonna be him.)
on April 05
on April 05
im sorta coming to the realization that i think ive become somewhat of an avoidant which might be mildly concerning i think
i think a lot of the second one tho might j be bc ive had too many bad experiences with people who liked me being soooo weird about it why do i always attract men who want me to fix all their problems!!!!!
on March 29
idk for sure tho?? might not be the right word for it??? i do not like actually dealing with situations and anytime a friend of mine starts getting “”overly friendly”” w me/bordering rimantic interest i get scared
on March 29
on March 29
i miss that one summer on here where we all came back at the same time and there was that one fake qfeast account and we were like posting pictures of our feet and stuff and i vividly remember someone putting the sandy cheeks/taxi drawing (you know the one…) on here and i saw that while i was really high and i laughed so hard it almost made me throw up
related sorta i think about the bluethequizwhiz feet clapping gif we used to use in the discord all the time i kinda want it to use no context w/ my non qfeast friends
on March 29
on March 29
got a day late birthday text from my ex gf the other day after having a whipped cream can explode on me at work her evil ass…
on March 28