identishit

i fear my bar is set so high when it comes to relationships idk what to even do about it. he is perfect. truly everything i want in a guy but it’s at the point where i like him too much and there’s too much at stake im likeeee 90% sure he’s still into me based on how he acts towards me and such but honestly even just being his friend is so precious to me and i don’t wanna ruin that over a “hey btw ur everything i’ve ever wanted” moment

i have two friends on chess dot com. i’ve kissed them both on the mouth

boy i like took me to the movies

calling my ex “the white demon” “the felon” “the devil from hell” and then every interaction between us is just him making tea for me and him apologizing 40 times for no reason

every time I re-read the bell jar it makes me giggle bc at one point esther goes on a date with a guy named constantin and she wants to sleep with him to get revenge on the guy she’s dating for having an affair but constantin j wants to lay in bed w her and hold hands and i had this exact experience with a man who i leant the book. his middle name is in fact constantin and he did in fact j want to lay in bed and hold hands

i think my red flag is that like 60% of the time i can’t have sex without saying some bullshit and it ruins the mood

ice cream after getting choked by a guy who actually knows how to properly choke someone in bed and doesn’t just fuckking squeeze ur windpipe so it hurts my life is so awesome rn

14 hr hangout/date? with a 5’6” blonde haired blue eyed eyeliner wearing man named link 2016 j is losing her absolute shit rn

in a precarious situation rn cuz i’ve realized i like.. actually like this guy as a person and not just the idea of him. he came to my house with the ipad kid cough last week and casually told me that he had a dream that made him almost piss the bed and and also he got conventionally less attractive (by societal standards i still think he’s super cute) am i cooked guys be honest Be

ghosting a pretty girl who asked me on a date cuz i hung out w the weird white boy… He has a criminal record but he pours my tea for me and says my stuffed animals r cute

i’ve been tweaking out bc i want to initiate contact w/ the friend of mine i like and i don’t wanna make it weird but last summer when we were talking the first time he initiated non-just a friendly hug contact he did so by telling me a story ab the time he greened out and yakked out the window and miming it ON ME “ok so you’re the windowsill” *hand on shoulder, leans into me* (literally would not have been that weird if i was not absolutely terrified of vomiting i was sitting See More there like 😃)
i do not think that me being like “im tired” and sorta leaning against his shoulder will freak him out

invited this guy to a show and was so scared that he’d say no. he’s probably gonna go and now im anxious cuz hes gonna be there (he’s gone to so many of my shows.)

last summer’s situationship has been sending me heart reactions again…. oh brothers

hopefully seeing The Guy on sunday and i have no idea when my period is supposed to start. i swearrrr if it shows up before im supposed to see him again he better live up to his vampire hyperfixation or something like that

my life is literally chapter 7 of the bell jar like too specifically

“separate the art from the artist” works so good til its someone in your own scene😭 rly liked this one semi-well known local artist and was even looking to book her for a couple gigs found out a few months ago shes the one who cheated on that friend im into and now i refuse to work w/ her

today i told my best friend i “don’t really care enough to be upset anymore” and then proceeded to give myself chest pains over texting the boy i like again

guy im into’s middle/last name sounds like italian brainrot (he is italian)

my demon cant come to my show he hates me (he has a business trip) (this literally works out in my favor bc i want to play the song i wrote about him but i dont want the first time he hears it to be a live performance especially a bigger one like this)

went on a picnic w a model today and he j talked about johnny marr the whole time