GhostyToesty - Page 89

im so confused whats been going on the past 24 hours whats with this chaotic stupid shit-

i have 2 reasons im still alive
1- i havent died yet
2- i have started a daily meme thing

its weird how i make obvious symptoms so i can get better or accomodations i need and they're ignored

vent again
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theyd be fine without me. im pretty much just extra. she has friends, she hates me shell be fine. my dad wont spend as much money everyone can have a little more. mom wont have to deal with me being hyper every night, my secrets or my suicidal ass. my friends do perfectly fine without me, they have other friends and i usually am just dragged along. they would pass their classes, be fine. My girlfriend wouldnt have to have my trauma dumped on her, she wouldnt need to lie to anyone or worry about me, i wouldnt be there so less anxiety for everyone. i can do without myself too. i dont say anything to my therapist cause i dont want home to be called. i swear if imake it to 15 id be surprised.

haha i had trouble eating today.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmicrowavemmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

i almost passed out today *again*
fun aint it..

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https://www.amazon.com/String-Babies-Plastic-Earrings-Decorations/dp/B08K8J69K8/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?crid=1PJQJEGIY4S0S&keywords=worms+on+strings&qid=1645128686&s=toys-and-games&sprefix=worms+on+strings%2Ctoys-and-games%2C203&sr=1-3-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEySlpEVFlUVzhHVlExJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNTA5ODYyM05XVTFPU0FXSkJZOSZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNzg5NzQ0MlQ4T1dQMDRaNVpRRCZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=

DO I OR NOT

im going to buy $100 worth of worms.

i kinda wanna just randomly disappear

hmmm bridges

some reason i feel like every time i make someone happy i get more negative-

tbh if it werent for me "faking" depression like 3-4 years ago i wouldve never had any diagnoses or the mental help im getting for the shit i actually do have

??? ???? ?????? ???? ????? ????? ???? ???????? ????? ???.

also my vent-depressy-about-my-life posts aren't for anyone to vent under. they're just there because i dont have a reliable vent source. this site is pretty much the only I have.

lets add onto "oh but you have a perfect life"
then why do i immediately assume my sister is gonna hurt me when she raises her arm

dont you hate it when youre so sarcastic they think you're serious.
then offend you when you make a face to show the sarcasm
yeah.

vent ig
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literally just one day without stress or crying
thats it See More
thats all i want
i get soo close
and then no
just one day.
ONE.
idgaf if it's a sunday or im dead that day
ONE is all im asking for
god i dont remember a stress free until since i was 4.
and being 3 ive had way to many stressful days
i just want ONE
thats it
ONE before i go into high school
ONE before summer starts
ONE before im confident enough to kill myself.
just ONE.
if death is the only way to get that ONE day
id do it.
if blocking everyone from my life is the way to get it
ill do it
its gonna hurt
but at this point i could care fuc cking less
ONE day without being told about school
ONE day where i can just stay on my laptop or phone and play games
ONE day where everything seems to work out
ONE day. thats it. THATS ALL. ONE DAY.
and is it gonna come? no.
ive lost all hope for it. there's no point into it.
my life is just stress, responsibilities, and being called names.
my life is just depression and anxiety into an egg shell.
my life. i hate it.

ive met few muslims but holy shit they're pretty cool