Impure

Impure

Once, long ago, three factions ruled over the nation of Alma. The Kendred, Shedan, And Morphis, each with its own god. Under the fires of an ancient war, the Morphis died off, and their god disappeared. One thousand years later a dark curse has swept over the land, transforming Alma and her people. It is now up to Martin Dunshire and his friends, Leo Wallace and Linda Baroo, to free the land from a never ending nightmare. As the threat of war is on the doorstep, A dark truth comes to light.one that will forever change Alma. Can they do it before time runs out? (feel free to rate, add to favorites, or comment. All criticism is helpful)

published on January 16469 reads 69 readers 169 not completed
Chapter 1.

Prologue: Prophecy

Once in a land
Far far away
Stood a large kingdom
On the brink of decay
The king was a tyrant
Who was blinded by wealth
He slept in his chamber
The town in poor health
There was theft and deceit
And crime was abound
For there were only three factions
Of this poor little town
They hated each other
They fought and they bled
Then news had become
That the old  king was dead
They took separate routes
Divided the three
For the world was now thriving
The people now free
But ho the Shedan
Had loved the old  king
To his name they would dance
They would drink and they’d sing
They thought of a plan
That angered the gods
They’d get their revenge
Against all the odds
They snuck in the night
To A small Morphis town
They hid in the leaves
That lay on the ground
They waged war on the Morphis
Not a single soul spared
All except one
A boy with black hair
They killed the boys father
In front of his eyes
over his body he wept
With angered cries.
He went to the Kendred
Who took the boy in
They prayed to the gods
To punish the sin
The Shedan grew ears
Like that of a fox
A Curse ever so old
Left under key and locks
Their land dried up
And their crops died
They became animals themselves
Exposed from inside
One thousand years later
Events will take place
Eerily similar
To those of this day
And a war will be waged
And blood will be shed
And death will come
And paint the sky red
There will be fights
Between brothers and men
But the land will be cured
And the war will end
A secret uncovered
A dark truth indeed
What results in the end
Of a single mans greed
But a day shall come
That four heroes will stand
they’ll end the curse
And unite the land
A fatherless youth
A boy with no mother
The girl who has nothing
And the lost sisters brother
Ever so lost
The four will unite
And set on a journey
To make things right
For they suffer the curse
And will find a cure
And correct the sins
Of a world that’s impure

-Prophecy of the Factions
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Comments (169)

TheFreakGirl
I love this so much! Please continue this, I can't wait for the next chapter. :3
reply
Lightstriker195
Thank you! I'm gonna update it again shortly, been having a lot of trouble getting my laptop to connect with the school wifi
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Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
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on October 30
TheFreakGirl
Holy- *pauses, the speaks again.* Anyways, are you good now to start a rp? @Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
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on October 30
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
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on October 30
tylnapp
Not to "butt in" as they say, but that explains quite a bit Reaper....
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on October 29
TheFreakGirl
Okay.
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on October 29
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
Later, when I have stable internet
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on October 29
TheFreakGirl
O.o Okay...? Um, wanna rp Impure? @Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
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on October 29
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
Everywhere and nowhere
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on October 29
TheFreakGirl
Where the heck did you come from?! @Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
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on October 29
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
Just like me
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on October 29
TheFreakGirl
Oh, but me and some other readers shall be waiting.
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on October 29
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on October 28
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on October 28
tylnapp
I may have referred my sister towards the story of Impure....and Qfeast....

I await for a new chapter of Impure to be uploaded, as many others do. I may need to re-read the story again in order to be able to fluently traverse to the next chapter, like a person traveling from one town to the next...the same but different at the same time, and must be re-read See More▼
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Lightstriker195
Thanks, and that sounds nice. I look forward to to the addition to a tail tale (qfeast will not let me post this comment, gosh) though I would r ecco mend rereading after the next update because I'm revising everything
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tylnapp
Thank you, and I will note that.

I may have just shut my door to my room due to my parents....watching youtube videos with more than the usual amount of swearing in them....and now I worry whether that may have been rude or not...as that door separates the two bedrooms...
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on August 18
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on August 18
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on August 18
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
WHERE IS THE NEW CHAPTER! I AM DYING FOR IT!!!
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Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
IT'S THE TENTH IN YOUR COUNTRY! NEW! CHAPTER! PLEASE!
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Lightstriker195
Gonna put it up later if I can get my computer to connect
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on August 11
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on August 11
Lightstriker195
It's on my computer lol it'll be up on on about the tenth, no Wi-Fi to upload it
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Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
GAHD< DOObIT, DANM IT
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on August 03
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on August 03
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on August 03
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
I NEED MORE!!!
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tylnapp
There are a few...RPs that are currently going on now..
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Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
*mimicks rocket the rackoon* Oh... Yeahhh
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on July 19
tylnapp
It seems so, interesting.
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on July 19
Lightstriker195
so as you can probably infer, your characters will have more links to them than you think
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on July 19
Lightstriker195
More accurate and cost-friendly models were forged by the hands of the reptillian people in the small village, Vasvatican (Sister town to Veres-Vaunty). Meanwhile models were dug up and found in the south-eastern forests, though incredibly inaccurate, they made good for closed-quarters combat and executions. Though still rare as the reptillian people are a private See More▼
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on July 19
Lightstriker195
Guns (Pistols [Or Minute-Muskets] and Muskets) were developed in the earlier stages of "The great war" by the Wilven Kendred, many artifacts were passed down from this era: The golden bow, The Pendant of Wilver, and the "Twin Technique" for steel-forging, aong with the ability to make muskets. The use of muskets faded do to problems with accuracy, and how costly See More▼
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on July 19
tylnapp
I see, though (If google is correct) it sounds as if regular HP rounds do more anti-infantry work than penetration, though you do have some knowledge on the subject. Its interesting, though makes sense how there has been different types of ammunition over the years.
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on July 19
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
Crossbows used a similar tech back when, with clay on the outside then the point inside the hollow clay ball, which worked to pierce plate armour
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on July 19
tylnapp
Tyler has the vulpes version of of a longer rifle, admittedly without hollow points (Which I thought were for anti-infantry rather than armor piercing [Which I thought FMJs were for]), but still gets the job of defense done.
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on July 19
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
YEESSS, And why are you not writing the story! I need to find out who this mysterious stranger is!
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on July 19
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
Dares rifle was a 3 round, cylindrical, long barreled, high accuracy and velocity rounds, and while the cartridges are still lacking, he has hollow point bullets as to pierce armour
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on July 19
Lightstriker195
Y'all are getting it all wrong. it was made by the eastern pineapples.... No, but i could really go into very deep plot about this right here if you want to lol
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on July 19
tylnapp
A six round, cylindrical, short barreled, higher accuracy (and bullet velocity), and the addition of "bullet" cartridges are what was improved. Maybe not the barrel, but it was made for their higher ups personal protection.

*Edits*

That may also be the only one of its kind....in Tyler's hands...
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on July 19
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
Improved? Ha, I'd like to see that
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on July 19
tylnapp
The Foxes made their own, improved version, they never claimed it was completely of their design...though kept the design relatively secret.
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on July 19
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
Stupid foxes, stealing serpent knowledge and claiming it as their own, those cunning thieves. Whoa, Deja vu
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on July 19
tylnapp
The Vulpes smiths made another, smaller version as well which was handed to Tyler's father...then"taken" by him when he left Shedan territory.
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on July 19
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
No, it was made by serpents, it ws serpent technology, serpents made it as the pinnacle of their war tech, and awarded to dare for saving a family of gunsmiths
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on July 19
tylnapp
But....that (maybe the serpent tech is an improved version) was developed by others.
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on July 19
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
Oh for hells sake this is why you people aren't ready for serpent tech
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on July 19
tylnapp
The rifle may have exploded due to an excessive amount of gunpowder...
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on July 19
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
... What did you do to the rifle?
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on July 19
tylnapp
Your rifle...it sort of...
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on July 19
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
MUST. FIND. AND. DO. STUFF. I MISS DARE!
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on July 19
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on July 19
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on July 19
XxFallenGirlxX
*slams head on table.* Darn it... Darn it... Darn it... I noticed that Leo and Lily have the same backstories. D: Well, should I change mine?
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tylnapp
That is up to you, though having two characters with similar backgrounds may prove easier for them to speak to each other.
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XxFallenGirlxX
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on July 17
Lightstriker195
Lol, sure. But I'll have to start tomorrow as its 3:30 here and I have a bit of work tomorrow :/ sorry, but yeah I'd love to
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on July 17
XxFallenGirlxX
Can't wait. XD Wanna rp Impure on your page?
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on July 17
Lightstriker195
XD thank you, wait until ch. 9 (Ish)
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on July 17
XxFallenGirlxX
Um, not really. But I do love how you make Leo and Martin be silly or something like that. X3
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on July 17
Lightstriker195
OK, sorry about that, anything that is confusing in the story thus far?
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on July 17
XxFallenGirlxX
Okay, I'm trying my best to understand. No need to try, I always figure it out later. Sort of.
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on July 17
Lightstriker195
Sorry if I'm confusing you with all of this but the plot of this story is very complicated and it is kind if like undertale in the fact it is very hard not to give away spoilers. I plotted this story out for 2.5 years so it's gonna get a but tricky
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on July 17
XxFallenGirlxX
Oh, okay.
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on July 17
Lightstriker195
Yeah, I have the story centered around five major arcs, the story is currently in the first arc, or "Arc-Rila"
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on July 17
XxFallenGirlxX
Oh, makes sense.... I think.
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on July 17
Lightstriker195
OK, you may be wondering but that was purely for character placement as to when your character will be introduced
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on July 17
XxFallenGirlxX
??? Um, 3?
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on July 17
Lightstriker195
Also, now as a random choice, pick a number from 1-5.
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on July 17
XxFallenGirlxX
Um... Okay? Your welcome.
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on July 17
Lightstriker195
Ah, interesting, this plot just smacked into a stone slab and stuck in place like a puzzle piece. Thank you
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on July 17
XxFallenGirlxX
*sits up.* No clue. Shocked? XD Hmm, maybe a snow leopards ears and tail. Or a white wolfs, can't decide.
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on July 17
Lightstriker195
XD why the fainting? On an unrelated note, if you were to give your character an animal aspect, what would it be?
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on July 17
XxFallenGirlxX
OH MY LORD!!! *faints.*
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on July 17
Lightstriker195
I did say I had a great idea, didn't I? XD
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on July 17
XxFallenGirlxX
True.
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on July 17
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on July 17
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on July 17
Dei_Dei
I've finally caught up
I'll probably redraw Linda
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Lightstriker195
Lol, OK
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on June 25
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on June 25
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
This is a masterpiece rivalling that of David Gemmel, Or R.A Salvator
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Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
It's just missing that serpentine aspect
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Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
No judgement here, I'm a shockingly bad one myself
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on June 15
Lightstriker195
well it's done and being uploaded but please keep in mind i am not the worlds best artist ;_;
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on June 15
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
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on June 15
Lightstriker195
Ok, thank you for the information
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on June 15
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
No biggie, and Dare, as modeled in my head to be like a Australian Taipan (National pride) Is most likely to be in anything to the desert to hot, tropical areas
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on June 15
Lightstriker195
also, thank you so much for the compliment! It means a lot
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on June 15
Lightstriker195
the story starts off in the south eastern corner, while the desert is in the north eastern, and bayou is closer to the west. i was meaning to ask you what habitat you would wish Dare to be in,
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on June 15
Do_Not_Fear_The_Reaper
LThen what does dare classify as?
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on June 15
Lightstriker195
yeah, i have mapped out the entire nation, which is called "Alma" in reference to one of my friends. i've put in similar easter eggs with this (Such as Lake Horo, as in Horo the wise wolf) but the main feature is that the location matters, reptilian shedan such as Kappas and caiman lie within the Dessert and Bayou biomes scattered throughout the world
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on June 15
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on June 15
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on June 15
FallenAngel48
....I LOVE IT!!! You did an amazing job writing this story, I hope you will keep writing. :3
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Lightstriker195
Thank you! It means a lot
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on June 12
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on June 11
tylnapp
Interesting...I see Rin and his companion have managed to enter the story...It is interesting thus far, and I cannot wait for more.
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Lightstriker195
Thanks
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on June 04
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on June 04
tylnapp
I see the new title photo for Impure, and it looks interesting, I like it.
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Lightstriker195
Thanks
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tylnapp
No problem.
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on May 14
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on May 14
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on May 14
SmolBeanie696
LONGEST.
CHAPTERS.
EVER.
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Lightstriker195
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on May 12
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on May 12
Dei_Dei
R.I.P Claire
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on May 11
Dei_Dei
I feel like drawing Linda :3
Is there a reference picture?
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Lightstriker195
Eh, the closest I have would be my ch.3 teaser. It's found under my profile
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Lightstriker195
Anywhere you want, really^_^
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on April 27
Dei_Dei
I've finished it! ^_^
I originally meant to do it digitally, but due to an incident I have to do it on paper
Where do I upload the picture?
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on April 27
Lightstriker195
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on April 25
Dei_Dei
Okay I'm working on it now ^_^
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on April 25
Lightstriker195
OK, sorry about that
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on April 25
Dei_Dei
It's a bit blurry so I'll use the description from the story
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on April 25
Lightstriker195
Oh, yeah
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on April 25
Dei_Dei
The person on the top right*
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on April 25
Dei_Dei
Is it the one on the top right?
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on April 25
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on April 25
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on April 25
Russian_Pyromaniac
Holy hell chapter 1 is deep as space!!
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Russian_Pyromaniac
Rhyming like fúckin Zecora
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Lightstriker195
:{) yeah, I was going by impure rather than qfeast chapters.
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on April 25
Russian_Pyromaniac
Aww no need... It happens to me all the time... It's becoming a bit of a problem ^^'
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on April 25
Lightstriker195
Nvm, I'm gonna kick myself now
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on April 25
Lightstriker195
Oh, lol I didn't know. Which rhymes are you referring to?
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on April 25
Russian_Pyromaniac
Zecora is a my little pony character she rhymes all the time
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on April 25
Lightstriker195
What? Sorry I don't understand
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on April 25
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on April 25
Lightstriker195
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on April 25
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on April 25
Dei_Dei
I think I've heard this Chi and Mana from somewhere... love the logic
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Lightstriker195
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on April 05
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on April 05
Dei_Dei
Advice:
There are grammatical errors that are bothering me, and it's a little difficult to see who's talking but the plot is great so far! Keep writing ^_^
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Lightstriker195
Alright, thank you ^_^
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on April 05
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on April 05
tylnapp
*Starts to Redraw Leo with his new Shedan bits*
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Lightstriker195
I'll update the story when word wants to work -_- sorry the continuation of this being stalled is bugging me too
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Lightstriker195
It should be up tomorrow
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on April 07
Lightstriker195
Finished the chapter
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on April 07
Lightstriker195
I had it working, but it crashed again, guess I just never mentioned it :/
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on April 04
tylnapp
*Contenplates about an earlier said matter* I believe you said at one point that you had word fixed....I guess it isn't...
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on April 03
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on April 03
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on April 03
tylnapp
Oh... that's new.... a new 'turn' of events one could say.
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Lightstriker195
Lol
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Lightstriker195
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on March 08
tylnapp
*stops drawing* well that ends my drawing...*sees it is completely different from what he invisioned* Well...I guess I'll draw that then...hmmmm... since Leo is a tad bit different now... I guess I should draw him again! He's "one of us" now.
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on March 08
Lightstriker195
Lol, I have trouble making it symmetrical sometimes, it's the emblem that's on the wax on the profile pic of Impure OCs
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on March 08
tylnapp
*tries drawing the tattoo/birthmark that was on Leo's arm*
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on March 08
Lightstriker195
Lol, yeah I'm trying to introduce more plot to it.
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on March 08
tylnapp
It was an interesting segment today.
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on March 08
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on March 08
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on March 08
tylnapp
*Sees a lot added*
I guess I know what I'll be reading for the rest of this day! Well done, hope to see more later!
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Lightstriker195
Lol, thx. And there will be
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on February 27
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on February 27
Shadows147
I love it! ^^ I advice you to please keep writing.
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Lightstriker195
Thank you, that really means alot
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Shadows147
^^
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on February 26
Lightstriker195
It's OK
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on February 26
Shadows147
Okay, cause I just wasn't sure at first.
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on February 26
Lightstriker195
No. It's just a filler to show the stress of the war.
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on February 26
Shadows147
Hey, on the second chapter about the Shedan boy, is that Ashlynn's brother, Liu?
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on February 26
Shadows147
^^
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on February 22
Lightstriker195
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on February 22
Shadows147
Yay! ^^
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on February 22
Lightstriker195
XD don't worry, I look forward to completing this one. I will update it this Thursday (rest of chapter 1 added, maybe start on ch.2)
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on February 22
Shadows147
Anytime. But seriously, please keep on writing. I wanna know what is going to happen next!
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on February 22
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on February 22
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on February 22
Space_Boy
that first chapter is amazing.
i only read the first chapter so far though so i dont know the rest.
ill go read more .3.
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Lightstriker195
Thank you
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Lightstriker195
thank, it means a lot
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on February 15
Space_Boy
@Lightstriker195 Well,i cant wait for more!
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on February 15
Lightstriker195
The chapters are long so I post every 1-3 weeks
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on February 15
Lightstriker195
Definitely
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on February 15
Space_Boy
no problem,are you gonna continue to make more?
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on February 15
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on February 15
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on February 15
Lightstriker195
I hope people don't think the chapters are too long. This is later out as a novel on my laptop.
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Lucky_Queen
They do seem reeeaaally long, but they're worth it.
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Lightstriker195
Lol, yup, just wish a couple more people would read it, took a year and a half (well, almost 2 by this point) and I'd like people to see what I've come with. But if they don't oh well.
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on February 15
Lucky_Queen
XD Makes sense.
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on February 15
Lightstriker195
Well, that's the reason it takes 2-3 weeks to post new chapters XD
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on February 15
Lucky_Queen
NP.
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on February 15
Lightstriker195
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on February 15
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on February 15
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on February 15
Lightstriker195
I'll update this story whenever i can connect my laptop to the internet, depending on how much of it i have done, i have een writing it for 1.5 years now
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on January 16
Lucky_Queen
Prophecy = FREAKING PERFECT. You are going to famous for this one day.
Chapter One = Kind of confusing, and has some grammar errors that are kind of bothering me, but overall really good!
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Lightstriker195
thx, whats confusing about it? i want to make it clearer, and ill correct the grammar in a sec
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Lightstriker195
better advise all the comments here... dont attempt what you read at home, thank you
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on January 23
Lucky_Queen
OK!
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on January 16
Lightstriker195
aaaaand done with adding lines
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on January 16
Lucky_Queen
OK!
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on January 16
Lightstriker195
it will take a second though, gtg do something real quick
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on January 16
Lucky_Queen
OK, awesome!
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on January 16
Lightstriker195
ok, ill do that
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on January 16
Lucky_Queen
1. There are a few run-ons, and I had to re-read those parts multiple times before I finally understood what it meant.
2. It will be easier to understand AND look smoother (and be grammatically correct) if you start a new line/paragraph every time someone speaks.

Mostly just those two things.
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on January 16
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on January 16
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on January 16