Ate expensive caviar and spicy crayfish at a gross hotel last night. Definitely interesting.
on February 08
on February 07
Not trying to feel sorry for myself but literally why does nobody like me? I've noticed that my family members always heart react to each other's posts but they never even like mine. I have a few friends from middle school/high school on my page and it's the same thing.. like? I have literally always been left out. Nobody has ever gave me a chance. And personally I think I'm cool af? I can speak multiple languages, I make music, I'm kind, I'm honest, I'm loyal, and for what.. See More None of my family irl cares about me. I know for a fact that I'm actually not biological related to them because how do two white people have a kid that's half Asian? Shit makes NO sense.
Anyways, I genuinely feel so unloved its not even funny anymore
Anyways, I genuinely feel so unloved its not even funny anymore
on February 07
once i realized my family doesn't gaf about me or what i do, i stopped trying to do things to win them over, accepted things weren't gonna change (because if they haven't changed by now, they're not gonna), and now i keep them at arm's length and am a lot happier. stop trying to win over the people who obviously don't value you the same way you value them, and See More your life will improve. do whatever you want forever and never feel sorry for yourself.
on January 28
on January 28
Do you guys remember @Ellyed ? She got me through so much stress and anxiety when I was 10 in 2014. I hope life has been super good for her all these years later.
on January 25
I just want all this anxiety to go away.
on January 25
I just realized I haven't done a life update in foreverrr so here we go, super long and detailed. 🫶
- I've said this a billion times but I'm almost done with my GED for real. Literally all I have to do is take 4 exams and I'm done but I've been sick asf and I gotta get my laptop webcam fixed so I can video chat with my professors.
- Most days, I feel totally worthless and frustrated with how my life is turning out. I compare myself to literally everyone in my age group and See More oh my god, am I a failure. At least, thats how it feels. I feel like I've accomplished nothing because I've spent my entire life in survival mode.
- I'm still multilingual, I mainly speak English and Korean. 🫰
I'm still studying German, Swedish, Spanish, Russian, andd I think that's it. I deadass used to study over 30 languages back when I was in middle and high school. I absolutely love learning languages and about different cultures.
- I've learned that not only am I a different ethnicity than half of my family, I'm also half of a completely different race.. I know I will legit never get the truth about *how* so I've learned to keep my mouth shut. I've done mutiple DNA tests over the last few months and I'm always getting back East Asian dna along with European dna.
- I finally went back to therapy after a month or so. I have a gut feeling my therapist and psychologist do not like me because they do not know how to treat my severe cptsd and most likely BPD.
My therapist legit said; "I don't know what to do with you."
- I'm planning on getting a bunch more tattoos this year. Won't say what they are until I actually get them hehe.
- I don't really know what to do with my music. I still want to be a singer more than anything in the world but I realize that as I grow a following, it'll be super easy for my abusers to track me down. I'm still a little on edge from one of my abusers finding my YouTube channel like two weeks ago. I honestly just want them to d!e lmaoo but yeah.. I don't want to give up my dreams just because of some really shitty people. I'm conflicted. This ain't some little girl drama, some of those bitches SA'd me, bullied me, put me through physical abuse - kicked me, hit me, tried to drown me, pushed me down a set of stairs, and so so much worse.
- I'm trying to manage my chronic fatigue, PCOS, anxiety attacks, and overall health. I'm also trying to get on disability because God knows I can't hold down a job to save my life. And the whole OF/SW thing is getting real old and lowkey reopening some traumatic scars I've tried to bury. I'm trying my best but goddamm, this shit is hard. I'm always exhausted, I'm always in pain, and I'm always anxious. #Chronicallyillbaddie
- I've said this a billion times but I'm almost done with my GED for real. Literally all I have to do is take 4 exams and I'm done but I've been sick asf and I gotta get my laptop webcam fixed so I can video chat with my professors.
- Most days, I feel totally worthless and frustrated with how my life is turning out. I compare myself to literally everyone in my age group and See More oh my god, am I a failure. At least, thats how it feels. I feel like I've accomplished nothing because I've spent my entire life in survival mode.
- I'm still multilingual, I mainly speak English and Korean. 🫰
I'm still studying German, Swedish, Spanish, Russian, andd I think that's it. I deadass used to study over 30 languages back when I was in middle and high school. I absolutely love learning languages and about different cultures.
- I've learned that not only am I a different ethnicity than half of my family, I'm also half of a completely different race.. I know I will legit never get the truth about *how* so I've learned to keep my mouth shut. I've done mutiple DNA tests over the last few months and I'm always getting back East Asian dna along with European dna.
- I finally went back to therapy after a month or so. I have a gut feeling my therapist and psychologist do not like me because they do not know how to treat my severe cptsd and most likely BPD.
My therapist legit said; "I don't know what to do with you."
- I'm planning on getting a bunch more tattoos this year. Won't say what they are until I actually get them hehe.
- I don't really know what to do with my music. I still want to be a singer more than anything in the world but I realize that as I grow a following, it'll be super easy for my abusers to track me down. I'm still a little on edge from one of my abusers finding my YouTube channel like two weeks ago. I honestly just want them to d!e lmaoo but yeah.. I don't want to give up my dreams just because of some really shitty people. I'm conflicted. This ain't some little girl drama, some of those bitches SA'd me, bullied me, put me through physical abuse - kicked me, hit me, tried to drown me, pushed me down a set of stairs, and so so much worse.
- I'm trying to manage my chronic fatigue, PCOS, anxiety attacks, and overall health. I'm also trying to get on disability because God knows I can't hold down a job to save my life. And the whole OF/SW thing is getting real old and lowkey reopening some traumatic scars I've tried to bury. I'm trying my best but goddamm, this shit is hard. I'm always exhausted, I'm always in pain, and I'm always anxious. #Chronicallyillbaddie
- I plan on reading more often and maybe writing more. I've had so many books I've written online and I've been wanting to get one physically published for years but idk! We'll see.
- I've been thinking a lot, like. A LOT. I literally deleted what I had written about this part because oops, I'm oversharing about my crazy ass thoughts again.
- SOO, I stopped See More seeing the guy I was technically with for a few months. He legit only used me for my body, got a little violent and would start choking me and pulling my hair, he literally asked if he could hookup with my friends and even some of my family members???? So YEAH, he had to go. I'm most likely going to be single for the rest of my life lmao but lowkey I'm okay with that at this point. I legit have had only one decent partner in my life and that was Jae.. literally nobody could ever compare to him.
- I've been drinking so much green tea lately, it's the best.
- I guess that's all for now? 안녕
- I've been thinking a lot, like. A LOT. I literally deleted what I had written about this part because oops, I'm oversharing about my crazy ass thoughts again.
- SOO, I stopped See More seeing the guy I was technically with for a few months. He legit only used me for my body, got a little violent and would start choking me and pulling my hair, he literally asked if he could hookup with my friends and even some of my family members???? So YEAH, he had to go. I'm most likely going to be single for the rest of my life lmao but lowkey I'm okay with that at this point. I legit have had only one decent partner in my life and that was Jae.. literally nobody could ever compare to him.
- I've been drinking so much green tea lately, it's the best.
- I guess that's all for now? 안녕
on January 25
on January 25
Y'all, there was this little husky that came on our porch and just. 🥹🥹🥹
on January 25
I think I got the flu, I've been at the doctor's office for about an hour now. 🥲
on January 10
It's so good.