I just realized I haven't done a life update in foreverrr so here we go, super long and detailed. 🫶
- I've said this a billion times but I'm almost done with my GED for real. Literally all I have to do is take 4 exams and I'm done but I've been sick asf and I gotta get my laptop webcam fixed so I can video chat with my professors.
- Most days, I feel totally worthless and frustrated with how my life is turning out. I compare myself to literally everyone in my age group and See More oh my god, am I a failure. At least, thats how it feels. I feel like I've accomplished nothing because I've spent my entire life in survival mode.
- I'm still multilingual, I mainly speak English and Korean. 🫰
I'm still studying German, Swedish, Spanish, Russian, andd I think that's it. I deadass used to study over 30 languages back when I was in middle and high school. I absolutely love learning languages and about different cultures.
- I've learned that not only am I a different ethnicity than half of my family, I'm also half of a completely different race.. I know I will legit never get the truth about *how* so I've learned to keep my mouth shut. I've done mutiple DNA tests over the last few months and I'm always getting back East Asian dna along with European dna.
- I finally went back to therapy after a month or so. I have a gut feeling my therapist and psychologist do not like me because they do not know how to treat my severe cptsd and most likely BPD.
My therapist legit said; "I don't know what to do with you."
- I'm planning on getting a bunch more tattoos this year. Won't say what they are until I actually get them hehe.
- I don't really know what to do with my music. I still want to be a singer more than anything in the world but I realize that as I grow a following, it'll be super easy for my abusers to track me down. I'm still a little on edge from one of my abusers finding my YouTube channel like two weeks ago. I honestly just want them to d!e lmaoo but yeah.. I don't want to give up my dreams just because of some really shitty people. I'm conflicted. This ain't some little girl drama, some of those bitches SA'd me, bullied me, put me through physical abuse - kicked me, hit me, tried to drown me, pushed me down a set of stairs, and so so much worse.
- I'm trying to manage my chronic fatigue, PCOS, anxiety attacks, and overall health. I'm also trying to get on disability because God knows I can't hold down a job to save my life. And the whole OF/SW thing is getting real old and lowkey reopening some traumatic scars I've tried to bury. I'm trying my best but goddamm, this shit is hard. I'm always exhausted, I'm always in pain, and I'm always anxious. #Chronicallyillbaddie
- I've said this a billion times but I'm almost done with my GED for real. Literally all I have to do is take 4 exams and I'm done but I've been sick asf and I gotta get my laptop webcam fixed so I can video chat with my professors.
- Most days, I feel totally worthless and frustrated with how my life is turning out. I compare myself to literally everyone in my age group and See More oh my god, am I a failure. At least, thats how it feels. I feel like I've accomplished nothing because I've spent my entire life in survival mode.
- I'm still multilingual, I mainly speak English and Korean. 🫰
I'm still studying German, Swedish, Spanish, Russian, andd I think that's it. I deadass used to study over 30 languages back when I was in middle and high school. I absolutely love learning languages and about different cultures.
- I've learned that not only am I a different ethnicity than half of my family, I'm also half of a completely different race.. I know I will legit never get the truth about *how* so I've learned to keep my mouth shut. I've done mutiple DNA tests over the last few months and I'm always getting back East Asian dna along with European dna.
- I finally went back to therapy after a month or so. I have a gut feeling my therapist and psychologist do not like me because they do not know how to treat my severe cptsd and most likely BPD.
My therapist legit said; "I don't know what to do with you."
- I'm planning on getting a bunch more tattoos this year. Won't say what they are until I actually get them hehe.
- I don't really know what to do with my music. I still want to be a singer more than anything in the world but I realize that as I grow a following, it'll be super easy for my abusers to track me down. I'm still a little on edge from one of my abusers finding my YouTube channel like two weeks ago. I honestly just want them to d!e lmaoo but yeah.. I don't want to give up my dreams just because of some really shitty people. I'm conflicted. This ain't some little girl drama, some of those bitches SA'd me, bullied me, put me through physical abuse - kicked me, hit me, tried to drown me, pushed me down a set of stairs, and so so much worse.
- I'm trying to manage my chronic fatigue, PCOS, anxiety attacks, and overall health. I'm also trying to get on disability because God knows I can't hold down a job to save my life. And the whole OF/SW thing is getting real old and lowkey reopening some traumatic scars I've tried to bury. I'm trying my best but goddamm, this shit is hard. I'm always exhausted, I'm always in pain, and I'm always anxious. #Chronicallyillbaddie
- I plan on reading more often and maybe writing more. I've had so many books I've written online and I've been wanting to get one physically published for years but idk! We'll see.
- I've been thinking a lot, like. A LOT. I literally deleted what I had written about this part because oops, I'm oversharing about my crazy ass thoughts again.
- SOO, I stopped See More seeing the guy I was technically with for a few months. He legit only used me for my body, got a little violent and would start choking me and pulling my hair, he literally asked if he could hookup with my friends and even some of my family members???? So YEAH, he had to go. I'm most likely going to be single for the rest of my life lmao but lowkey I'm okay with that at this point. I legit have had only one decent partner in my life and that was Jae.. literally nobody could ever compare to him.
- I've been drinking so much green tea lately, it's the best.
- I guess that's all for now? 안녕
- I've been thinking a lot, like. A LOT. I literally deleted what I had written about this part because oops, I'm oversharing about my crazy ass thoughts again.
- SOO, I stopped See More seeing the guy I was technically with for a few months. He legit only used me for my body, got a little violent and would start choking me and pulling my hair, he literally asked if he could hookup with my friends and even some of my family members???? So YEAH, he had to go. I'm most likely going to be single for the rest of my life lmao but lowkey I'm okay with that at this point. I legit have had only one decent partner in my life and that was Jae.. literally nobody could ever compare to him.
- I've been drinking so much green tea lately, it's the best.
- I guess that's all for now? 안녕
on January 25
on January 25
Y'all, there was this little husky that came on our porch and just. 🥹🥹🥹
on January 25
I think I got the flu, I've been at the doctor's office for about an hour now. 🥲
on January 10
I wish my abusers and their family would die. 🫰
on December 11, 2025
No, they make me feel like shit. 😭