Catching Roses

Jessica Holister is probably one of the smartest in the world- nicknamed by the media "Sherlock Holmes", with her identity remaining a secret. And her past, what she thought became gone, was back.

published on April 21, 201790 reads 22 readers 28 not completed
Chapter 1.

Chapter 1- Jessica Holister's POV

  Streets.  Crowds of people wasting their lives playing on their phones, grabbing useless things knowing they may never have the chance to grab it again.
  Cabbie nearby had an affair recently and was "dropping them off home after a doctors apointment" based off a phone call, but the wife knows and doesn't wanna deal with it.
  A female nearby was crying, tensed on the bench.  I've seen that look in before she has now- I've even worn it.  PTSD flashbacks.  Based off her stance, she recently got home from another pointless war.  Bag definatley said soldier.
   My therapy can wait.
  I went over to her and sat down.  Her jeans were a modern, edgy, torn look and it was a button-up tshirt.  Late 20's.  
   "You arent in a war zone, it's America, state of Tennessee, city of Memphis, the is date is January thirtieth, twenty-seventeen.  A man across the street is conplaining to his wife how he got fired for supposedly stealing things, when he actually was, and the woman walking by is going to see her father after 5 months.  You're home, and shouldn't have to fire a gun.  You're home.  Or, at least, nearby."
   Not working.  She was still back in her warzone.
  "There's a child nearby playing with a dog- Husky who just got into adulthood.  The child is wearing a pastelle pink dress, and has her hair curled- it was done this morning.  The mom is talking to a man- the father of the child.  I assume the dog is theirs, seeing how the parent's aren't stopping her.  It seems to be a happy family- probably starting out.  The mother is probably about to tell the father she's pregnant- wait, no, she just did. He's exited."
  As I spoke she seemed to calm down, and was now sniffling, wiping her tears away.  The african american female sighed, and looked at me.  Green eyes- now back into reality.
  "How'd you know what happened with me and those people?" She asked.
  "Well, with you, I've seen what a PTSD flashback looks like.  And your build and stance- you were a lutenant back in, where I can't tell- Iraq? With the man conplaining, I pinpointed what he was talking about and reading his lips and he was fidgeting with a pearl necklace in his pocket.  Men usually dont carry pearl neclaces, so it was most likely stolen. The woman walking by was exited- and had the childish look said father. The family?  Rings and I reading lips and facial expressions.  I assume you need therapy, and I know a good therapist and I'm going there now.  Wish to come?"
  She gave me a dumbfounded look.  "Why'd you need a therapist?"
  "Long story.  Part of it is I'm an FBI agent.  Tell me your name and I'll get you an apointment." I replied.
    She gave me a sigh.  "Joanna Williams.  Yours?"
  "Jessica Holister.  Nice meeting you."
  We shook hands and then I walked her to the therapy session.
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Comments (28)

SlugcatSeagullAghase
The story is really good. Usually, I don't like casual writing styles, but that type of writing style really helps with this story. My only problem is that I feel like the story jumps around too fast. When you write the next chapter, try to slow down and explain everything. Otherwise, this is a really good story, and I can't wait to read the rest!!
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Orange.Soda
Allright! I'll keep that in mind!
Thanks!
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SlugcatSeagullAghase
No prob ^-^
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on May 11, 2017
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on May 11, 2017
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on May 11, 2017
LhasapooLover
I like your story @Forever_Great_Bohemian_Rhaspody :)
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on May 08, 2017
Weiss_Schnee
I do like this story and see potential in it as a Qfeast classic.
My only concern with this story is the amount of space between sentences. I understand if this is your normal style, but...
I feel like nothing is organised into paragraphs that flow one after the other.
I like stories where the time flows on, and it's shown in the paragraph spacing. Books like See More▼
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Orange.Soda
Allright, thank you for the imput! It really helps.
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on May 05, 2017
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on May 05, 2017
sapphirethehedgehog
Okay, your writing style is awesome and it's very fun tot read, my only criticism would be that there's a lot of speaking and not a lot of saying what is actually going on and describing it. The only way the reader is able to keep up I see looking at all the speaking, maybe try to vary it a little more? Does this help? ^.^U
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Orange.Soda
Plenty! Thanks!
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sapphirethehedgehog
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on May 05, 2017
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on May 05, 2017
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on May 05, 2017
vive_la_revolution
Hey, can I be your official editor?
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Orange.Soda
Sure!
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vive_la_revolution
Mkay, great!
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on April 21, 2017
Orange.Soda
Sounds good to me!
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on April 21, 2017
vive_la_revolution
Mkay! Actually, I think it'd be easiest to make a hidden page and PM you the link - I'll post constructive critiques and chapter edits on there, if that's alright with you.
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on April 21, 2017
Orange.Soda
However you do it best!
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on April 21, 2017
vive_la_revolution
Really? That's awesome! I'm really flattered. ^_^ Would you like me to send edits in PM or just leave constructive critiques or?
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on April 21, 2017
Orange.Soda
I was actually gonna ask if you'd do that--
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on April 21, 2017
vive_la_revolution
Yay!! Thanks ^_^
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on April 21, 2017
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on April 21, 2017
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on April 21, 2017
vive_la_revolution
Okay, so something that I actually didn't think about that you did fantabulously was that Sherlock is this crazy observant character that could tell her so many random details it's ridiculous. My only critique is that her panic attack probably wouldn't be calmed down immediately (also, hugging a person having a panic attack without their permission isn't a really See More▼
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vive_la_revolution
Also, it would be cool to change the last sentence to "We shook hands and walked to my therapy session." It changes all of the action to something that they're doing together; Jessica isn't dragging Joanna into her life, but Joanna is walking into her life. If that makes sense? It's not a big deal, just a tiny literary thing. XD Seriously though, I frikkin love See More▼
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on April 21, 2017
vive_la_revolution
Jessica described in detail another person - what they were wearing, where they were going, what they were thinking - seemingly unimportant details that would help ground Joanna in the present. And then Joanna was almost completely calm, so maybe Jessica just glanced at one more new passerby and described them to help Joanna (and also to establish to the readers See More▼
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vive_la_revolution
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on April 21, 2017
vive_la_revolution
I love it!!
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on April 21, 2017
Orange.Soda
Also, I'm writing more now!
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on April 21, 2017
vive_la_revolution
Of course!
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on April 21, 2017
Orange.Soda
Allright! The details are fixed. Mind re-reading to make sure I got that right?
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on April 21, 2017
vive_la_revolution
Basically! Legit though, I really love this so far and I can't wait until you write more.
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on April 21, 2017
Orange.Soda
Allright! Basically more detail and more accurate information?
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on April 21, 2017
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on April 21, 2017
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on April 21, 2017