Secret - A Lighthearted Horror Story That Will Scare The Crap Out of You (Partially Because It Encouraged You To Eat Much Fiber)

Chapter 1 Will Be Very Enjoyable And Will Give You A False Sense Of Security

Hi.
I know you are expecting something.
Or someone?
They're busy right now. Sorry.
Probably should have waited till they weren't, but, you know the drill.
I think?
Whatever.

You know, I never understood why you people read stuff like this.
What do you get out of it?
Fear, sleepless nights...
Maybe you're a sadist who likes reading about people dying?
I dunno...
Is NOT grammatically correct. You should say: "I do not know." Or "I haven't any knowlage of this plight." Or "I lack the brain cells required to understand this topic." Or "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT."
The way all sane people do.
Yeeaaaahhh...
Well, enjoy the show.