School
I push open the school doors and stand in the lobby. Students stare at me with open mouths everywhere. I smile. My cute outfit did the job.Kylie, the queen bee, approaches me. I can see in her eyes a newfound respect for me. "Nice garb." she spits. I guess that's the best I'm going to get.
In first period, Maisy offers me some gum. At lunch, Stacy asks if I want to sit with her. The popular girls are all treating me with respect now.
But now it's time to really join their group.
On my way to fifth period, Kylie comes up to me and asks if I want to cut class with her and the girls. I accept the offer and follow her out of the school.
"Sweet ride!" I exclaim when I see her car. It's a hot pink convertible, with seats as soft as a baby bunny. I hop in and end up squeezed between Maisy and Stacy. The entire passenger seat is taken up by Kylie's adorable puppy, Max.
"Where are we going, Ky?" Stacy asks. Wow - they have nicknames for each other! What's mine?
Kylie smiles at us in the rearview mirror. "Well, Stace, we're going to the mall."
Stacy and Maisy giggle. "What's so special about that?" I ask.
Maisy raises one eyebrow at me. "Well, duh! Haven't you ever scouted before?"
"It's when you stand in the middle of the mall and wait for a cute boy - and then you go up and kiss him! Full on the lips!"
My eyes grow wide. "Won't he squirm away?"
"Not if you sneak up behind him."
We arrive at the mall and head inside.
"You can go first." says Stacy.
I stand in the center of the mall, right by the fountain. Finally a cute boy passes by. I sneak up behind him and pounce at the last second, turning him to face me. I give him a big, fat, smooch. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Stacy, Kylie, and Maisy laughing.
Suddenly, he pushes me away. "Freak!" he calls. I see security guards rushing towards me, so I make a run for it. I dodge the mall kiosks, squeeze through the crowds, and take detours through the stores. Finally, I'm out of the mall and sprinting to the convertible. When I get there, Maisy, Stacy, and Kylie are already sitting in it. "That was so awesome!" giggles Kylie.
I beam as they pull out of the parking lot and head back towards school. If this is what being popular feels like, well...
I love it!
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Sorry for all of the harsh judgement. I really LOVE all of your writing, but this story just didn't cut it for me.
She was stealing because she was trying to be popular and thought that maybe stealing things would give her some street cred.
They DO get in trouble, I just haven't written that part yet.
Her reason? Well, she's just tired of being unpopular and wants people to notice her. (I, for one, am FINE with being an unpopular weirdo.)
It's okay. Thanks for the feedback. And thanks for loving my writing. :)
I don't think this story was one of my best, either..
It's good, but not as good as your work usually is. I really don't understand what she was doing accepting a makeover from a random homeless guy in the first place. There are several grammar and spelling errors. Also, her mom would definitely recognize her. Even with the contacts, she would (at the very LEAST) think that the face was familiar. Also, how See More▼ does a quick makeover give a girl fashion sense? And why the heck was a random homeless guy giving out makeovers using equipment that cost at least $500 for just $100? And why weren't her parents at least a LITTLE mad that she'd gone out and dyed her hair and gotten contacts without even texting them?...
Also, she accepted the makeover because she was very desperate, and she wanted to be "undercover." She was worried See More▼ that someone from her school would see her getting a makeover if she got one in the mall or something. She wanted to have people think she was a completely different person (yes, I know I need to make that WAY more obvious).
And her mom was taking a quick glance, so she wouldn't recognize her.
And it didn't give her "fashion sense" - she just assumed it would.
Also, her parents were kinda mad, but she's a teenager, and they just assume it's normal for teenagers to do that.
Finally, can you please give me an example of one of the spelling or grammar errors? I read it quickly and didn't pick up on any.
She's 15-16, but I think I'll make her 16.
And it's fine. I've made that mistake many times before. :)
(But still, exactly how old is she? Is she a freshman or a senior?)
Looking back, I'm actually mistaken. I thought you misspelled a word, but it's actually spelled correctly. My bad.