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I knock on my door, hands sweating. Mom answers the door."We're not interested in anything you're selling." She reaches for the handle, but I grab her wrist.
"It's me - Tracie."
Mom rolls her eyes. "No, my girl has long brown hair and brown eyes."
"Mom, this is me."
Her eyes bug out. "My goodness, what did you do to yourself?" She lets me into the house and sits me down on the couch.
"I got a haircut, dyed my hair, and purchased contacts."
"My girl! Oh, my darling girl! You're growing up!" Mom exclaims. "Pete! Get your lazy butt up here and see what your daughter's done!"
Dad trudges up the stairs. When he sees me, he grins. "Hey, my girl's a teenager now! What's next - pregnancy?"
I slap his arm playfully. "No. Now, I'm going to bed, and I'll see you all tomorrow morning."
"Hold it right there." Dad says. He points at my shopping bag. "You didn't spend any more than $200, right?"
I shake my head and go to my room. When I get there, I lock the door. Luckily, neither of them suspected the bag of clothes was shoplifted. I shudder and empty the bag out on my bed.
There are skinny jeans, leather jackets, furry vests, graphic t-shirts, tight tank-tops, beanies, and cosmetics of every kind. I hit the mall before I got the makeover, and it sure paid off. I wince. Paid off... I didn't pay for anything.
I fold the clothes and put them away, leaving an outfit I picked for tomorrow. It's a crop-top, skinny jeans, flats, lipstick, blush, and a hair clip. Before, the popular girls could make fun of my fashion choices, but now - now, they'd HAVE to adore me.
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Sorry for all of the harsh judgement. I really LOVE all of your writing, but this story just didn't cut it for me.
She was stealing because she was trying to be popular and thought that maybe stealing things would give her some street cred.
They DO get in trouble, I just haven't written that part yet.
Her reason? Well, she's just tired of being unpopular and wants people to notice her. (I, for one, am FINE with being an unpopular weirdo.)
It's okay. Thanks for the feedback. And thanks for loving my writing. :)
I don't think this story was one of my best, either..
It's good, but not as good as your work usually is. I really don't understand what she was doing accepting a makeover from a random homeless guy in the first place. There are several grammar and spelling errors. Also, her mom would definitely recognize her. Even with the contacts, she would (at the very LEAST) think that the face was familiar. Also, how See More▼ does a quick makeover give a girl fashion sense? And why the heck was a random homeless guy giving out makeovers using equipment that cost at least $500 for just $100? And why weren't her parents at least a LITTLE mad that she'd gone out and dyed her hair and gotten contacts without even texting them?...
Also, she accepted the makeover because she was very desperate, and she wanted to be "undercover." She was worried See More▼ that someone from her school would see her getting a makeover if she got one in the mall or something. She wanted to have people think she was a completely different person (yes, I know I need to make that WAY more obvious).
And her mom was taking a quick glance, so she wouldn't recognize her.
And it didn't give her "fashion sense" - she just assumed it would.
Also, her parents were kinda mad, but she's a teenager, and they just assume it's normal for teenagers to do that.
Finally, can you please give me an example of one of the spelling or grammar errors? I read it quickly and didn't pick up on any.
She's 15-16, but I think I'll make her 16.
And it's fine. I've made that mistake many times before. :)
(But still, exactly how old is she? Is she a freshman or a senior?)
Looking back, I'm actually mistaken. I thought you misspelled a word, but it's actually spelled correctly. My bad.