Eyeless Jack (1)

Eyeless Jack (1)

Mitch tries to fall asleep at his brother's house. But he falls asleep. When his brother sees him, he gasps and drops his coffee cup what happened?

published on June 2332 reads 11 readers 6 not completed
Chapter 1.

At my bro's

My name is Mitch. I just moved out of my parent's house so now I am trying to find a new place to live in. For now, I live in a hotel. My phone started buzzing as loud as a annoying birds chipping. I picked it up, and said, "hello?" I asked.
"Oh hey, Mitchell. It's you brother Sam. What's up?" My brother asked.
"Oh, nothing much. What's up with you?" I asked.
"Oh nothing either... It's kind of boring, living here all alone. But, well um are you lonely too?" Said my brother kind of nervously.
"Oh yeah. But I wouldn't really call it LONELY." I replied.
"Oh, well then you don't have to pay your bills anymore, well.. You can help me with my bills maybe. Just work is so hard, now we're all grown up... But what I am trying to say is, well... Would you like to live with me?" My brother asked.
"Oh sure Sam! When do you want me to start living there?" I answered, with a big smile. I leaned forward on my knees.
"Maybe any day this week, I'm thinking Thursay. Any time you want." Sam said, kind of excited.
"Okay! See you then!" I dealed.
"Okay. See ya." I hanged up, and brushed my teeth.
I quickly put on my clothes. I slowly looked at myself at the mirror and winked at myself, and winked. I ran down the halls of the hotel to get breakfast. People yelled, "hey!" Or "watch where you're going, bud!"
I still ran and got some cereal. I poured some milk into the bowl, and sat down. I slowly ate, as the milk spilt out of my mouth back into my bowl or on my lap.
I couldn't wait to go Sam's house.
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Comments (6)

WastingMyLifeOnline
It's a nice story, aside from a few grammar errors. But what happens next? It's kind of confusing?
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Lucy_Heartfilia
I know there is grammar errors.. But this is what I found online and it made NO SENSE. So I tried my best to make it by myself.
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on June 28
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on June 28
Lucy_Heartfilia
Thanks. @Dei_Dei
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on June 24
Dei_Dei
I like how this story is going, and how you lay it out too, but here is some advice:
If there are two people having a conversation, you don't need to bother putting "said" at the end of each time a person speaks. E.g
"How was your day?" Sam asked.
"Not good."
"Why?" See More▼
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Lucy_Heartfilia
Thanks. But whenever I usually read I find it hard to read it and find out whose talking. I thought others would think the same. But thanks for the wonderful, and more convenient advice!
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Dei_Dei
haha to tell you the truth, it does make it a little easier to read- however with the advice I gave you, you'll look like a professional writer in no time.
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on June 24
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on June 23
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on June 23