Just Listen...Okay.... I don’t know where to start on this subject; in fact I don’t even want to talk about it. But if I don’t, then nobody’s ever going to know what’s on my mind, right? So I guess this has bothered me ever since I knew what it was. Suicide. Sound familiar? You know I used to see on TV shows, people attempting to kill themselves, over some family problem or something, but in the end, when they jumped from the building or whatever they were doing, something miraculous would happen, and they’d appreciate life more and thank god that they were alive. So I always thought that if you ever tried to kill yourself, you never could, just because you have a guardian angel or someone like that looking over you. But the older I get, the more confusing the world gets, the worse bullying gets, it gradually occurred to me that I was wrong.
So it makes me think, why do people do it? I mean, bullying has driven them towards it, or something bad that stands out in their life. But, take you for example. If someone had been bullying you, talking about you, would you seriously try and cut yourself? Or take it as far to commit suicide. Are you gonna let some jealous tormentor let you take that risk? I mean come on! In the end, if you killed yourself, there’s no going back. You had a chance in life, and you blew it. Why? All because some loser is jealous of you and wants to bring you down. You let them bring you down. You gave into them. They might have told you to go die, and say mean, hurtful things like that, but is it their life? No! In the end, it doesn’t matter what they said, it’s what you did. You took an innocent life. You didn’t have to.
I’m not trying to mean, but it makes me cry just writing about it. Suicide. What? Why? How? It’s so confusing. Yet I don’t know the half of it. I know I have had some knock backs in my life, but I’d never reach for a knife. Sure, I’ve always thought of it as an alternative. When my ‘so called’ friends left me and talked about me and left insensitive voice messages to me, I’d lay in bed at night, thinking ‘why don’t I just go into the kitchen and get a kni- no... Don’t even go there...’ and even if I did hold a knife to my wrist, I just couldn’t cut it. I’d be so stupid to do that. I’d embarrass myself and my family. I’d get into a lot of trouble. In the end, what relief do you get out of it? I wouldn’t know. Maybe you’ve experienced it. Only you’d know. But to be honest, I wouldn’t want to know.
You know what else I don’t get? Why people brag about trying to kill/ harm themselves. What do you expect? Someone to say ‘aw are you okay? I’m sorry I yelled at you yesterday is that why you tried to do that?’ coz I know my parents would get so mad at me if I told them that. Or sometimes, your parents might not listen to you. They actually might be the ones that turned you towards doing that. But there are always alternatives. You should never turn to suicide for attention, relief, or for any other reason. After all, once you’re there, you alone. There’s no going back. Talk to someone. Don’t pull your sleeves over your wrists and cover it. Why let the blood flow when you could be expressing your feelings. And when you feel lonely, even when surrounded by lots of people who claim to hate you, just remember that they are jealous.
I’m a shy girl, crazy around friends though. I let people in. I’ve let them open up my heart. I’ve let them raid my feelings. But I held the door open for them when they left me broken hearted. Most of them came running back knocking at the door. Some people I realized had left a dent in my heart; there was a space in my life for them. Others I had to learn from, after letting them in many times. Some people I could tell weren’t worth the ground they walked on and I left them to fend for themselves, like they did to me. And of course, there were the people that we all experience at some point in our lives, the ones that made you laugh the most, but were the reason you cried the most. These are the people that I had to let go of. These were the people that made me question my life.
I just feel like I had to get that out. You might agree with me, you might disagree, but at least you all know now why I get angry at people who have killed themselves, cut themselves or attempted to do it. I hope my nagging, advice and sympathy has made you think twice about suicide or self harm. I want it to stop... I know you do too :) x