Horrible...

Horrible...

So... I don't know how to say this... But, I think I'm becoming depressed. I feel like I'm helping everyone else, and then forgetting about myself. Then whenever I try to help, something bad happens, and I blame it all on myself... I feel like I was being a horrible person and just stood there to watch it. I'm loosing people in my life very quickly and.... I'm not gonna start self-harming, that would be stupid of me. I'm not gonna try suicide, I don't want to leave the world. But I feel like no one cares... And if they do, I ruined it. I ruin everything... I'm being a horrible friend to... Everyone... And everyone that I've lost touch with... It was my fault they left... I'm a pain in the arse to everyone... I may seem a happy cheerful person all the time to everyone, but it's only because I don't want to show my sorrow. I don't want to show any pain or loss... Please... Give me something. If I'm sad or mad at the world or myself, what can I do to reassure myself I'm fine? What can I do to know that it's not my fault?

But.... Just know that I'm not giving up until I know it's all over. And it's not over yet... Nowhere near over.

Oh, and, Emma. If you read this, please don't talk to me about it outside of Qfeast. I'd rather keep this here than spread it everywhere. Don't even tell Kate unless she has a Qfeast account too. Thank you, and sorry.

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Answers (9)

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mikus_chibi_neko
I'm not sure what to call your condition, it may be a minor depression. Or a self hate condition.
on March 22
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The_Panda_Otaku
oh wow..-virtual hug- I cant really help since..well I haven't gone through that but one thing is stay positive..I don't realy know what else too say..
EverymanHABIT
*Virtually hugs back* I'll try and stay as positive as possible.
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on June 29, 2014
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on June 29, 2014
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Frostgoddess
*virtual hug* I'm really sorry, I don't think I'll be of much help, but.......
I would pray about it. Tell our Heavenly Father how you feel. He loves all of us, and wants us to be happy, so if you pray to him, he'll help you through this. just keep your chin up and know that everything will get better.
EverymanHABIT
Alright. I've been planning to start prayers daily, and I plan to find something to pray about everyday. *Virtually hugs back*
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on June 28, 2014
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on June 28, 2014
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EverymanHABIT
Virtual hugs from everyone who reads this? Please?
SnakesVenomSans
*virtual hug*
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on June 29, 2014
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on June 28, 2014
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Nightcat
Fire tests gold. You're probably going through a rough patch, and I'm not going to lie, I don't know you and I'm not going to pretend you're my friend because I have no idea who the heck you are. Don't worry, you are loved. It's not your fault things happen, that you try and help but it turns out badly. I'm not going to go on about God in case you don't believe in him and start going -_- oh a bible basher but he loves you. More than the universe and himself.
EverymanHABIT
I'm a Christian, so I do believe in God, and thank you. That really means a lot and I'll keep every word in mind.
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on June 28, 2014
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on June 28, 2014
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DarkAngel1204
I understand the feelings you are going through..I am the same way, but it really does a total to your body. It leaves you in a state even when u try to keep everyone happy, one mistake in your mind causes you to blow up and make your self more depressed. Even when people try to help you even loved ones, you push away. Listen, if your parents don't know you cut, don't tell them. Mine took me to a therapist..it sucked! But if you keep it up, they r horrible scars. Trust me. I know See More▼
EverymanHABIT
I'm not cutting and (hopefully) I never will. Cutting does nothing but hurt.... I don't see how it's supposed to help. But, every word you're saying, means a lot. Thank you. I'll keep this in mind, forever.
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EverymanHABIT
I hope so too.
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on June 28, 2014
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DarkAngel1204
I'm glad and your welcome. Your still very young and Have the whole world in front of you. I hope this obstacle in your life goes away soon!
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on June 28, 2014
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on June 28, 2014
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on June 28, 2014
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SnakesVenomSans
I care about you a whole lot! I feel the same way you do at school and sometimes here but I just smile. Enough with me,you are one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for. If you are depressed or sad, all I can do is help the best I can and hope you get better. Whatever your problems are I know you can get through It. You can get through sadness because you are one of the strongest people i know. You are a really good friend and things would not be the Same without you. See More▼
EverymanHABIT
*Hugs back* Thank you so much... It really means a lot... I'm just loosing touch with everything I believe, if that makes any sense...
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SnakesVenomSans
Anything for a friend!
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on June 28, 2014
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on June 28, 2014
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on June 28, 2014
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sisaloofafump
Um, well, if I'm in a bad situation, later on I like to think back at it and see if I can laugh.
EverymanHABIT
I try that, but sometimes it doesn't help...
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on June 28, 2014
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on June 28, 2014
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ZodiacAnimeFreak
Hey remember When i help u with your brother? I do care about your life,your like a sister to me your a VERY GOOD FRIEND!! Serisouly i cant dont that even though we dont know each other in real world i really love u ( like a friend of course) your sooooo SPECIAL kid
EverymanHABIT
That's what everyone says, but I have the feeling there is no reason to believe it...
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EverymanHABIT
Alright....
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on June 28, 2014
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ZodiacAnimeFreak
I know Its hard to believe,but u can count on me
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on June 28, 2014
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EverymanHABIT
I know, but...
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on June 28, 2014
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ZodiacAnimeFreak
Why not? Im not lying,im tellling the truth
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on June 28, 2014
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on June 28, 2014
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on June 28, 2014
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