vent page :'-I

can't even go to school without feeling horrible can't even stay home and get sad

sometimes....
my balls itch

at this point, i do want to relapse. but... im trying so hard not to for Sam.. (@turtlewithswords)

ive been 7 months clean of sh, and 10 months clean of OD.

i use to do it to die, but this time i want to do it to get away from home, i want some space. but i also have to take care of my family. if i get sent away what will they do without me?...

i am tired,

im tired of feelings,

but the main thing i tired of.. my body, and eating

i have been over eating cause i know my ED (eating disorder) is coming back. yesterday when i realized how much i ate i went to the bathroom and purged... i havent done that in 7 months. i know it was a wrong way to relapse, but it felt good to do it.. i binge ate again today and the thought of purging is bothering me atm, i want to, but i kinda just want to not eat anymore, if i die oh well... See More▼ who in my family will even care at this point really..

i was doing so good, i actually almost hurt myself again earlier. but Sam texted me, and i realied they were the only reason im going. i have to keep going, or else they wont get their amazing Xmas gifts. :,)

I lied to my therapist to stay out of the hospital :)
6 days clean!

it suck im the first one to use this, TW
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The urge to sh is slowly getting worse, im just so stressed out these past few weeks. ive been good since the end of March, i dont want to hurt myself, ive been doing good! But i dont know how to get the feeling away..