your.cool.grandma - Page 150

My nose is all runny and I hate it
Allergies fuuck off

Tbh I don't really want to be at rehearsals atm

I'm in the car with one of the people from my cast that goes to my church and one day more came on and I want to sing but I'm self conscious

I can't swallow my antibiotics at all anymore
I can't take big pills smh

I'm in the mood for snuggles *sigh*

hihibby

I have a cut on my bottom lip : (

I keep hearing kids outside and I keep thinking something is wrong bc they keep screaming bc they're playing and it worries me dang motherly instincts

Hey I actually got work done today at school

I'm scared this experienced person is going to think bad of me lol
Like
I'm gonna embarrass myself
I've been sick with strep throat I probably sound really bad hh
Why am I so anxious about voice lessons wtf

I have voice lessons and I really don't want to go
My mom asked if I wanted to do it like a month ago and I said I was interested, and last night I told her I didn't want to do it and my mom got all mad at me over it and now I have to do it
Smh

I did almost no work today at school because I just drew the neighbors :') save me I love them too much

More venting hahaha:

I told my mom:
I'm probably saying this because I'm not in the best mood but
I really feel like you could care less about how I'm feeling right now and all you want me to do is do something completely useless to my knowledge and that's all I'm really worth or good for
Idk it's just kinda how I feel right now
I don't want to talk about this in person because I don't want to be a weak baby and cry over such a stupid subject because I can't 'suck it up' and See More do my pointless schoolwork.

All she tells me is:
I do care about you but I'm not going to fight via text when you're supposed to be watching your sisters

It really doesn't feel like you care, Mom.
I just finished crying in the shower with the heat all the way on and it fuucking hurt but I didn't really care because I really feel like I deserve physical pain atm :/

I'm gonna have a vent moment real quick because I'm such a bitch about this situation:

I was supposed to go to school today but my mom let me stay home. I was supposed to do homework and clean something up around the house while I was home alone.
So far I've only gotten two pages of my homework done. That's it. That's the only productive thing I've done today.
I'm so damn unmotivated and lazy and I feel like I can't get anything done. All my motivation to be active from yesterday See More is gone.
I've been telling myself "okay you can do this" and I've literally been sitting at the kitchen table for two hours with little work done
I keep trying to work and I feel like I can't
No matter what I tell myself to motivate myself, no matter how hard I think of something "rewarding" or to look forward to if I get my work done, nothing is working.
I feel like I'm already to the point where I don't care about school.
I don't think I really care anymore. It still feels so pointless. It's felt pointless since the seventh grade. It doesn't seem worth it.
I told my mom how I felt and all she tells me is that "oh it doesn't matter how you feel about it and it has to get done"
To me, I feel like she told me "I don't care about you or your feelings, you just need to get your stupid math homework that will mean NOTHING to you in the future done"
I've tried to do it. I've been trying to do it. NOTHING MOTIVATES ME ANYMORE AND WHAT DOES MOTIVATE ME I DONT END UP GETTING BECAUSE I DONT GET THE WORK DONE IM SUPPOSED TO GET DONE. ITS POINTLESS TO ME AND IM LITERALLY CEYING OVER THIS BECAUSE IM A DAMN BABY AND CLEARLY CANT HANDLE ANYTHING WITHOUT GETTING ALL UPSET AND DEPRESSED OVER IT
I feel like such a burden and I feel like my only worth right now is school. That's all I'm worth. Schoolwork. Schoolwork I don't give a damn about and I'd be perfectly fine without. Schoolwork I can live without.
Why bother with something so damn worthless

I can't focus and everything is distracting me
I really don't care for school and I'm really unmotivated