Tell me what ya think, gimme feedback c:

A story of a young child and her two pet cats, the child, Lee, believes that she is seeing Ghosts, or as she describes them, "Almost Invisible People". Whenever she feels like something is watching her, the cats always act up. Will she convince her parents that she's really seeing them, and that they aren't made up? All questions will be answered in the next episode of DRAGON BALL Z.

published 26 days ago5 reads 5 readers 4 not completed

The Spirit Following Me

Lee woke up, the bright sunny glow filled her room and her cats were awoken as well. As usual, she felt a presence, but ignored it. Her cats, however, did not. They hissed, and arched their backs until Lee walked over to them and fed them. After Lee had done this, she walked downstairs and ate breakfast with her family. Her mother cheerfully spoke, a sunny gleam in her eye and a smile on her face "So, lee, we heard the cats this morning. Are you sure Moxy and Snips are acting alright? We've been hearing it every morning since you got them..". Her father spoke as well, but he wasn't as cheerful about it "They woke me up this morning, if they can't calm down we'll make them outdoor cats!". Lee then pitched in, her voice raised higher than theirs. "But you can't! Moxy and Snips don't like sleeping without being next to me!". Her father laughed, not believing her. "I was just joking, but please do try to stop the hissing? It keeps waking me up". Lee nodded, today was Saturday, so instead of going to school, she always took a walk to get to the park, and then to the forest. Lee packed herself a lunch, and some cat food, then walked out of the house with Moxy and Snips, after they were at the park, they felt the presence again. As they continued walking to the forest, the presence followed. Once she got to the spot she ate her lunch and fed her cats at, the presence spoke.
"Help.. Me...". Lee was terrified and her two black cats hissed at the presence. Lee spoke shakily, "W..What is y..your name?"
The ghost spoke again, pain filling its voice "Jacklyn....."
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Comments (4)

Mr.Slinky
Good story. Not my cup of tea for genre to read I just read it because the title asked for feedback lol. Make it a little more meaty though if that makes sense. Like fill your story with more character, give your cats some personality individually as well as your main character Lee. Make the audience want to here more about Lee and make them fall in love with See More▼
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Snaill
Wow thanks! I was going to do some of that already, but I didn't think about the cats or the audience. This helps a lot.
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on Thursday
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26 days ago
Liltoot23
It's good
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26 days ago
Mr.Slinky
First sentence of the story needs to be restructured. It sounds bad to say one thing and then add onto it immediately in the same sentence. Having two complete conjugates need to be separated by a comma before the "and". However it would sound better if it was stated as Lee and her cats were awoken by the bright sun filling her room. Or Lee woke up, the bright See More▼
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26 days ago