Mental

This is not just a story, it's what I feel inside. When I accidently told my friend and her mother of my past and problems of today, her mother wouldn't let us be friends. Please, if you have the time, read this message I've written. And For today, I sign off.~ Acacia

published on March 04, 201511 reads 10 readers 2 not completed

Mental

Yes I’m mental…
I have anxiety for everything. I see and hear things others can’t. I can’t sleep, I have depression. I have bad anger issues. I can never pay attention in class. I have acne problems. I lie a lot without thinking. I have unexplainable rage and sadness. I used to fight with my siblings.
And the worst thing my mother said was when she called me an attention seeker, which admittedly in the past… I was.
And I also have ADD.
IF you’re mom doesn’t want you hanging out with me…
then I understand, and I’ll respect her wishes.
Just remember that me being ‘mental’ doesn’t mean
I DONT have a heart, feelings or any sanity in me,
and that even though I may swear… or get mad…
it still wouldn’t stop me from loving everyone like family or treating anyone kindly.

Nobody’s perfect… am I right?

This is what happens when I love.
Things fall apart.
My soulmate is a million miles away.
My best friendship has been ruined…
Because of a mistake in the past.
All because I came out of my hermit shell.
This is my fault.
I shouldn’t have tried to love.
All that happens…
is people get hurt.
Because of Me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don’t share the blame.
It was me.
Maybe I am mental.
But I could care less…
Honestly though…
It hurts so much…
Why do I carry on to let out my love.
When all I get back is hate.
Despair.
Broken relationships.
And the pain.
The pain is agonizing.
I try to not let it show.
But it’s impossible.
No… don't blame yourself.
It was my feelings that pushed me to it…
I’m just soft.
Weak.
Innocent.
And you just make me stronger.
Through suffering.
And Pain.
But I try to hide the battle going on in me.
Other people are suffering to.
The only thing I can do…
is share my kindness to those who need it.
It’s better me experience the pain.
I don't want you to suffer the way I do.
Its awful.
It would help if the people opened their eyes.
And See what they did to us.
I’m not saying anyone is to blame.
Its my fault anyway.
I’m just trying to change the world.
Being kind crushes you and attracts enemies.
I want to take the pain from everyone.
I want to hold all the pain, hate and sin inside
So no one else will experience pain.
And suffering.
I’m sorry…
is that too much to ask?

I finished writing my rant and sat there, thinking inside. The words were bold, yes, but hopefully not too dramatic. Of course not, don't be silly! I always tell myself. *My thoughts are random, and the door creaks open.* Why oh why am I writing what is happening right now. Right here. The visions came back, thanks to my depression. Just vivid and sad. That's all I'll say. Calm down, that's what they told me to do when this happened. The figure this time was a girl, no older than 7. Creepy, and I start to hyperventalate. Writing this down can help, I guess... Ok, ok focus, stop shaking... breathe in.... breathe out.... say this in my mind and become aware of my reality. Close my eyes, breathe out. I open my eyes and focus on the little things. I look out my window, and ignore the girl. A bird is flying and the wind is blowing. I think north. or south... Not sure. Ok, ok... gotta stop for a moment. No anxiety right now, please... I hear the bird's song and tell myself what I saw. *Breathe in* I see a bird and the wind is blowing. *Breathe out* The bird landed on a branch on a willow tree, *Breathe in* I am now typing what I saw. *Breathe out* The girl's gone. Good. So now, thank you all for the 350 follows and I want to say I love each and everyone of you! Good luck with your life! ~ Acacia
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Comments (2)

mcr_pride
I'm sorry, I hope things will get better for you
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Acacia_The_Goddess
Thank you, that's very kind of you
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