Voldemort and the Quest for Facial Hair

Robert's Beard

You may be wondering when we actually get to the part about Voldy's facial hair.
Patience. We are getting there.

Robert the Tulip-Lover had a beard. A really stunning beard. It flowed from his face like water from a watering can. It was as smooth as the petals of a tulip.
And Voldemort was jealous.
Truth be told, Voldy saw it only once, and that was when he landed in Robert's tulips. When he was fleeing from the fellow's cranberry juice, he glanced back for a moment. In that moment he saw the beard.
Voldy was proud of his lifestyle. He was proud of the soup he had risen from that day in the graveyard.
But secretly he wished for a beard.
It had all started when he saw Dumbledore's beard. Dumbledore had such a wonderful beard. Now, when Voldy was a human boy he hadn't really cared about beards, but now he was something else and he did.
And that day, with his behind sore from the fall from a two-story window, he decided he would get a beard.