Rambles and Poems

Coming Out

am I gay

or just lonely?

this is a question I ask myself many

late nights

curled up under the covers

and sheets,

an empty space

beside me.



yes, I find many girls pretty.

that's not uncommon for anyone.

sometimes my heart skips a beat

when Her face is near mine

but is it out of nervousness

or attraction?

am I not used to having someone's

face that close?



I like boys

that much is true

and I've always considered the possibility

that I like girls as well.

but honestly

who hasn't?



I'm an ally.

I've always

been an ally

and I'm proud of it.

I'm proud

of my friends.

but maybe

just maybe

I'm not just an ally?



this whole thing is pointless.

I've always been a hopeless romantic

falling in love too easily

and falling out of it

just as easily.

what is wrong with me?

why do I spend

so many nights

thinking about this?



how do I know

if I swing both ways?

how do I know

if I'm not delusional

and just trying to fit in?

trying to be 'cool'

and queer?

what if that's all

this really is?



I don't know who

I am.

if I'm being honest

with myself

I've never known.

one step that will

lead me there

is knowing my sexuality

but I can't seem

to figure it out.

so again, I ask

am I gay?

or just lonely?


but again She's there

and She held my hand

while laughing,

head thrown back,

crinkles around Her eyes,

and I knew that

this feeling

inside my chest

would be nagging me

taunting me

appearing everytime

She looked at me

and that's

when I realized

I'm gay

AND

lonely