Skinny.

Depressed but... happy?

I didn't know it was possible to be depressed and happy at the same time until... I was.
By now, my parents KNOW something is up. Every night, I'm forced to eat a plate full of dinner, as they watch my every move. And every night, Ana forces me over the porcelain toilet bowl, retching until blood comes up with my dinner.
"Melanie..." my mom says at dinner one night.
"What?" I snap, shoving my icky, nasty, fattening pasta around on the plate.
"I think you need to go to therapy," she says.
I drop my fork with a loud clatter.
"Therapy? What the hell, Mom!"
"Language," she sighs. "I just think a therapist could help."
"Help with what? I'm NORMAL!" I yell.
Kacey looks up at me, startled.
"We're not saying there's something wrong with you..." Mom says.
"Then why the hell do I need therapy?" I glare at her.
"Honey, we know you're starving yourself!" she yells.
I freeze.
Lie, Ana says.
"I'm not," I say, emotionless.
"The hell you are!" Dad says suddenly.
"Well shit, thanks guys! Not only do you think I'm insane, you think I'm starving myself." I get out of my chair and walk up to my room. I slam the door and lock it. No one is bothering me tonight.

My night is typical. I avoid my family, I puke until I see blood, and I do my exercises that claim to burn 1,000 calories. But tonight, Ana's mad. So, I get to feel her wrath. I wait until I know everyone is asleep before I sneak downstairs.
I rummage through the medicine bin until I find them: the laxatives and the sleeping pills.
I quietly tip-toe up to my bathroom. I start with the laxatives, which completely clean me out. My stomach churns for an entire hour. Then, I take the sleeping pills so I can get a full nights sleep.
That night, I have an awful dream.
Ana is a person in my dream. She looks like me, only skinnier and prettier. She follows me everywhere, guiding me on how to be perfect. All is well, until I die.
I wake up, startled and panting. Uncontrollable tears pour out of my eyes like a faucet.
I rip at my hair and have to shove a pillow in my mouth to keep from screaming and waking up the whole house.
For the first time in months, I don't want Ana.