Priceless (A MIKA Fanfic) (Remake)

Chapter 33

When we got to Mica's house, he unlocked the door before stepping inside. I trailed after him into the house, and he turned the key in the door after closing it, then put it in his blazer pocket.

"Shall we go to my room, then?" Mica asked me.

"Okay." I agreed.

Then Mica went over to the door to the living room, and opened it slightly.

"Mum, Victoria's here. We're just going to go up to my room." he called through the door.

"Okay." I heard Mrs Penniman reply, and then Mica and I went up the stairs to his bedroom.

When we entered his room, Mica sat down on his bed, then gestured for me to sit beside him. I seated myself next to him on the bed, and we sat in silence for a moment before Mica spoke.

"Victoria?" he said.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

I remembered what I was going to do tonight, and I instantly felt guilty. I knew how much it was going to hurt him when I killed myself tonight. But I wouldn't have to see his reaction and how upset he would be if I wasn't alive.

I thought about telling Mica that I had been feeling suicidal again, but I didn't want him to save me like he had done yesterday. I just wanted to end my life and get it over with, because otherwise I would have to continue with life as myself.

"Yeah." I lied, my mind still full of thoughts of suicide.

"You just seem like something's bothering you." he said.

"Nothing's really bothering me." I told him.

"Is it what happened with Jade and Emily in English?" he asked me.

I shook my head.

"Victoria, you know you can tell me anything." Mica said.

"There's really nothing bothering me." I insisted.

"Okay, then." he said, but I could tell he didn't believe me.

Another moment of silence passed before Mica said something else.

"Well. . .something's been bothering me." he confessed.

I suddenly felt scared that I had done something to hurt him. He could have been going to tell me that he didn't love me anymore, or that he wanted to break up with me.

But what he said next was quite the opposite.

"I'm. . .I'm an awful boyfriend." he said quietly, looking down at the floor.

"You're not." I told him.

It always made me feel upset whenever Mica said horrible things about himself, because none of it was true. When I said that I was a bad person, it was okay because it was true. But when he said things like that about himself, it made me feel sad because it wasn't. He was such an amazing person, and I loved him so much.

"I am, though. I don't know why you're still dating me, really. All I do is hurt you. I pretended to break up with you and I made you self harm. I don't know how you forgave me for that." he said sadly.

"Mica, I said before that it wasn't your fault. It's okay." I told him.

"It's not okay, though. I keep thinking about what I did to you, and I still feel awful." he said, tears beginning to form in his eyes as he spoke.

As he said this, I felt even more guilty about the fact that I was about to commit suicide. He seemed upset enough already, and I knew how much it would destroy him when he found out that I was dead tomorrow, or maybe today. For a second I considered staying strong and carrying on with my life, but I knew that I couldn't stand to live for another day.

"Promise me that you'll never leave me, Victoria. I love you." Mica whispered hoarsely, a tear running down his right cheek.

"I promise." I whispered back.

But it was a false promise.

Mica pulled me into a hug, holding me tightly in his arms. I snuggled up to him, knowing that this would be the last time that he would hold me.

Then I suddenly remembered something that I had been meaning to tell him, but never did. I was scared to tell him before, because I was afraid of his reaction. But I wasn't going to be here much longer anyway, so I figured that I might as well tell him.

"Mica. . .I just realised that I never told you why I don't talk at school." I whispered, my voice shaking with fear.

I felt the awful feeling in my stomach that I always got when I was scared, and I felt as if I was about to be sick. I looked away in shame, hiding my face from him as I spoke my next words.

"It's. . .it's because of a disorder I have." I forced out.

He let go of me, forcing me to look up at him. I braced myself for what he was going to say to me next, knowing that it was probably going to be something bad.

"You probably hate me now." I said, looking down at the floor so I didn't have to see how disappointed he was probably going to look after finding out that I wasn't the person he thought I was.

"Hate you? Why would I hate you?" he asked me, looking confused.

"Because I'm even more worthless than you thought. I'm sorry." I said, feeling as if I was about to cry.

"Victoria, that's very brave of you to tell me something like this. I'm proud of you." he told me.

"Really?" I asked him.

"Yes, really." he said with a smile.

"I. . .I thought you wouldn't love me anymore." I confessed, still staring at the floor.

"Victoria, of course I still love you. I loved you when other kids made fun of you and said horrible things about you. I loved you when you suffered with panic attacks. I loved you when you were suicidal." he told me, and the horrible feeling in my stomach reappeared at the word 'suicidal'.

"I love you despite all of these things, because they do not define you. So what makes you think I would stop loving you because you have a disorder?" he continued, his eyes full of sincerity.

Then he was kissing me, and I was kissing him back. I thought about how this would be the last time that I would ever kiss Mica. After today, his lips would never touch mine again, because I would no longer be here. I almost wished I could stay, just so I didn't have to leave him, but I knew what I had to do.

When we pulled away, he looked at me for a moment, then spoke again.

"I'll never leave you, Victoria. I love you." he whispered, taking my hand in his.

I felt yet another pang of guilt, as I knew that I would be the one to leave him, and not the other way around.

"And I'll never leave you." I lied.

When it was time for me to go home, Mica came downstairs with me to see me out of the door.

"Victoria, I hope you're not thinking about suicide anymore." he said as I was about to leave.

"No, actually. I haven't thought about it at all today. I think I was just feeling bad yesterday." I lied again, feeling even worse.

"I'm really glad you haven't. I don't know what I would do if I lost you." he said.

"Yeah. . ." I said quietly.

"Well, I'll see you at school tomorrow." Mica said to me.

"Yeah." I repeated, even though I knew I wouldn't be at school the next day.

Then he kissed me again, and that time was definitely going to be the last time.

"Bye, Victoria." he said after we pulled away, and I stepped out of his house into the evening light.

"Bye, Mica." I called back to him as I made my way down the steps outside his house to begin my walk home.

But little did he know that he would be saying goodbye to me for the last time.