A Writer's True Self

The Decision

Each page had the same thing of each page. A different girl's name was wrote on the page with their birthday and class room number underneath. Then, I noticed most of the girl's name had been X-ed out. As a matter a fact, all the girls on each page had their names marked out until I made it to the last name in the book. 'Carrie Franklin' Unlike the others, my name was not mark out or was there anything under my name.

What in the world is this? I figured he is just marking out the girls he does not like, but why am I not marked out? Staring at the page for a minute, I searched through out the book to find Ebony's name. When I found it, I realized the X over her name. He put that there after he said no to her feelings. The information in this book made no sense, but I figured I could keep it until something came around. I never thought Luke would be like that though.

Closing the notebook, I put it in my pocket and decided  to spend my free time writing in the novel. Unlike other teenage girls, I have never had any enter action with a guy. I mean I have held my cousin's hand and fell asleep besides him, but only because his mother and mine were very close before the accident that killed Allen's parents. However, the friend type of connection is not what my readers want.

I tried writing the first sentence of my new chapter. 'My icy blue eyes were lost in the sky of light blue colors. Thoughts of him entered my mind. Count Kane circled inside my mind. My cheeks started heating up bright red as I imagined him. Turning away from the window, I noticed my heart beat rising like my icy heart was melting.." NO! I hated everything I just wrote.

How could she have a thing for him if he wants to turn her kingdom of icy light into darkness? My fans are weird. The bell rang soon after I gave up on writing. Walking to my locker, I heard the giggle of girls in a circle with a black haired boy towering over them. Of course, Luke has all his girls around him. Rolling my blue eyes, I pushed my glasses up my face and walked by the group of idiots. Those stupid girls do not understand how much he is using them for some type of game.

As I passed by, I heard a voice calling out to me, "Hey. Carrie was it?"

Turning around, I saw Luke walking towards me with his kind smile that made all those girls fall for him; however, it just made me sick. "Yes. Surprised you could remember my name." I turned my gaze away from him and started walking away, but I heard his footsteps following me.

"I do apologize for knocking you down." This time his simple smile turned into a teeth showing smile. The type of smile that made me want to punch his confident self in the face, but I knew it was a bad idea.

"It is fine." I answered staying short hopping he would leave me alone. Arriving at my locker, Luke was still by my side. Keeping his notebook inside my binder, I was hopping it would not fall out before I could get hope.

"Let me take you out for my mistake." Luke tried pulling me into the trap, but I just rolled my eyes and shut the locker door with my binder in my arms.

"I would rather go home and be alone than have you take me out." I told him. By the look in his eyes, I realized the shock look.

"Oh come on, Carrie. I will not try to kill you or anything." Luke tried insisting for me to go with him, but I saw the thick blonde hair of my cousin in the distance and looked at Luke with my cold icy blue eyes.

"I know you wouldn't, but I have better things to do." I ran to Allen after I said that. Allen cocked his head to the side in confusion as I said, "Do not talk about it. Just let me think."

As we walked home, I wondered how I was going to write a love story since I have never experienced it. Allen could help me, but he is more shy and quiet compared to the Count. I need someone confident who will do anything to get what he wanted. Arriving home, I figured what if I did not have to be in love? What if it was just fake love for the story? Like missions with someone who would not care about me.

"Carrie!! Stop day dreaming and come eat!" My mother roared at me as I placed my binder down on the counter. As I ate my food, I realized just who I could use for my brilliant ideas. It will just be missions. There will be no emotions what so ever. Now, tomorrow will be the day I start my missions. "Carrie, start eating your food."

"I am sorry, mother. I am thinking." I answered eating the dinner sitting in front of me. There was a liquid meat on top of white rice that looked disgusting, but somehow my mother made it look good.

"Are you thinking of Luke?" Allen asked as I glared at him with my icy eyes.

"A BOY?! Did he just say a boy?" My father almost chocked on his food as he uttered those words.

"Our little girl has a crush!" My mother almost jumped from joy.

Standing up from the table, I started walking to my room as I said, "I would rather be buried alive than have a crush on that pig."