oh noI stared at the red notification, not knowing what it meant. I clicked on it, hoping it would close away. It did not.
“We highly recommend you post something on qfeast to keep your followers entertained!” It said.
I laughed. “What followers? I am but a fool who does not have those.”
Just kidding, I did not laugh and merely dismissed the notification. But it came back.
It said those oh so threatening words again, so what did I do? I wrote a story with the most sarcasm I could. I just broke the fourth wall. How do you feel, nerds?
I then completed the story and hoped the notification would bother me no longer.
OH HO HO BUT I WAS MISTAKEN, IT WOULD NOT BE THAT EASY.
I read the words it presented me. “1000 characters or more.”
Well then, I suppose I can write some more. I will write until I think it is 1000. I really like cheesecake. That’s important. I have school tomorrow and I want to die.
I clicked on the publish story once more.
I sobbed, for I had not reached 1000. OH WAIT I HAVE NOW
I cried once more, for it said I needed 2000, actually. I began typing again, putting down random nonsense as I hoped these crazy long fancy weird wacky words would help me reach 2000.
“Please,” I begged, “let me finish it.”
I thought back to my ELA teacher, who always said not to include too much dialogue. Hopefully that upped my word count. And that. And that. And that.
“ANTIDISTABLISHMENTARIANISM!” I shouted. Please Jesus let me finish this godforsaken story. I don’t care about it. Oh my god let me finish it. I am UPSET AND TIRED IT’S 5 A.M.
I looked down at my word count, which needed about 400 more characters. I kept typing in order to gradually bring the number downward.
I sighed, for this was dragging on forever.
“ANTICALIFRAGILISTICEXPEAELADOSIS!” I sobbed, wanting to be free of this hell I was forced into.
I persevered thoroughly, hoping greatly that these lengthy words would help the word count. ONLY A FEW MORE. ONCE THIS SAYS IM OKAY I WILL STOP WRIT