The beginningStory: chapter one
Here is all I know about France, oops I forgot, I don't know anything.
A few weeks ago, my mother enrolled me in a boarding school. She thinks it will be good for me to forget everything I know and start fresh to expand my "comfort zone".
Since her announcement, I've tried everything I can possibly think of to get her to change her mind: yelling, crying, screaming, pleading and begging, but she just didn't budge, so I am now in a minuscule room supposedly my bedroom in the middle of France with my mother preparing to leave to board a plane back to Jacksonville.
I've always loved a low key life in a quiet, sunny place. Just me and mom against the world. I never thought that first trip abroad would be without my mom.
It feels as if she wants rid of me so she can play happy families with her new fiancé and step son, but at least she had the sense to put me into a school where they speak English .
But really who sents their child away to boarding school? Honestly who? I imagined hogwarts when someone said "boarding school", with cute boys, magic and delicious candy... Well my new school is exactly the same minus the cute boys, magic and delicious candy.
Mom says I need to lose the attitude ASAP, but she's not the one leaving her life behind.
"Becca it's time for me to go"
What already?, "But it's like..." I trail off looking at ,y little clock in the shape of a bat. It's five thirty, "never mind" I turn around and gaze out my window at the ever darkening sky, to hide the fact I'm tearing up.
I can no longer pretend to be interested by the sky so I turn around, I'm shocked to see her crying. She never cries. NEVER!
"Take care of yourself. Your no longer my little baby", I should hope not, she sighs and continues, "Don't do anything stupid, study hard and try", she emphasises the word, "to make some friends".
After encasing me in a hug, crushing my bones, she throws the strap of her shoulder bag over her shoulder. She edges towards the door, unsure. Hesitant.
Then she's gone. The door closed, stopping me from running after her.
My damn breaks and I collapse on the floor unable to restrain the sudden emotions hitting me such intensity. I rock back and forth, trying in vain to stop the racking sobs from shaking my body.
I give up trying to calm myself down and curl up pathetically like a two year old when having one of its tantrums.
I know what's coming but it doesn't mean I'm prepared for it, I never am. The panic. My legs start bouncing up and down. My breathing quickens and I struggle to remain quiet, my sounds getting louder, sending my heart into a frenzy as it fights against me.
The panic wins, and I can no longer ignore it.
My only companion through life has left me and I have no bloody clue what to do. How will I speak to people in shops? I can't speak French! Who will I turn to when things are bad? I don't know any one! Who can calm me down when I have a panic attack? Stop my mom from finding out I have panic attacks? NO ONE!!!
Calm, Becky. Calm.
I stumble through a door connected to my room, leading to my own bathroom ( minus the toilet, they are shared down the hall ) and splash my face with water from the taps, spraying water everywhere.
Everyone is going to think I'm a freak! Everyone!!! I tell you EVERYONE!!!
The water isn't helping so I practically crawl back into my room and climb onto my unmade bed.
I cry for me. I cry for my mom. I cry for the whole world. I don't even bother to smother the noise being emitted from my gurgling sobs because if someone hasn't heard them by now they're death.
Pathetic. I'm pathetic.
How many seventeen year olds would kill to have a place of their own for even one night? Every single one, and I've got the opportunity to have my own place shared with just one other person for a whole year but I don't want it.
There's a tapping noise. I turn over and cover my head with my pillow but...there it is again...and again...
Cut it out my heads already banging.
It stops and I hear muffled voices. Hoping the tapping will stop now I uncover my head and lay as still as I can be while still racking with sobs.
The door creaks open,then bangs shut. My room mate is here. Great.
She seems adamant to ignore my crying so I ignore her.
Your pathetic Becky... Pathetic. Pathetic. Path-
"Your not pathetic honey",wait was I saying that out loud?,"Everyone has their breaking points".