The Crush
It was years later, and Ryan had been forgiven.Almost every night, I would cry myself to sleep. I hated my image, I hated what other people thought, I was just done. Not suicidal. Not even close. But tired of drama and judgement.
I had straight, shoulder length brown hair and dark brown eyes. I had an upturned nose, full lips and a chin that stuck out a bit. My cheeks were round, and I had dark, thick eyebrows that I absolutely hated. My body was curvy. I hated it. My thighs were too big, my calves were too big, my arms were too flabby, and my stomach wasn't flat.
I was fat. I was ugly. I was maturing faster than the other kids in my class, which meant I had to deal with a ton of new things alone with no help. My parents wouldn't let me do things that other kids were doing.
But I started to get a crush. And I hated myself for it.
We texted a lot, almost every night. But then he met Jennifer.
Jennifer went to a different school. He met her at a basketball game, and they traded numbers. He liked her, she liked him. And I was the only other person who went to our school that knew Jennifer.
But he still talked to me.
Science class. We went on a nature walk, and I was cold because I didn't have a jacket. He heard that I was cold, he offered me his jacket. But it was too late, we were already back inside.
Choir. A couple of kids were teasing him for sitting next to me. He quickly leaned his head on my shoulder, pulling back almost instantly. I thought it was a joke, but I wished it wasn't
Track practice. We were running, and I forgot my water bottle. He heard me asking one of my friends for water, and he offered me his. I said thanks, but I was too scared.
And now I cry every night. He used to love me! How could I be such an idiot to turn him down and then fall for him?
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