Why?

The Beginning

        Last year, I was strong. This year, not so much.
        Once upon a time, I was just 3. I met a friend at a daycare I went to. His name was Ryan. We were best friends as little kids. We grew up going to the same school. In preschool, it didn't matter. Everyone was the same, boys played with girls. No one judged anybody else. I went to school in bright green stripes and purple polka dots.
        We grew up some more. I was self conscious. All of the girls in my class were smaller, thinner than me. So I dressed down. I cut my hair shorter than chin length. I dressed in boy's jeans and loose fitting shorts. I hid my hair in baseball caps. I played baseball and played rough with the guys. My whole goal was to make people think I was a guy.  
        I had a small group of friends, but the popular kids dominated the classroom.
        Ryan was the most popular boy in our class. He had a guy best friend, Kyle, and they both had 'girlfriends' or as much as you can in middle school. Ryan and I weren't very good friends anymore.
        But he was cute. I started to get a small crush on him, along with 3/4 of the rest of my class. But I didn't want to. I thought to myself, "How would it look, if the tomboy of the class had a crush on the most popular boy along with all of the other girly-girls? NOT good."
        So I didn't tell anyone. Except, except for the one person I trusted. My best friend Lucy. Which would turn out to be a mistake.