The Struggle For Love

Chapter 4

*Stacie's POV*
        I’m in shock. Why would Alex ask me if I wanted to come over to his house? It doesn’t make sense. Why would he ask shy, quiet me? I’m not like other girls. What guy would ever ask me to come over? I’m not beautiful like other girls. Geez, Stacie. You’re thinking too much into this. Maybe he just wants to be friends. That has to be it. He only wants to be friends with you. Don’t think anymore of it. There’s no need to get so worked up. But why would he even want to be friends with you? You guys did have a good conversation in History. Maybe you left a mark on him? Maybe he thinks you’re a good person to have as a friend through that? Whatever the reason, you need to stop acting so strange. You don’t want him to think you’re weird, do you? I can’t believe you said all those personal things to him. Those are personal, key word “personal”. Why would you tell him all that? You don’t open up to anyone else like that, not even Marissa. Why would you to him? Get it together, Stacie.
        Marissa is probably happy she’ll get to see Nick. She seems like she’s starting to like him. Not like as a friend, but as something more. I envy her. She has guys waiting at her beck and call, while I have no one. There aren’t any guys who would want to date me. They all would rather have someone who is skinnier, more beautiful, and isn’t so screwed up. I mean who would want a girlfriend who thinks so poorly of herself? No boy does. What boy would want a girl who has to take care of her younger siblings constantly? No one. Who would want to date someone who has no social life? Nobody.
~
        “Hey, Stace,” I hear Marissa say. I turn around to see a smiling Marissa before me.
        “Hey, Marissa.” I say almost whispering. I didn’t even mean for it to come out as a whisper. I guess I just have too much on my mind.
        “Ready to go to Alex’s?” she asks excited.
        “I guess…”
        “Hey, cheer up. Don’t you want to hang out with him? I mean I thought you would have. You always get so happy whenever you’re around him lately.”
        “I don’t know…”
        “Did I make a mistake when I told him yes? Should I have said no? I just thought…” Marissa says starting to panic.
        “It’s okay, Marissa. I’m fine. I don’t care that you said yes,” I say hoping to calm her down. It’s a huge lie. I do care that she said yes. I panic around guys. I’m not as smooth as her.
        “Oh, good. I would have let you say yes, but you were like a statue. You wouldn’t even move a smidge. I saw the look on Alex’s face, and I just had to do something. I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression. I didn’t want you to regret it later. I mean…” she says starting to panic again.
        “It’s okay, Marissa. Really, it’s okay. Thanks, I know you had my best interest at heart.” Lies! It’s all lies! Tell the truth for once, Stacie!
        “Good, now can I ask you a question?” Oh, no. How much I hate that question. I nod nervously. “Um, why did you start to panic when he asked you? I mean you looked so shaken up. You don’t have to answer me, if you don’t want to.” I gulp. I knew it would be a terrible question. Tell the truth, Stacie. You can’t lie to her forever.
        “I-I don’t know. I’m just not used to boys paying attention to me like they do you. Boys love you, Marissa, but I’m nothing to them. They don’t look twice at me. With you, they look several times. In fact, they stare at you and drool. The only time boys ever look at me is when I’m with you. I can’t believe I have such a beautiful friend like you. I don’t deserve to have you as a friend. You know I’ve never had a boyfriend? Considering that, I’m not used to when boys ask me to hang out with them. It doesn’t make sense to me. I’m not as beautiful as you or any other girl. I’m just ugly me,” I say truthfully for once as I stare into her caramel eyes.
        “I’ve never heard you talk like that before,” Marissa says wide-eyed. I shrug as I look away from her and start swimming towards the school entrance. It’s a good thing school is over. “Stacie, you are beautiful. I’m sorry I have said so many mean things to you. I didn’t mean any of them. I just can’t help myself when I get angry, but that’s no excuse. Stacie, I can’t believe I have such a beautiful and awesome friend like you. I don’t deserve you. Are you sure guys are staring at me and not you? Who knows? They could be looking at both of us. Boys are blind if they’ve never asked you out. I get you don’t know how to react when they ask you to hang out, but I think I can help you with that.”
        “Huh? How?” I ask surprised.
        “Can you answer a question honestly for me?” she asks raising an eyebrow. I nod my head in response. “Do you like Alex?” Instantly, I feel my cheeks blush.
        “I don’t know. I think he’s cute and so far, I like his personality…”
        “I’ll take that as a yes. Whenever you get nervous tonight, just look over at me. All you’ll have to do is remember I’m there, and I won’t leave you unless you tell me to. You’ll have a friend there to help you through this. If you feel like you’re going to panic, count to ten slowly in your head. Remember that you like him, and you can’t let him go. If he likes you like I think he does, he’ll wait for you.”
        “But-”
        “No, buts. You can do this, Stacie. Now, we’re going to go talk to Nick and Alex about tonight, and then we can go get your siblings. Okay?” I nod. “Say it.”
        “Okay,” I say stuttering a little. I hate when I stutter because I’m nervous. Marissa places a hand on my shoulder.
        “You’ll do fine,” she says reassuringly.
        We gaze around looking for the boys. “I can do this,” I repeat in my head. Tonight isn’t going to be that bad. I’ll have Marissa to help me. She’ll help me through it all if I get nervous and start to panic. All I need to do is try to have fun. Everything should come smoothly after that.
        I love Marissa. She is the one person I can count on. She knows how to calm me down and get my mind off of things. Marissa is a great friend. I’m so lucky to have her. I wouldn’t want anyone else as a friend. I’m glad I met her when I was four. I’m glad she stuck by me and all my crap through thick and thin.
        “Looking for us?” I hear a guy say. We turn around to see a smirking Nick and a nervous looking Alex next to him. Why is he nervous? He’s the one that asked me, and of course, Nick would be smirking.
        “Well, duh,” Marissa says smirking back.
        “Ready to know what to do?” Nick asks. I nod nervously.
        “Yeah. So, where do you live Alex?” Marissa asks him. He opens his mouth, but Nick quickly interrupts him.
        “We were thinking I could meet you guys somewhere, and we could swim to his house together. You know, so you don’t get lost?” Nick says.
        “Oh, okay. Where do want to meet?” Marissa asks.
        “Where do you two want to meet? I’m fine with wherever. It really doesn’t matter,” Nick says nicely. Wow, he’s really being sweet and all. I wonder why.
        “How about right here in front of the school? Is that fine?” Marissa asks. I’m glad it’s only Marissa and Nick talking. I would probably crack or choke if I had to speak. Marissa probably realizes this since she’s doing all the talking. But why is Nick talking? Why won’t he allow Alex to talk? Every time Alex opens his mouth, Nick interrupts him.
        “Sure, that’s cool with me.”
        “Okay, we have to go now. We haven’t asked our parents if we can go, yet.”
        “Oh, okay. Meet you here around five, then?”
        “We’ll be here,” Marissa says as we start swimming away. I can see Nick smiling as we do so, but Alex looks worried. He looks as if he is shaking a little. “Wave,” Marissa whispers.
        “What?” I ask confused.
        “Wave to them, and don’t forget to smile. Trust me,” she says as she begins waving their way. I decide to wave towards them, too. Nick sees us and waves, while Alex stares at us stunned. Nick notices and nudges him. He whispers something to Alex making Alex realize he isn’t moving. Suddenly, he begins to wave, too.
        “See you at five girls!” Nick screams loud enough for us to hear. We turn around and start heading to my place.
        “Now, lets go ask our parents!” Marissa says excitedly.