Voldy Is Moldy

Splat Says The Spaghetti

It was a cloudy morning. Harry sat on a bench with Ron and Hermione, eating ice cream and talking about Horcruxes.
"I'm hungry." said Ron.
"For what?" asked Harry.
"For a Horcrux." answered Ron.
"You can't EAT a Horcrux." Harry snorted.
"Says who?" asked Ron.
"Common sense." replied Harry.
"Common sense doesn't know anything." Ron said. "Besides, it's not alive so it couldn't talk."
"Where have you been?" asked Hermione.
"Right here." said Harry.
"No, I was talking to Ron." Hermione said.
"Well, excuse me." Harry said.
"You didn't sneeze." said a voice.
"You don't have to just sneeze to say 'excuse me'." said Ron. "You can burp or cough or whatever."
SPLAT! Ron fell onto the curb.
"What the-" Harry said.
SPLAT! Harry flew into the street.
"........." said Hermione.
SPLAT! Hermione fell sideways on the bench.
"I didn't even say anything!" she yelled.
Then a large bucket of... something came gushing from behind the bench, washing away some of the spaghetti, meatballs and tomato sauce off of the three.
"What's happening?" Ron mumbled into the cement.
"I AM HAPPENING!" yelled someone. A caped something jumped out and stood triumphantly on the sidewalk.
"Snape?!" Harry exclaimed.
"No, I am THE MUSTACHED ALCHEMIST!!!!" Snape said heroically. "And you've lost Gryffindor 1,000,000,000 points for asking."
"I didn't ask." Harry said. "And you can't take that many points."
"Says who?" Snape inquired, leaning towards him. "Says my mustache, that's who." And he proceeded to run away down the street, his cape billowing out behind him, his large mustache gleaming with un-washedness.