Why I Do Not Like Cats

Cats Don't Care.

If I died, and I had a cat, yes, the cat would mourn. Guess why? They want food. Not you. Food. Those squeaky cries. Not you. Food.
I have my cat with me and die in car accident. Cat grabs steak out of trunk and eats it next to my dead body. Drinks my blood and licks lips.
You go on vacation. Cat is mad. Cat wants food. Cat tears up all of your furniture. You don't punish cat like you punish dog because for some reason people hit their dogs, but not the cats! OH MY GOD. It's not that cute! I'll kick it for you!
Cat scratches baby. Baby cries. Cat rolls eyes and walks away. Mother cries. Cat shit$ on floor. Hisses.