anoreixia nervosa - feel like giving up

hey,
im 19 and i feel like my whole life has been taken over by anorexia.
everytime i look back at something ive done, it always has part of anorexia in it
for example, when i was about 8 years old, i was in my lesson at school and i just felt so big compared to everyone else (looking back at photos i was one of the smallest).
in comprehensive school, i can remember taking my whole dinner break just to eat somethng little because i was so worried about it. but must of the time i didnt eat anything, so i can just remember having friends/ teachers trying to persuade me to eat, it never usually worked
and even at my past jobs! i can remember secretly doing sit ups and star jumps whilst working ... my last job was in an arcade and golf, so when i was in the golf hut... i used to do it then when there was just me in there.

i just feel like ive wasted most of my life to this, and i just cant seem to recover ive been trying to recover on my own for all this long, and it does work for a space of time... but as soon as i can notice the weight gain or when something stressful happens in my life i just relapse completely and i find it so difficult to gain control of my eating again.
its like an ongoing battle with myself and i just feel that if my whole life is going to be like this... its pointless with me being her.

what shall i do?
please dont say go to my GP because im currently a student nurse and i dont want this to be on my health records as it could jepodise my place on this course
please help

Be the first to add this question to starred list!
▼Scroll down for more questions

Answers (8)

vote up or down the answers
1
Nobody.07
Try this: everytime you think about something bad about your figure, find a piece of paper and write down something you did good that day, what you like about your personality, or the last compliment some one gave you then don't do whatever you were about to do
on October 01, 2012
Report
0
mikus_chibi_neko
I currently have anorexia, trust me whenever I have lunch at school I throw it out and no one knows about it.you can't fight anorexia alone, you need someone to help you.
on February 05
Report
0
Nightcat
I know you think you're not beautiful compared to all the supermodels and adverts you see everywhere, but to tell the truth, most of them are fake. In real life, no one has a perfect figure with no fat or anything and flawless skin. It's just photoshop. You are perfect just the way you are (the way you aaaaarrrrrreee sorry )
on May 31, 2014
Report
0
Homestucker
I am anorexic too. And I'm thirteen years old. And I know that probably makes you like.. "Seriously? Does this kid even know what it is?" But yeah, I do. And It's not easy. But I know that every girl is beautiful. I don't care what anyone thinks about my opinion. I don't know you. I don't know what you think, or what you say, or even what you believe, but I do know that we're struggling with the same thing. Try to keep your head up, and every time you think of purging, snap See More▼
on August 25, 2013
Report
0
molly1
Always remember: You are beautiful. You are NOT fat. You don't have to obsess over food. You are in control, not your body or anyone else. Please, see a therapist and I promise you the pain will go away. Don't fuss over a little weight gain. Your body is just redistributing itself to recover from the anorexia. Eat to stay strong, healthy, and happy. Let go of your worries please! Just remember: you are in control of your body, your body is not in control of you. See a therapist, See More▼
on June 26, 2013
Report
0
Mary5050
:/ Don't think your are fat. I hate how beautiful people think their fat and fat people go around showing off their muffin tops in clothes waaaay too small for them.
You are perfect.
on May 07, 2013
Report
0
Little.Blue
Well, firstly, you need to stop living in the past, try to forget what happened and move on, However, you still need to get this fixed. I can totally understand why you don't want to see a GP, and i would feel the same, so I'm not going to tell you to do that. What i will tell you, is this is all about looks right?? You wanted to be pretty so you stopped eating properly, I suggest that you write a list of good positive things that you like about your body, and put or stick it See More▼
on October 01, 2012
Report
0
Nobody.07
...You shouldn't freak out if you get a little weight gain. It's probably actually muscle gain if you are doing situps all over... Hope you get better, just remember the past is there forever, might as well not worry about it now
on October 01, 2012
Report