My_Life_is_Crap

Ok so Brooklyn went behind my back and told Jasmine about this account actually along time ago and I saw a lot of her conversations with many people and Jasmines too. I'm extremely depressed now. I guess I really am the most horrible person and I am just an annoying f_ck that shouldn't live. I guess I successfully ruined every bodies lives and I really don't deserve anything. imma just kms. bye

No friend life again because my friends have once again left me. I'm done with friends and girlfriends. I don't deserve anything because I guess I'm just a horrible person

So I've discovered that I can't do that because if I show just how scared I am it tends to get worse quicker rather than when i'm hiding it so I guess I'll just be cool.

I wish I could tell people that I have a completely f_cked up life. I wish people would understand. I wish people would help me. I wish people would really care for me. I wish I didn't have the life I had. I wish I hadn't gone through all this stuff. I wish I didn't have to be scared of everything. I wish I could just be alive. I wish I didn't hurt all the time. I wish she'd come back. I wish I could've understood more stuff. I wish someone would help me understand stuff. I wish See More▼ I had a real childhood so that I could understand stuff. I wish a lot of things and I could keep going all day about how I wish I was loved, cared about, understood, and helped, but it doesn't change anything.

I am sorry

I'm only gonna talk when I am prompted for a response.
I am gonna try to not annoy anybody.
I am gonna try to leave people alone.
I am gonna try to stay away from as many people as I can.
I am going to hide.
I am going to show everyone just how terrified I am 24/7

So I guess I'm gonna go ahead and show everyone who I am. I am scared of everything and everyone for every reason.

Should I just try to keep all away? Should I unblock my only "friend" and act like I'm fine? Should I let it all out and unblock her? Should I hide it and unblock her? How much longer can I just hide in fear? What's happened to me? I love her and I will stay by her side even if she won't stand by my side. I will always be hers and I will always be there for her if she needs me and I will always love and protect her even if she won't do any of that for me, that's how much I love See More▼ her. After everything that's happened I will still stand be side her. I would help her with any situation and every dissension and I would support everyone of them as well if she needed it. I love her and I wish her only the happiest life.

I don't know what to do. If I tell anyone about this then it draws attention and I don't like attention and it will start a lot of crap and can't handle anymore shit. I don't even want help. I want as minimal people knowing about this as possible.

I have lost all my trust. She said she wouldn't leave me. She said she cared. She said she loved me. Why do I have to be the one. I was always the punching bag and I let people do that, but they didn't know how much it's done to me after everything I've been trough.

The only reason that I haven't kms is because I don't want anyone to feel like they are to blame and I don't want to hurt anyone

thank you to everyone for the good things they've done for me and the experience

I hate people worrying about me
I hate attention
I hate lies
I hate tricks
I hate broken promises
I hate being pitied
I hate people in general See More▼
I hate myself
I'm gonna block everyone and live my scared life lone with no friends

I needed her, she kept me sane. When I was with her everything went away like in my profile picture.

My worst fear is myself. I mean look at everything that's happened to me. I don't want to become a killer or something, but sadly I know that that side exists and I will keep it back. I don't want to hurt anyone, but what if I do. She was the only person who knew that I was gonna kill myself at the age twenty, but she doesn't know the reason. It's because I don't think it's safe for others and now I'm starting to think I'll need to do it early. I will at least know when it's time See More▼ so that I don't hurt anyone.

I couldn't even imagine what it looks like inside my head XD OH YEAH I do know. It's more terrifying than your worst nightmare and if you saw inside my head you'd probably go insane.

I'm literally insane

so just as quick wrap up here. I've been trough a lot and I'm only 15 so uh yeah f_ck off

I'm so f_cked up that the joker feels bad for me
I also HATE being pitied

oh and theres a lot more to that
like my dad also pretended to drown me and was pretty realistic and so I also have a fear of swimming