My_Life_is_Crap - Page 2

Let's go through my life real quick for the beginning
I was beaten and abused verbally and physically and I had no friends at one point my life was threatened
My dad put an eight inch kitchen knife up to m neck
then I get some "friends" and they all hated me and at this time I'm still being abused by my dad
then I get some real friends and shortly after they kts
this whole time is before the age of ten and I had no parental guidance while my dad would tell me to call my mom terrible See More▼ things like pig f_cker and whore and I would while not knowing it was bad. He taught me what sex was when I was six. he would also choke me out till I would almost pass out
Then I get my first real friend and he left me too
then I get Jasmine and she..she changed everything
she was there for me and it was so nice and that all got taken from me
I've literally lost everything and see everything
I've watched people be beaten till they die
so yeah I want to be left alone
no f_cking wonder I'm a little f_cked up
No wonder I'm scared of everything.
please stay away

pros and cons about me
pros:
......
cons:
mentally unstable
suicidal
annoying See More▼
Extremely ugly
Socially awkward
everything else you can think of too

Do you know who I am?
I’m so afraid you’ll never understand
There’s a part of me still lost out there
And I just want to know
Yeah, I just want to know
Am I becoming a hologram?
Now I think I’m worried that I’m in too deep See More▼
Like a phantom that you’ll never see
So I just want to know
Yeah I just want to know
Am I a part of the hologram?

confession time
I'm ugly
I'm depressed 24/7
I'm annoying
I'm worthless
I'm pathetic
I don't deserve her or anyone See More▼
I wish people would leave me alone so I don't have to ruin anyone else's lives
I had no friends growing up so I got extremely good at solitaire
I wish people would forget I exist so that I don't have to anymore
I had a f_cked up childhood and I've been hiding my true self and letting it slowly come out, but people HATE it so I don't know what to do anymore after everything. I want to let it all out, but I guess I can't.
No one ever stays by my side and I keep losing people, I lost two friends from suicide and I trusted a few people to know more about me than most people and one I loved more than anything in the world and now she hates me and again it's all my fault.
I don't want to talk to anybody anymore and I don't want anyone getting close to me, I just want to go back to being lonely playing solitaire
I lost everything

I guess this isn't really a confession

I texted her today begging for forgiveness like she's my god and she didn't care. I'm trying to let go, but I can't

At least I know she's happier without me. I can at least have a little joy knowing that something I did took stress off of her shoulders and made her a little happier in life, it just hurts knowing that it took me leaving to do that. I want her happy and that is all. I've done my job

It's true she doesn't care about me and wants me to leave. She hates me after all I did for her. Why was I treated like this. I leave and she doesn't care, but brooklyn leaves and she's all sad and it's even more sad when brookyn takes my side

I don't wanna watch her go, I care about her too much, but this is what she wants and I must respect that. I care about her so much and I hope she knows that.

She didn't even fight back she just let us go

I really do love her, but it was clear she didn't love me by the way she treated me so I had to go. I didn't want to be shady though and not tell her why. I'm gonna miss her and it's gonna be hard to live without her, but this is what she wants. She didn't care about me and made feel like I wasn't worth anyone's time. Why did she have to do this to me. All I ever did was try, but she only hated it. I guess she hates me. She doesn't care that I left and that's what makes all this See More▼ even worse and on top of that she never tried.

I've been getting scared way to easily. I'm having panic attacks and I've been hyperventilating. I've been having nightmares about losing her and not getting much sleep because of it. I'm seriously falling apart. Ok so she thinks someone will care about me like she did and says that I just have to open my eyes and that there's way better people than her, but like trust me I f_cking did that's why she was the only one who f_cking cared because literally no one did or does. I feel See More▼ so alone and unwanted without her. It hurts so much to not be with her.

that quote has more meaning in my life than ever

sometimes the only reason why you can't let go of what's making you sad is because it was the only thing making you happy.

I lost everything and it's all my selfish fault. I didn't realize what I had till it walked away. My life truly is crap.

its over. its done for. i was right. she did it

ok so I need to man up and the guy she wants because that's my job I don't care about anyone else, but her. I will try my hardest for her.

I think she's gonna break up with me

either I'm slow at typing or i put way to much thought into that because that took like half an hour to type

There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do for her. She thinks I'm only with her because I gave her an object that means a lot to me and I promised to never leave her (I NEVER break promises. I do find loop holes and sometimes I forget about them, but only the ones that aren't as meaningful). She at least knows I try for her, but I don't think she knows how much. What most people don't notice or see is that she treats me like I'm the worst person ever and it makes me feel hated See More▼ and unwanted. They don't see this because she claims that she treats everyone like this and how could that be real if I look at the way she treats everyone else and think "I wish she'd treat me like that". I do get jealous, we all do, but just like most people I just don't show it or take it out on people. Sometimes it goes on for to long and you can't just hold it in and you gotta express your self to someone, that someone is Brooklyn. she's helped me through rough times and I always tell her that there is nothing she can do to make me happy or help and i'm not lying but its also not completely true. You see i call her because it calms me down and she helps me look at things positively. She doesn't help the situation nor make me happy but it is calming to talk to her about things because Jasmine never tells me what I did/do wrong so I have to ask her and she asks her and she reports back to me and it does calm me down. Lately she's been trying to persuade me to break up with her, but i won't do it. I love her way to much and I know that if I leave her it will hurt her because she's gone through a lot with previous relationships and I don't want her to go through those things again, I never try/tried to hurt her. I do know that I am the only one to ever truly care about her. No one else took her on dates, meant it when they said "I love you", bought her ANYTHING, or ever really made an effort her her. LOL she's really making me make an effort for her. I love her and I don't wanna hurt her. I only want whats best her her and she wants. If she wants to leave me then that's fine if makes her happier. I want her to be the happiest person ever. Back when she was with her previous relationship I never tried to get her to break up with the other person so I could be with her, no instead I wanted her to be happy and who she was with made her happy so I tried to help her. You see I don't care if I have to die to make her happy I just want her to be happy.