Its Fun to Die on The Oregon Trail!

uGH

Just a week into the journey and it was already terrible
My hands were blistered and raw from gripping the tight leather reins. The cold air nipped at my exposed cheeks. I was starving; Rats had raided our food supply, leaving us to limit our portion sizes down to nearly nothing.  
Next to me, I can hear Nick moaning about the snake still attached to his leg. He’d accidentally stepped on a pile of dead leaves and was stricken by a rattle snake. Now he was in a horrifying state. Flushed skin, salivating, screaming out in pleasure.
How convenient, the snake bite victim also having a biting kink?
Next to him sat Holly. Her golden blonde hair was becoming frizzy and unkept, and had lost its once gorgeous lustre. She looked exhausted, and was also clearly on the verge of punching Nick in the face.
To my right, was the blonde, pale Nia, currently leaning over the edge of the wagon, dry heaving, as he’d been doing for hours. Fuc k ing dysentery, man— Does shit to you. He pulls himself back inside the wagon and curls up, hugging himself in attempt to ride out the pain.
And next to him—
Where the fuc k—
“God damn it!” I hear Holly snap.  
“Did we lose Michael again?”
“Great, now we get to spend another four days searching for his bitch ass.”
A loud moan of yES DADDY!~” echoes through the wagon, and at around the same time, Nia retches over the side of the wagon yet again. This is kind of getting old. I’m tempted to shove him out.
“Nick just jizzed his trousers again,  can we kick him off?”
“Yeah. Also, can we dump him off too?” I ask, gesturing to Nia.
“This is literally the seventeenth time he’s yakked in the last hour.”
“Why are you keeping track?”
“How do you know Nick jizzed himself?”
“We should probably find Mich—“
“i gOT A RABBIT.”
My stomach growls loudly at the mention of savoury, delicious rabbit meat. I look over my shoulder to see Michael, running, red in the face, a plump hare in hand.
“I swear to god, Michael, I was this close to eating Holly.”
“Hey! We should eat Nia instead. Survival of the fittest.”
“He’s got no nutrients. And Nick’s...doing that. Arousal makes them chewy.”  
“Lets Eat Michael? And don’t go showering the author with that ‘Commas save lives’ bullshit. That wasn’t a typo, bitch, we’re eating Michael.”
“I thought we were eating the rabbit!!”
“Rabbit’s not enough for all five of us.”
“Nick’s too horny to eat and Nia’s practically puked up his whole digestive system.  We’re feeding three.”
“That works.”