diary of an incel kid

i read a story on here by Jordan5 that made me laugh so hard, my mouth grew almost as wide as my whorey asshole. but sadly he didnt finish it :(( i have started this project to continue off of what he wrote in the same style. no one shall fall over this story cliff any longer. mwah. (also if you cant tell this is 100% sarcasm and does not reflect me in the slightest. it takes a certain type of humor and by the second paragraph, ill believe youll understand what i mean by that? tw if incels offend you? please dont hate me. you dont have to find this funny though and can leave a review about why its not funny. i appreciate that but i dont want anyone to think i unironically act like this irl)

published on December 28, 201913 reads 13 readers 0 not completed

honk

To start off this essay, or "diary page" as it were, I will talk about the the recent attack the socially acceptable femorrhoids of my school choreographed against me. Originally I actually believed the femorrhoids didn't have cruel intentions despite their lenient and often promiscuous fashion choices such as leather pants and hot pink belts on jean skirts, not to mention the glittery vomit that is "Justice" clothing.

One of the girls, who I thought was the most casual and sane of the femtard possé, began the whole group's malephobic crusade just last week. It wore a V-neck with a deep cut that day, but I kept my more "exotic parts" tame. Then came Gym, which included the girl and I, and 2 of the 7 other femorrhoids. (Just some background info, I am the top of my class. Gym is where I excel. Not an exaggeration, I've had straight A's nearly every year since pre-K.)

The colour scheme of its outfit was purposely the colors of the far left wing group, Bisexuals. I put it off at first, because of the rare scenario this choice was not meant to opress christianity but it just thought the colours looked nice without processing their implications. If it just picked those colours coincidentally, I wouldn't have been as pissed about that day. The first sign I got that the femorrhoid knew what it was doing was when it made a flirtacious comment to my best bud.

As we were walking laps in Gym, it would giggle after every word he said, obviously trying to trap him into marriage. A common trait amongst Bisexuals is desperation. This is why members of the Bisexual gang have chosen to hit on both men and women non-stop as a lifestyle. I easily concluded this was a bisex and I even asked to be sure.

The femorrhoid chirpily replied "yes." I held back my groan and admired my wit as we turned the corner

"Ehem, sierra lima uniform tango," I coughed into my arm about the girl, unable to hold it back. (Comment if you know what I meant)

I swear the skrunktress batted its eyelashes a thousand times, not sure what i said. It probably wasnt because i was coughing either. I have a habit of using the navy seal alphabet to spell out my words, even when talking to my friends. They always get so flabbergasted by it. Actually its face gave me a little chuckle.

It instantly made the bisex seem less intimidating when I knew it couldnt even speak the navy seal alphabet.

And then the scene that played out infront of me was as cursed as the devil. Its hand fell upon my best bud's shoulder. I cringed and looked away. If only I could scream "She's a succubus, look out!" to save him without garnering the attention of the female gym teacher nearby.

"im having a holiday party. wanna come?" She said while handing him an origami crane note. Effing K-pop stan.

I had to cough out the phlegm that just grew in my mouth from her.

"What day *is* your *C H R I S T M A S* party?" I asked very annoyed.

The femorrhoid curled her hands over her chest as if recognizing the malice in my voice. "The 19th?"

"Was that a question?"

"No?"

*'Oh jesus christ,'* I thought to myself, putting it all together.

"SO YOURE MAKING UP SOME STORY ABOUT A HOLIDAY PARTY TO PRETEND YOURE LESS OF A WHORE THAN YOU REALLY ARE, HANDING MY BEST FRIEND A NOTE THAT SAYS "SKSKSKS LETS F TONIGHT IN MY PEDOPHILE BOYFRIEND'S CAR? ILL EFFING DESTROY YOU, LIBERAL"

She choked in feminist self defense.

part 2 coming soon
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