A Snip-It of My Life

Trigger Warning

Friend: What's wrong?
Me: Nothing. *sighs*
Friend: What is it?
Me: Nothing.
friend: What?
Me: I think I'm kinda, well, y'know.....depressed.
Friend: The best thing to do is hang out with me. A millisecond long smile is better than no smile at all :)
Me: *Looks down* Thanks.
Friend: Jill....
Me: *tears up* Yeah?
Friend: What's wrong? *looks me in the eye*
Me: I-I'm holding back a rant.
Friend: Do it. I'm strong.
Me: I can't.
Friend: You can.
Me: It'll ruin our friendship.
Friend: DO IT!
Me: ....

---Later that day----

Friend: What'cha thinkin' 'bout?
Me: Death. *covers mouth*
Friend: I'm calling 1-800-SUICIDE and I will put you on suicide watch if you even think about it, da*n you.
Me: The thought of death makes me cringe. I mean, nobody really knows what is after it. I've had a plan and everything. I just want to be brave for once in my freaking life.
Friend: Oh my God. No. You even pull that stunt, I'll put you on suicide watch for life. Stop it, you have nothing to be depressed for.
Me: You have no clue what goes down at my house. *starts crying softly* I have so much anxiety that I can't stay still. I only get around four or five hours of sleep. I have freaking insomnia! My mom broke her heels and has fractures in her back and I, being the oldest child, have to take a GIANT step up. All my friends have friends of the opposite sex who like them. The fact that "someone" keeps reminding me of that makes it worse....My crush won't call me and I heard from his mom that he already has a girlfriend.
Friend: Alright. Fine. But I'm asking your mom for your therapist's number and calling to put you on suicide watch. *cries*
Me: ....... *cries*
friend: I've already lost three friends to suicide. *chokes on a cry* I don't need another lost.....
Me: O-oh.....If I had known......I wouldn't have told you.....

----Later the same day on email----

Me: I'm sorry.....I fear that I just lost another friend due to my stupid bipolar depression.
Friend: DAMNIT JILL. STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP. STOP STOP!!!!!! IM CRYING IN CLASS AND YOUR GOING TO SUICIDE, FU*K THIS SH*T. IF YOU DIE, I'M GOING WITH YOU, SH*THEAD. I GIVE A DA*N.
Me: You're not the only one crying in class.... *sends this email to my mom and forwards it to friend: I need to go to a hospital... My friend and I had a huge argument and stuff went down.I'm crying in math class and I don't want to deal with this crappy life anymore. *
Friend: I will literally call Suicide Watch. You think I don't care? More than you can ever imagine.
Me: I can't go to a counselor and I can't deal with life. I'm not afraid of death, but I am of life. My family can't afford another shrink and I'm just a waste of food, money and space.
Friend: no no no
Me: I can't concentrate on my homework. I'm going to the counseling office if you want to talk to me face-to-face.
Friend: I'm the one who put you in there, idiot. Now get help. Because obviously I can't.
Me: I'm going home. And P.S. I'm going to be on suicide watch....................again.
Friend: You should be on suicide watch. You need serious help. If I can't be there for you, then suicide watch can. Tell them I said Thank You.
Me: It turns out it's only Family Watch, but I want and need to be put on something to help me. I ... I just fear that I lost my best friend.
Friend: You didn't. You just pissed her off real good. You better not pull a stunt like that again. It happened in Sixth AND Seventh grade. What is wrong with you? Don't you learn to stop thinking about death? Death isnt a good thing. It isnt real. Its a vision that never dies because its already dead.
Me: *sniff*
Friend: Dont you *SNIFF* me. My head hurts, my eyes are dry and my throat is scorched.
Me: same. *sniffs you*
Friend: Are you hurt because your friend wanted to kill herself? Did she worry that someday you might actually pull something? I'm praying for you. You need Jesus.
Me: ......