sorry in advanceDuke was getting bored. He lost track of time a while ago but he knew it's been hours. 'I'll pull over and walk around for a bit', he thought. He stepped out of his Barbie Glam Cruise Convertible™ and looked around. There wasn't much to see, rural Texas is a pretty empty world- but a fancy jewelry store caught his eye. He coolly ducked through the door frame as the bell rang behind him. Duke adjusted his shades until realizing he just walked into an active mass homicide. "oH SHIT," Duke screamed, taking particular notice to the 3 mangled corpses on the ground. "Excuse me mister buff man I'm busy here," a new voice said. Duke looked up from the bloodstained floor to a man in a red suit leaning on the cashier's desk. Jesus Christmas it's a twink. No wait, it's a clown. But what if told you, it's b o t h. The clown twink man causally shot the cashier in the mouth and hopped over the counter. He rummaged through the dead guy's mouth, glancing up and taking notice to Duke's glazed horror. "I collect them- teeth," he said, facing back down. "Oh uh... ok," Duke replied hesitantly. What a surreal experience. I mean sure he'd seen a lot of shit in his day but this is very unexpected.
Duke was confused, he's never gotten intimidated like this before. Not ever since the belt. Luckily belts went extinct years ago. Clown twink man continued to hoard the cashier's teeth until the noise of distant sirens made him bolt onto his feet. "Son of a doggone sausage!!!!" he yelled. Clown twink man violently chucked the corpse to the side and pushed Duke's meaty body out of the door. "Listen here mister buff man, you look like a guy who owns a big fast truck, yeah?" Duke felt his face get hot and his voice stuttered. "O-oh, uh... y-yeah I have a car-."
"Ok good, I need ya to drive me very, very far from here."
Duke nodded in response and led clown twink man to his Barbie Glam Cruise Convertible™. Why was he getting so flustered? He'd known this person for a collective 20 seconds. Not to mention Duke could totally kick his ass if it were necessary. Clown twink man sighed heavily. "I mean... something is better than nothing...," he mumbled. They got into the car and Duke started back on his route. “Anywhere you wanna go in particular?” Duke asked, leaning to his right. “Anywhere that’s far away,” clown twink man mused, making Duke’s face heat up again. “W-well, you’re in luck then.” Duke tried to play it off but he kept getting nervous. Clown twink man cocked his head toward him. “Why’s that?” Duke lowered his shades to prepare for the flex he’s about to pull. “I'm going quite far from here. Not to flex or anything-” which he is, “-but I’m wanted by the IRS for…” Duke gave clown twink man the most intense, sexy glare he could muster. He stared deep in his pale blue eyes and whispered intensely, “Tax fraud…” Clown twink man's eyes widened in pure amazement.
"T-tax fraud! How did you do that!? You look too buff to know what taxes are!!!!!"
"I'm a man of many talents. Particularly illegal ones."
"Wow… I'm impressed."
Clown twink man looked at Duke with unironic infatuation. "Also-" Duke pushed his shades back up, "what's your name?" "Oh uhh… Joker- but you seem cool 'n I'm gonna be in a car with you for a while- so you can call me Arthur. How 'bout you?" Duke cleared his throat to make his voice seem more intense. He had an odd urge to impress Arthur, still very oblivious as to why. "Duke. Duke Nukem," he said sexily. "Ooh very powerful name," Arthur giggled like an anime school girl. Duke smiled wholesomely over Arthur's purity. Hard to believe this is the same guy that murders for a living. Though that is hypocritical, the teeth collecting is still weird. "So where are you heading to?" Arthur asked after a long pause. "On my way to Mexico, figured I'd fight my way through the border."
Duke explained his plan like obtaining two anti-tank rifles, breaking open a steel wall, and fighting off an entire squadron was his regular Thursday; which to some degree it is. Either way, Arthur still gave him a judgemental look that an older sister would give her brother with down syndrome. "Don't underestimate me," Duke glared, taking notice to Arthur's look. Arthur shrugged and instinctively raised his arms in defense. "Ay man no offense. But you're one guy." Duke got a smug look and adjusted is cool gamer shades. "You'll see."
Duke pulled up toward a 7-Eleven by the side of the road. It was already fully dark out by the time they chose to stop. Duke didn't have enough money on him so Arthur made do and traded some teeth in exchange to sleep in the corner of the store. They piled the 400 bags of Fritos no one ever wants into their corner to make it extra comfy. Reruns of Mexican sitcoms played on the TV above the counter, briefly taking their attention while they sat next to one another.
Arguably homosexual events ensued.
Arthur laid comfortably on the hundreds of Frito bags as he mindlessly watched the sitcom in a language he didn't know. Duke couldn't help but think how the dim 20y/o TV lighting made him look cute. With that thought he shoved it back into the corners of his brain and went back to something he truly loves; women. But not the ones that worked for the FDA, y'know, fūck the FDA. And cops. Duke hates cops. As if on on queue Arthur gestures to the TV, which was now showing the average 12am news. "This is why I hate cops, y'know? Talk about society, amiright?" Oh god oh fūck he's done it now.
Duke's instantly got a ragíng boner. Like r a g i n g boner. It's kinda hard to hide when your a buff passionate American made alien killer with a 12in cock. Everyone knew Duke was a horny guy and he was very content with that, but currently he's going through a bit of gay realization right now and the poor guys scared.
"Did you know I once killed this dude on TV. Shit went crazy after that man. All these people started copying me and labeled me as like, some sage leader and we killed a fūck-ton of cops. Shit was rad dude. Everything was on fire and-." Arthur obliviously continued with his rant while Duke suffered in silence. He had no idea Arthur was such a gamer. No silly woman ever came close to Arthur's intellectualism. "Wow bro, nice cock."
Oh fūck oh no oh jeez oh fūck. Duke just pretended to not have heard that, merely through denial out of pure fear. Arthur, however, is a man of persistence. "Bro, I said you got a nice cock." Duke faced slightly toward the side, there was no way in hell he was gonna make eye contact. "Yes Arthur I heard you the first time," Duke sighed, trying to sustain the agony. "Don't worry, I get it. Killing chauvinists gets me rock hard too." Arthur slid over to Duke's side, just barely being able to put his arm around him. Duke's mind shut down by that point, not in a 'about to go batshit way' but in a 'I don't know how to properly react to this situation so I'll just see where it goes' sorta way.
Arthur nudged Duke's American iron rod with his foot, earning him a soft yelp. There's no getting out of this now. Before Duke could properly process things, his smelly cock was already cupped in Arthur's smelly feet. Duke bit his lip desperately, there is no way in Jesus Reginald Christmas he was falling through with this. But daddy got paid a dollar to write this so anything is possible if I say so. Arthur carefully slid his pale clown foots on the sides of Duke's gurk, smugly staring back at him . Tilting his head back, Duke covered his mouth, trying to muffle his gay whimpering in an attempt to cling onto what little dignity he had left. He wasn't one to be on the receiving end but he was too caught up to fight back.
Gazing from the counter, the manager watched. He was a Mexican immigrant of 3 kids and a wife. He didn't come through the boarder illegally, for he was a man of honor despite his desperate circumstances. After years of cheap labor he was finally able to afford getting into America. Years of hard work and agony, but he pulled through for the sake of his kids. To this day he will not stop working, he opened this gas station to fund his kids' education. He is passionate for his family, and is willing to sacrifice anything for them. As far as he was concerned this was a normal Tuesday night. Though he was still upset about the Fritos.
Arthur was being merciless by now. Pumping his feet over Duke's gospel-pipe with the force of a 5'2 nerd that hates his dad. Duke dripped with precum, trying desperately to muffle his moans as best he could because doggone it he's not gay. Arthur could tell Duke was getting close, he's a gamer, he's used to jerking people off. That doesn't make him a generous person however, he wants out of this too. Arthur pulled his now slippery clown feet away from Duke with a look so pretentious it was punchable. "Wha-," Duke faced back up. "Listen bro, if you wanna nut you better work for it. I wanna fair trade." Duke was absolutely not going to argue with that fūck no this was his moment. He took Arthur by his twink hips, flipped him onto the floor of now crushed Fritos and ripped his red pants off so fast the transition is enough to give someone whiplash.
Duke found himself with a new predicament though. Unless he wanted to obliterate Arthur's asshole into blood and dust he needs lube. Then he remembered that time Trisha Paytas used alfredo sauce up her coochie on her only fans and knew what he had to do. He yoinked a conveniently placed jar of alfredo sauce off one of the shelves and smeared it over Arthur's stinky sexy butthole as he flinched in response. Duke slowly slid one of his buff meaty fingers into Arthur's booty hole, getting a feminine whimper in response. Hehehahanhgh what a twink. Duke shoved his star spangled schIong right up the edgy gamer, bumpin' that rump like a jackhammer so dangerous it's banned in 12 states. Somewhere behind the counter, the manager softly wept.
Arthur couldn't comprehend a goddamn thing, all he knew is that his organs were getting obliterated by a big sweaty man. "UwU yes daddy destroy me with your peeny-weeny," he moaned. Duke didn't speak faggot but he assumed he was doing something right. "Damn Arthur are you the Philippines? Cuz ur ass is on fire," Duke slurred like my alcoholic math teacher. The Frito bags were far more than destroyed, the worn gas station tile was beginning to crack under the pure unsustained passionate anal sex. The stinky smell of Arthur's pounded stinker was so strong the crows outside rotted from the inside out. Duke grabbed Arthur's lil gamer peen, causing him to immediately spurt upon impact. He made a weird noise that without proper context you would've thought he was 10 and he was just caught shooting frogs with a BB gun so he got his Xbox taken away. Duke drilled into Arthur a few more times before filling that fragile lil bitch with enough sweet lathery man nectar to refill the Aral sea.
There was a brief pause until Duke finally fell over to his side. Arthur was having a moment. A moment I can't properly describe. Like the last 15 minutes of 2001: A Space Odyssey. God can you believe that movie was made in the 60s. While Arthur was in the middle of watching his life flash before his eyes in a brightly lit white room before eventually becoming a space fetus, Duke smacked him across the face. "Whatsnfuckkk," he mumbled. "You ok man?" Duke had a look of genuine concern. Imagine giving someone brain damage cuz they were gay. "Yeahhhh, man I'm like, so ok right now. Hey do you like Stanley Kubrick?" Duke sighed in relief, briefly closing his eyes in exhaustion. He leaned up to face Arthur, who is now promptly passed out. Duke gave a soft smile, giving Arthur a light kiss on the cheek. "No homo, clown fag."
I was paid to make this like 5 months ago. Anyway I hope y'all hated this.