We need to talk (Revamped)

BOYS.

WARNING: THIS IS DEFINITELY A DIARY POST TYPE THINGY. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, WHY ARE YOU EVEN ON HERE? THIS IS ALSO SLIGHTLY WEIRDLY WRITTEN. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
I said in the intro chapter that I'm afraid of confronting and acknowledging my emotions. But lately, I've been doing that. So I decided to talk about my feelings towards... boys.
If you guys read the old "diary" think I mentioned in the description, you might know that I dated a guy who was older than me. I just want to explain everything that happened in THAT relationship and where I stand now.
We met at the very beginning of June at my neighbor's house. I immediately had a crush on him. (By the way, it's painful to think about him while writing this even though it was I who dumped him and I have absolutely no feelings towards him anymore and our relationship never turned sour.) So, about a week later, he asked me out, he asked my dad, blah blah blah. We never got to see each other. He lived, like, 30 mins away but his aunt would never let him come see me. I was heartbroken. I considered him my first boyfriend and I couldn't even see him.
So, July came around and I went to Florida with my family. I texted him 24/7 and he said he was coming to visit me when I got home. I was soooo excited. I told him endlessly while I was in Florida that I couldn't wait to hug him for the first time, but that didn't happen. I'm an extremely awkward person and that was just...... too awkward.
Anyways, I saw him every once in a while, but then his aunt started lying. She said that he was being a bad kid and doing awful things, so of course I was upset. I asked him what was going on and he kept telling me it was nothing. I thought he was lying, and since I'm super self conscious, I assumed he was cheating on me. I mean, he was in HIGH SCHOOL and I'm in 7th grade. What did I expect?
But he wasn't cheating on me, however, my heart was cheating on him. My best friend has an adorably cute brother. She actually has two because they're triplets, but the one I liked is the best. I'm going to call him Mackles, because that's the ship name one of my standoffish friends made up. By the way, I'm the Mack part and he's the les part.
I had gym with Mackles. When I first started that gym semester, I didn't pay Mackles any attention because my heart solely belonged to my boyfriend at the time. But I started getting to know Mackles and I started really, really liking him.
I felt awful.
I told my two best friends that I have classes with. We're going to call them B & B because they're names start with B. The blonde B told me that I had to break up with my boyfriend because it wasn't fair to like someone else. But I still liked my bf.
Eventually, me and Mackles started flirting the way 7th graders do and I completely stopped liking my bf. But I dated him for a whole month after.
Blonde B told me that is was wrong to like someone I'm not dating and date someone I don't like. So, the night before Halloween, I broke up with him. It felt like some huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and chest and stomach and my ENTIRE BODY. I didn't cry for him anymore. He said "let's still be friends" but I don't like the feeling I get when I'm talking to him. It feels wrong and nasty, even though he was an okay person. We dated for 4 months, almost 5. My first and longest relationship ever. And I don't regret it, believe me, I just regret SOME things. I regret that I let him convince me to tell him that I loved him. I was blinded by the sheer thought that I had found someone who LOVED me, but he didn't. I didn't love him and I know that. I wish I wouldn't have used that word in his presence or around him or to him.
Btw, just sitting here writing this is making me feel really uncomfortable. I try to block out anything that reminds me of him.
So, a month passed, and my friends alllll knew that I liked Mackles; even his sister. She thought is was cute. (Thanks, H!) We're going to call her H. And my other friend is A (NOT FROM PLL.) And then there's P (who is my male bestie and is dating H)
I think even Mackles knew. But we continued our steady stream of only getting each other out in gym and fist bumping at any free chance. I took that as being "bro zoned."
So, one day, I was walking out of the locker room and saw Mackles. I fist bumped him, and he smiled widely. His brother came up behind me and fist bumped me too, but Mackles suddenly turned angry.
"That was our thing!" he said. He looked at his brother.
"You two would be a cute couple," his brother said. He grabbed my wrist and dragged me towards Mackles.
Mackles' face turned bright red, and I just shook my head and ran off.
Then, around November 10th-ish, we started dating. It was weird how it all went about. So, P told me that Mackles was going to ask me out, but I didn't believe it.
He didn't ask me out.
P told me to ask him out. So, I caught him after Spanish.
"Hey," I said. His face turned red.
"Hi," he said.
"Hi." Umm... "Hello.." Why was I being so creepy?
"So, P told you to ask me?" he asked. I nodded. "Let me think, and I'll tell you later." Later happened to be an hour later.
So, we started dating and no one technically asked the other. So now, we've dated for 3 months (which I consider when a "real" relationship starts) almost 4 months. In, like, 3 weeks, it'll have been four months. WOW. Time flies.
We've only progressed to the he-lets-me-borrow-his-hoodie-phase. But I'm find with that. I'm wearing it right now.

OKAY OKAY, I know you folks didn't come to hear this shiz, so I'm going to start posting more rants and stuff. The fun stuff that I LIKE to write. I just felt like putting stuff out there. ALSO: I KNOW I started dating Mackles not even a month after I broke up with my ex. I don't consider that being a slut because a.) A slut is a woman who has many casual sexual partners, and b.) I broke up with my ex BECAUSE I like Mackles. If you consider that to be a slut move, or a whore move, or a prostitute move, or any other nasty word, then I don't care. You can voice your opinions about me, but I KNOW I'm not a slut and I sure as heck don't care what you have to say about me (unless it's positive.)

I love you guys, and congrats, you made it to the end of the literal longest chapter I've ever written of anything in MY LIFE. Good job, homeboi. Nvm, I'm not cool. Okay, I love yew. :3
xx Mack