gullu loves kduu

sick of crying tired of trying..... outside m smiling inside m dying

This may sound a little akward to all….but this is my story….aap sb isse kuch bi naam de skte ho ….Iss baat se koi inkar nikr skta ki life ma sbhi k bhut se crushes hote ha…….mri life ma mere bhut se crushes the pr ek crush ab tk ha jiske baare m Ma kbhi ni bhul skta……to ye kuch iss trh suru hua…..On 26, December 2014 , mene #A…. ko phela msg facebook pe kia……. hum dono same univ ma pdh rhe ha usska trade CSE aur mera trade civil…….pr ek univ ma hote hue bi hmari baat kbhi nai hui….issilia jb mene use phela msg kia tha to mujhe lg ni ra tha ki hmari kbhi baat bi hogi…..pr uss din usska rply aaya…….sb iss baat ko smjh skte ha ki kaisa lgta ha jb jisse aap dil se chahte ho …wo aapko rply kre….actully us tym ye sirf attraction thi…..mujhe bi accha lga …ma bhut khush tha….ab baat ye thi rply to aagya…ab kam ye tha ki usse aap pe bishwass kese dilana……sch bolta mujhe iss sb ka koi experience ni tha…..mene kbhi kisi bhi ldki se baat nai ki……to humne chatting shuru ki…..mene use uske baare ma sb kuch pucha…ki use kya accha lgta,kis baat se use dukh phuchta nd all….sath hi sath ma use apne baare ma bi btata rha…….sb kuch theek chl rat ha….agle din  in 27, December 2014 ko hum baat kr rhe the nd….mene use uska nu mannga…nd ussne de bi dia…phir hum whatsapp pe baat krne lge…..mere mn ma ye tha ki ma use acche se jaan lunga phir….new yr pr use prop kr dunga….pr sb kuch bhut hi jldi ho ra tha ….mene wait tk ni kia new yr aane ka….nd 29, decmber 2014 ko mene use prop mar dia…………prop ma mene audio record kia background ma hlki si tunning thi…… jissma mene uss wo sb bta dia tha ki kese usse mene univ ma phli br dekha…..kese usse ma chup chup k dekhta tha nd all……ye sb ajeeb ha pr….schi mujhe prop marne ka jra bi experience ni tha..Actually mujhe prop marne hi ni aata tha….uss din to usska rply ni aaya….pr nxt day usska msg aya “Kya ha ye sb”……tb mujhe relaise hua ki mujhse bhut bdi bhul hogyi ha………mujhe ye sb nhi krna chahia tha…………mene usse kafi dr tk mnaya…….nd ussne mujhe maaf bi kr dia phir humne decide kia ki hum iss sb k upr kbhi baat nhi krenge…….sb kuch theek chl rat ha….ek mnth ma hmari frndship bhut acchi ho gyi thi …….hume ek dusre k baare ma sb kuch pta tha…….mene apni aur e usse sb kuch bta dia tha …………Wo mujhe jinta jaanti ha utna to mere parents ko bi ni pta tha mere baare ma……mene usse sb sch sch btaya tha usse kbhi juth bi ni kaha……….Bina ruke roj subha sham humne 63 days tk baat ki………Usse bi yhi lgta tha ki mere jaisa frnd usse lyf ma kbhi nai melega…….in ^# days ma hum dono besties bn chuke the……..again 28,February 2015 ko mene usse prop mara…….pr usska rply whi ra……”ussne kaha hume frnds hi rehne do na…….nd jb mujhe lge ga ki frndshp se aage bdhna chahia tb ma khud bta dungi”……usse tym mujhe kafi bura lga …….phir bhi mene usse again srry kaha…..phir humne topic change krdi…….thodi dr tk ussne mere sath aur baat ki ndphir sb kuch lg bg theek hi hogya tha……….nxt day 1st march hum baat kr re the tb ussne btaya ki ussne apni frnd ko btaya mere baare ma….nd usski frnd ne bi usse daaanta ki usse hn kr deni chahia thi……..pr jb ussne ye sb muhe btaya tb bi mene usse yhi kaha ki rhne do wo sb……take your tym……phir raat ko hmari baat hui….mene status rkha tha whatsapp pe(boy nd a girl standing togrther)….. tb usska msg aaya status k lia
Ohh.. status phir mene ussse kaha……waiting …..ussne puccha waiting 4 wt….to mene kaha  Ki mujhe bi koi mile
A:-Ohh... Toh mili koi ???
Me:-Nai....dhundi ni mene aur to.....jo mili wo maan ni ri
A:- Ohh.. kon
Me:- Ha ek......djbdbdb se....!!! Btati bhi ni wo ki akhir chahia kya usse A:-Koi na m bhi djbdbdb se hi hu.. mko bta di m mna dungi
Me:-Nai man ri na wo bdi jidi ha
A:-Ohh 21:47
Me:-Ma ni chahta koi aur usse kuch khe
A:-Ohhkkk
Me:-Smjhna chahia usse ki...wo kya kho ri.....opportunities dobara ni aati A:- Ohh.. hnn….. May be wo smjh gyi ho lkin wo kuch aur soch ri ho
Me:-Itna pta ha mujhe ki usse kafi chahne wale mil jaenge pr
A:-Ohh.. jyda ho ra ye... chahne wale …… ??
Me:-Usse ye bi smjhna chahia....ki mere jaisa usse koi aur ni milega …… Pr ab kr bi kya skta ha....usski mrji....
A:-Ohh..
Mmme:-Agr wo khush ha to ma bi khush 21:52, ?
A:-Ohh gussa
Me:-Nai mujhe ni aara gussa……… Bs kai br bura lg jata
A:-Sry 21:54……Acha
Me:-Dil mera ha nasmjh kitna besbr ye bewkuf bda 21:54
A:- B.tech khtm ho jye.. tb tk toh frnds rh skte h na
Me:-Jaisa aapko theek lge
A:-? …. Kya hua
Me:-Nai kuch ni
A:-…. Tum gussa ho yr ………Ya phir tumhe bura lg ra h
Me :-Bs bura lg ra
A:-Sry yr..
Me:-Nai...koi baat ni ……….Srrry yr.......bura lga ho aapko to
S
O
R
R
Y
A:- Koi bat ni... Sry toh mko blna chahiye
Me:-Nai aap ni bolege mri glti thi ……. Mujhe hi ni krna chahia tha ye sb  A:-Kisi ki bhi nhi
Me:-Sb theek tha ………Mene bigaad dia sb
A:-Yr.. …Sb thk h yr.. ……Kya bigda h
Me:-Nai....topic close....aaj k baad nhi krenge hum isspe baat......frnds ha aur frnds hi rhenge...isse jada aur kuch bi
A:-Ohhkk.. …… Yr
Me:-Kya
A:-Kuch nhi
Me:-Kk
A:-Hmm 22:15
Me:-Look yr......xams aare ab nd mujhe pdhna ha.....so plzz ek favor chahia tha....!!! Mujhe glt mt
A:-Hnn........ Bat nhi krni h ab... xams tk...
Me:-Ab thode din k lia hum baat ni krenge....xams khtm hone do phir baat krunga ma aapse....tb tk k lia mujhe thkda tym chahia...plzzz try to undrstnd
A:-Ohhkk... Koi bat ni
Me:-Byeee....gd nyt
A:-Bye.. gd nyt
1 march,2015 raat ko 10:00 bje ….Ye usski aur se last msg tha… isske baad mene usse rply bhi ni kia…. Mene apna whats app bhi deactivate kr dia …..nd baad ma ptani kyu mujhe bhut buraa feel hua…..es lga k imri glti ki wjh se mene apna bestie kho dia ….jisko mene hmesha sath rehne ka wada kia tha ….wo mri ek glti ki wjh se mene tod dia…. Usske baad ma raat ko 2 ghnte tk roya….mene usse bhul jane ki bhut kosish kip r….shuru se lekr 63 dayz ma hmare beech jo bi baate hui thi wo mujhe yaaad aari thi….hr ek baat k sath meri aanko se aansu bhi aare the……mujhe lga ki sb theek ho jaega pr ma glt tha…..agli subha bhi meri neend jldi khul gyi……aur mujhe yaad aagyi ki mene ye kya kr dia…..ma soch rat ha ki kash ye sb hua hi ni hota….pr ma glt tha……jo kuch hona tha wo ho chukka tha…..subha 8:30 pe ma khana khane gya mess ma ….pr mujhse khana bhi ni khaya gya….phir ma univ k lia nikl gya……univ ma bhi mera mn nil g rat ha ….kai br mn ma ye aara tha ki usse mil k sb sought out kr leta pr…himmat ni ho ri thi…..ussi din lunch tym pe bi mujhse khana khya ni gya….room ma wapis aaya to phir usski yaad aagyi…mri aank se aansu phir aagye….thodi dr room ma rukne k baad ma univ gya….waha bi mera mn nil g rat ha….ma andr se bhut udass tha…..KITNA MUSHKIL HOTA HA…..ANDR KA DRD CHUPANA……YE SIRF MA HI JAANTA HU KI KESE MENE APNE DRD KO FACE PE AANE NI DIA…….phir lgla lec free tha to ma mere frnd k sath reading room ma gya…..waha phir se mene apna phone dekha……mujhse rhaa ni gya aur mene whats app doobara activate kr dia….tb mene dekha….ya to ussne mujhe block kia tha ….ya to mera nu phone se delete kr dia tha..uss tym reading room ma bi ma muh niche kr k roya….waha pr bethe mam ne notice bi kr lia ….pr mene ese react kia ki meriaank ma kuch chla gya ha…………phir mene whats app dobara se deactivate kr dia………….usske baad ma mene block ma khde ho kr niche ki aur dekh rat ha ki kash wo room se bahr aaeaur mujhe usski ek jlk dekhne ko mil jae pr wo bhe nai aai…..shyd ussk 2nd last aur last lec ek hi room ma tha…….phir ma apne lec k lia chla gya
mese raha nhi gya to mene sham ko 9 bje k kreeb usse msg kr dia ki mujhse ni hoga control....usska rply tbi aagya schi meko ni pta tha ussne bi mujhe utna hi miss kia jitna mene usse.....sb kuch theek hogya..... 7th march ko mera bday tha she was first one to wish at that time....isse jada bdi khushi kya hogi ki aapka crush aapko msg kre...sbse phle......uss din hum mile bi ......ma usske lia 3 chcltes lekrgya tha.....and she planned a party 4 me...hum dono aur usski roomie ne milkr bday celebrate kia.....that was happiest momenet of my life ma uss baaat ko kbhi nhi bhul skta...she made my bday special......uss jaisi ladki naseeeb walo ko milti h....phir hrame sessionals lg ge....pr kuch change ni hua ....sessionals k baad hum bot saari baate krnelg ge bot kuch changes bi aae....hum raat ko 3 bje tk baate krte the....univ ma lec ho ya kuch hum koi mauka ni chodte the....ek din hum caafe ma bi mile.....waha humne pasta aur kathi roll khae....waise khani humne honey chilli cauliflower thi pr wo thi ni....kuch dino k baad fest aagya univ ka.....baat hoti rehti thi....fest wale din to hum pura tym sath the....usse jule jhulna bot psnd h to wo baar baar jhule jule ja ri thi.....jb ussne meko bulaya tb mene biusske aur usske frnds k ssath jhule jhule.....i was completely ni love with her....dhere dhere hum close aage......ma usse i love u bolta rehta tha raat ko khooob saare gaane bi sunae...ma singer to ni..pr ussk lia kuch bi kr deta tha...kia br to hum sath mil kr gaa bi dete the....jada tym ni lunga ma...bs ek aur baat it feels so grt jb crush bol de I LOVE U TOO.......to hum roj I love u bi bolte the......ma boldeta tha usse mekoooo bottt saaaara pyaaar h aapse se...aur usska rply ma kese maan lu....phir ma usse mnaaata tha ....10th april ko hum sath chd se ghr ge bus ma.....usss raat ko ma kbhi ni bhul skta.....pta hi ni chla 6 hrs kb beet gye aur ma ghr paunch gya.....pr humne bot saari baate kri....hume to baato baaato ma ye tk pta ni chlaaa ki sath ma jo uncle the to budhe the ki ni....because hume kisi baat ki prwah ni thi....bs itna tha ki hum sath the....
13 april se usse kya hua ma abhi tk smjh ni paya....bot kosissh kri mene baat krne ki jo sb hmaare beech tha usse bchane ki....kyuki mene promise kra tha ma kbhi ni jaane wala chod k...jb tk meko khud ni bologe jaane ko.....I TRIED I CRIED.......meri lyf ka sbse bura tym tha......finallly aaj ek aakhri kosish kri bchaane ki ....mene usski frnd ko kra msg ki A ko kya hua h....wo baat ni kr ri dhng se unhe bi ni pta tha kuch bi.....usska msg aaya meko ki unhe msg kyu kra....mene kisiko kuch ni btaya ha......mene kaha meri aur se ye ek aakhri try tha.....ma haar gya..
Usska lst msg tha.....kuch bi krne ki jrurt ni h ab mera mn ni krta baaat krne ka.......aur mera rply ....ohk bbyee...!!!
aaaj 5th may 2015.....sb khtm hogya.....bot saare spne dekhe the sb tut ge.....ma khud tut chuka hu pura....bot kosish kr raki usse bhul jau pr bhul ni skta ma lyf ma pyaar ek baar hota h aur mera pyaar to tha bi iklota wala.............rona chahta hu....pr ro ni paa ra ...kisse ko btana chahta hu btaa ni pa ra sb dil ma chupa h ek cone ma......sch khehte h log.....jaaane wale chle jate bsss yaaade chod jata....aur un yaado k shaare jina bot mushkil h......aaj meri halat kya h ye ma btaaa bi ni pa raa....bs itna h..kbhi isss sbko pdha aur esa lga ki mese baat krni h to btaaa dena ....ek baaar........isss sb ko ni bhul skta ma aur meri lyf ma koi aur aaane ni wala......ek pe trust kia tha....sb kuch btaya usse pr koi fayda ni....bs itna kehna chahta hu...kisiko bi khud se jada importance mt do dukh apne aap ko hi hota..................
mt smjhna isse ki ye bi h ek kosish.....bs dil ko halka krne ki kosish ki ha....yaado ko shbdo ma byaaa kia h........I MIsss you ssO much....wapis aajao na....peazZZZZ....!!!!!!