Don't let go (1)

Mother

Trapped. My anxiety was eating me up: my mum was all alone in that hospital bed whilst I was here, in an exam hall. It has been 3 years since I have seen my mum smile, 3 years since I have seen my mum feel free. She was trapped in the four grey walls of the hospital room and I wasn't even able to ease her pain. Cancer was strangling her, taking away each and every ounce of life in her, and leaving her in that hospital bed.
I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry for help. I felt like I was caged, barred and I couldn't escape. But... I was left tediously circling answers and distracted by the continuous thought of whether A or B was the correct answer. I knew that my mentor was probably going to lecture me that I am doing wrong or that I am wasting my life. Throughout the repetitive circling of answers, I could hear his voice reaching out to me and saying 'you have so much talent and yet you don't use it.'  
What was a doing?? This shit, this fcking piece of paper was meant to determine my future or what job I will get. I just wanted to go with the flow, just lead my life without having some older idiot telling me what I can or can't do . But something was holding me back. I didn't want to just let my mum down because I  couldn't complete a single paper, I didn't want her to die without knowing that her son did something that made her proud.

3 days later...
I got my test results. I wanted to scrunch up the paper and throw it in the bin but I wanted to know whether my mum would be able to know that her son did something good with his life. This was the moment, this was the time to make my mum smile through her pain.
As I unravelled the paper, I felt proud of myself because I knew that I never gave up even though I knew that I hated this shit. It boggled my brain how all those years of teachers fcking up my head would actually help me pass this. The smell of fresh paper wafted in the air, I got...