Seems like sansmod's message didn't do enough. My turn!

Seems like sansmod's message didn't do enough. My turn!

Welp..I guess it's my turn! Wait, Why am I typing so much? Oh right, The pointless description thing.

published on May 18, 20169 reads 9 readers 0 completed
Alright, listen up.

Alright, listen up.

No I’m not going to use years of scientific learning in the subject of zoology and the amazing varied reproduction strategies of animals to help you with your undertail.

Honestly if you even tried to be biologically accurate with your animal character porn, it’ll start being on the creepy beastiality spectrum and would be extremely disappointing.

Like, imagine Undyne, but swollen and with a distended extremely pregnant stomach, increasing her waist to 2 times its normal size. Instead of our fancy placental mammal three hole females, fish do everything out of one hole, the cloaca, a vent like a backwards facing pocket. She then lays down, and begins to force hundreds of tennis ball size gelatinous eggs all over the bed in your underwater house.

Within 10 minutes she is done. 250 slime coated eggs are clumped up covering the bed, swelling to the size of softballs in the water. She gets up and goes to get something to eat from the fridge, and leaves you to spread your sperm over all the eggs and prevent anyone else from fertilizing them. Imagine having a scuba suit on with no pants, and having to ejaculate enough to reach all 250 softball sized eggs, all while first fighting other guys trying to fertilize your mates eggs or eat them.

That’s how fish like piranhas do the do. It’s not fun.

People ask me about skeletons. humans do not have penis bones. Many other mammals do. It’s called a baculum. Walruses have them, and you know what us humans do? Inuits live where resources are scarce, so when they kill a walrus, they take the penis bone, they ornately carve it, and they use it as a club to beat small animals like baby seals and baby walruses to death for food. I want you to think about that. Imagine someone killing you, eating you, taking the your penis bone, carving it, and using it to beat your children to death, and eating them. They don’t mess around in the far north.

Point is, it ain’t sexy. Stop asking and looking up other animals reproductive parts for your porn or I’ll discuss all the animals with horrible spines and scraping parts on their junk and ruin your fantasies. There are insects that reproduce by stabbing the females in the abdomen, ejaculating, and then leaving. Like, imagine a migosp with 3 inch wide gladius blade for a dong thrusting into your gut and pumping semen into your body cavity while you bleed out. Gut wounds are a really horrible way to go, and that would just make it worse. If you survive, you are pregnant. Congrats. They call it “traumatic insemination”.

Be happy you are a human.
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