The Hills Have Plumbers

The Hills Have Plumbers

A parody story of the Hills Have Eyes involving a short vacation that Mario, Luigi, Toad, Donkey Kong and Princess Peach take into the mountains, where they encounter a cannibalistic family of Koopas...and they must escape...

published on June 04, 20188 reads 4 readers 0 not completed
Chapter 1.

The Breakdown

What happened was true...*Horror music*

It all started on a family vacation...which took a turn for the worst...*Horror music* Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach, Toad and Donkey Kong all took a trip in the mountains, the calm mountains. And as they drove, they  felt almost a presence watching them in plain sight. In plain sight...but in the meanwhile, they sat making campfire stories in the car as they drove. Singing bottles of beer on the wall.

"Mario! Would you stop singing that? I'm trying to drive, here!" said Peach.

"Oh cheer up, Peach. We'll be at the Grand Canyon in no time," said Mario.

"Thank you, gosh," said Peach.

"Where I can sing and bug you even more," said Mario.

Peach groaned. The car then began to stop. Peach tried to start up the car again. No luck.
"That's weird, the transmission isn't working," said Peach.

"Oh my pineapple Peach, you suck at cars. Here, let the car master figure out this one," said Luigi.
Luigi got up out of his seat and tried fixing the car. He looked into the motor, the hood, nothing worked. Luigi looked around puzzled by the car.

"Huh. Must be...out of gas or something," said Luigi.

"See? I told you," said Peach.
Luigi groaned.

"Okay listen, there's probably a gas station somewhere around here, maybe if we find one, we can hook up the car to the gas machine and then continue our trip," said Toad.

"And how are we gonna reach a gas station when the car broke down, genius?" asked Luigi.

"Oh, get lost, Luigi," said Toad.

"Oh no, don't you tell me to get lost, you dumb store manager!" yelled Luigi.

Toad punched Luigi after getting out of the car. Luigi started bleeding. Luigi started to get mad and charged at Toad. Peach walked into the middle of Toad and Luigi and spread her arms apart.

"Stop!! Luigi. Toad. We have to work together to get this car to the gas station, alright? We can't really do that if you two fight like children," said  Peach.

Toad and Luigi sigh.

"Well, what are we looking 'round for? Let's start pushin'!" said Donkey Kong.

Kong, Luigi, Mario, Peach and Toad all started pushing the car along the dessert road. It was a sandy road, with dustballs floating around, and a cactus here and there. And there were mountains far away. But you could see the outline of them. They kept pushing until they came upon a small abandoned gas station.

"Oh, thank god," said Toad.

They pulled the car up to the station, and started to fill it up with gas. Only problem was, the gas machine wasn't working. Luigi looked at the numbers on the machine. No gas was coming into the car. Luigi hit the machine multiple times.

"You stupid gas machine! Been pushing a car for 5 @#$%&* miles! Screw this, man!" said Luigi.

"Calm down, man. Calm down. There's gotta be a station operative around here," said Donkey Kong.

"Oh, station man! Oh, station man! He's not here, genius. So you tell me why we're out here in the middle of nowhere, with no #@$%*& gas!!!!!" yelled Luigi.

A man came lurking out of the doors of the gas station. He had an enlarged head, with poor teeth and what looked like very poor health. He looked almost frightening, but the gang was almost happy to see such a freak at the time, so they could get back on the road.

"You said something about the gas?" asked the man.

"Who are you?" asked Mario.

"Well, I'm Pluto Mountain, owner of this here gas station. How can I help you kind folks?" asked Pluto.

"Well Pluto, we're in kind of a hurry, and we're on vacation, so we kind of need help with the gas in our car. We hiked all the way here, but there's no gas," said Peach.

"Oh, well that's a mighty shame. Our machines haven't been functioning so well lately. But we'd be honored to have you spend the night with us. You just might be in luck. Tonight we're having something very special on the menu. Very special, indeed," said Pluto.

"What are we having? Cause it better be good, none of that cheap food," said Luigi.

Peach bumped Luigi on the shoulder looking at him with the look. Luigi sighed.

"Oh, I can't tell you what's on the menu," said Pluto.

"Why?" asked Mario.

"It's a surprise. An old fashioned family recipe," said Pluto.

"You have a family up here, Pluto?" asked Peach.

"Yep, and they're mighty fine folks. I'd be honored to show you my dear family, if you'll just come with me," said Pluto.

Pluto started walking to the far right, where you could just see the outline of the mysterious mountains. Luigi gulped as Peach, Donkey Kong and Toad all followed Pluto.

"Mario, I've got a bad feeling about this," said Luigi.

"Really? A bad feeling? Like when you decided not to enter the lottery and the next person who came to enter the lottery won? Trust me, Luigi, I know a tad bit more than you do," said Mario.

Luigi sighed and walked along with the rest of the gang. Pluto walked the gang up to a big mountain cave with a small wooden shack next to it. There were tons of people on the shack and in the cave. All seeming to be more hideous than the other. But it's the inside that counts, right?
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