Priceless (A MIKA Fanfic) (Remake)

Chapter 18

(Trigger warning - self harm.)

When I got home from school, the first thing I did was go into my bedroom and open the bottom drawer of my bedside cabinet. I took out my plastic box of blades, and I brought it into the bathroom.

I didn't really know what I was doing, but all I knew was that I needed to let this awful feeling out of me somehow. I needed to feel something other than sadness.

I had promised Mica that I wouldn't self harm again, so I felt guilty that I was about to do it. But he didn't love me anymore, so why would he care if I did it again?

I sat down on the toilet seat, and I rolled up the sleeve of my school blazer like I had done last time. I took a blade out of the box, and I brought it to my wrist. I made a single cut, and instantly felt relief. I didn't want to calm myself in this way, but it was the only way I really knew how to.

But I still felt bad, and one cut wasn't enough. So I did it again. And again. And then after a few minutes, my whole arm was covered in red lines, blood appearing each time I did it.

I thought that would be enough, and that I would be able to stop there. But Mica's words kept echoing in my head, and I still couldn't get rid of the awful feeling.

"I've thought about it, and I've realised that you're just pathetic. I just pretended to like you because I felt sorry for you. Who would even love the girl that doesn't speak anyway?"

So I pulled my school shirt up, and I then made several cuts on my hips. It hurt, but I would rather have felt this than the pain I had felt today. But even after doing that, I still didn't feel better. I felt as if there was a small part of the sad feeling left, and I needed to get rid of it.

Mica had said that we would always have each other, but now we didn't. Because he probably hated me.

He had said that the only opinions that mattered were the ones of the people that cared about me, and that his opinions of me were the truth. But now his view on me wasn't good at all, and that meant that what he had said about me was true.

I pulled down my school pants, and I took the blade to my thighs. I cut myself again, and then I suddenly felt as if I couldn't stop. I kept making cuts across my thighs, and I didn't stop until they were covered in marks. That was when I finally felt as if I was completely relieved of the horrible feeling. I leaned back against the toilet, and I breathed out.

I looked down at what I had done to myself, and I almost cried at what I saw. It seemed as if every part of me was a mess, and I was covered in cuts. I ripped some toilet paper off the roll, and I dabbed at the blood with it. Then I placed the blade back in the plastic box, and I winced as I pulled my school pants back up. I went to the sink and tried to clean the cuts on my arm before rolling my sleeve back down. I didn't really know what to do about the cuts on my hips and thighs, so I just left them and hoped they would heal up soon.

Then I picked up the box, and I left the bathroom. When I got back into my room, I put it back in the bottom drawer of my bedside cabinet and thought about how I had to go to school again tomorrow. I really didn't want to, because it just made me feel horrible, and I was almost scared of seeing Mica after what he had said to me.

I sighed, and I decided that I would just try and get through whatever was going to happen.