"My life's a mess, my parents are stupid weebs, my brother can somehow read my mind, we're currently out of strawberry milk and worst of all... I'm surrounded by mildly attractive guys who show literally no interest in me." ~slow updates~ ~shitty writing~ ~i promise i'll continue this crap~ ~this is south park so possible offensive content~

published 22 days ago5 reads 5 readers 0 not completed

Not to be racist or anything but Asians sUU-

South Park x reader

Chapter 1
{Not to be racist or anything but Asians are DFCVGBHN}

“Cartmen you fat shit, everyone knows that Jew’s hide their gold under the mattress!” I heard a loud sigh beside me as, said Jew ,rubbed his temples with a frown on his face.

“Fucc you (Y/n).” Kyle groaned.

Hi that beautiful piece of regret you see right there is me, (Y/n) (L/n). About 3 days ago I moved to this glorious town which 100% is not as stupid as Fumi’s GPA. Fumi is my older brother, but his whole ass name is Naofumi. We aren’t even Asian, our parents are just stupid weebs who decided to name their kids after anime characters. Our parents fugged us up before we even stood a chance in this cruel world.
Least I wasn’t called ‘Hatsune Miku’ as a whole FIRST name.
Yeah, that’s what my mother tried naming me. Please send help.
Aight imma go to when I first went to this lovely shit hole, bring us all up to date ya know?
I stared out the window boredly, resting my head on my hand, which was perched on the car window. “This is going to be great fun! Nico nico nii!” exclaimed my mother, as me and Fumi winced at the cursed phrase. “C’mon guys, this is going to be a great experience! For all of us…. Let’s go plus ultra!” Dad yelled with such raw heathenry that I actually think my soul died 420 times.  
“I’m ashamed to be in the same solar system as you.” Fumi scowled, crossing his arms and looking like a little bitch boy.
“Shut up, go commit not alive you swine.” I spat.
“Go Mcfuck yourself edge lord.” He retorted back whilst our parents slammed their heads to ‘Rolling girl’ by their literal god Miku. After about 3 more hours of insufferable pain dad pulled up In front of a pretty normal looking house, by my standards anyway. No giant inflatables of Jojo characters was a good start.
“What do you guys think?  Pretty Muda Muda amirite?” Dad asked as Fumi face palmed.
“Why’s it so big?” Fumi then asked.
“That’s what she said.” I snickered with a wide grin on my face.
“You’d know wouldn’t you? Lesbian ass lookin haircut.”
“Stop flexing your hetero on me you nasty child.”
I hadn’t realized but mom and dad had already walked on inside, setting up all their dumb merch no doubt. This is why I will never be able to bring friends around.
“As if you actually have any friends you outcast.” Fumi spoke coldly, with his arms behind his back with a stupid smirk on his face. We have like this twin thing going on where we can read each other’s minds. bUt LiKe We AiN’t EvEn TwInNiEs.
“I don’t like your tone you Debby Downer.” I pointed accusingly, my eyes narrowed. Not even 5 minutes of being moved in and I could see a family of 4 making their way over to us. A woman with red hair smiled at us. “So nice to see some new people in the neighborhood!” She exclaimed, the lady was LOUD. ‘Don’t mess up first impressions you noob.’ Fumi spoke telepathically.
‘Sure ya should be sayin that to me?’
“Nice to meet you, I’m Naofumi (l/n) but I go by Fumi.” He greeted them with the most respectful tone possible for the human body. “This is my sister (Y/n)  (l/n).” He then added, motioning towards me. “Sorry, our parents are busy right now.” I apologized (they obviously weren’t).
“Oh, well I’m sure we can meet soon, I’m Sheila Broflovski, This is my husband Gerald.” I could smell it.. I could smell.. the Jew. She seemed to pushing a boy my age in front of her. “It’s rude to not introduce yourself Kyle!” she scorned. Kinda ruined his intro their lady. He sighed a little and pulled this little hat thing he had on further down. “I’m Kyle,” he repeated. “Yeah I guessed that.” I snickered, Fumi staring him down.
‘Smells like a ginger.’
‘You smell like a ginger you oaf.’
‘Take that back or I’ll tell Santa what you did to his elf on the shelf.’
I had nothing to say to that. “Why don’t you bring (Y/n) to meet all your friends Kyle?” Sheila asked, he reluctantly agreed, not like the guy had a choice.
We started walking on ahead, this Kyle kid seemed like he was trying to think of something to say and finally came up with. “Are you Asian?” I nearly choked on my spit. “Boy do I LoOk Asian to you?”
“Well no.. it’s just the names-“
“My parents are stupidly obsessed with Japanese stuff, that’s why.” He stifled back a little laugh. “What like anime?” I nodded my head with a frown.
“Do you have any idea how traumatizing it is for your mom and dad to start screaming the Fairy Tail opening in scarily good Japanese? That shit screws you up man.”
“Little glad I didn’t have to meet them then.” He spoke thankfully.
“Wish I coulda had the luck to say the same thing.”
We continued to shit talk people in our life, Kyle really seemed to hate this one guy called Cartmen holy shitu.
I just barged into some kids house, his mom cleaning dishes or something. She smiled at me and did all the friendly introduction stuff but I was more just wanting to meet the Jew’s friends.
I skipped out into the backyard, a group of boys all screaming at each other, or mostly a fat ass screaming at the others whilst they questioned why on earth they hang round with the guy. Fatty McI’mUncreative immediately turned to me, pointing with such raw power it nearly knocked me over.
“It’s a bitch!”
“Mate my dicks’s bigger than yours.” A loud w h e e z e escaped Kyle’s mouth as some guy in a puff ball hat covered his mouth in an attempt to not laugh.
“Shut up you stupid bitch!” He exclaimed, clenching his fists angrily as I was more having a staring contest with some guy in an orange parka, he was starin a little lower than where my actual eyes are. Lazy eye or something. B l i n k. “Ha you blinked you fuggin disappointment!” I yelled at him as the guy just narrowed his eyes out of confusion. ”Kenny dammit  stop it.” Kyle sighed, shaking his head.
“This is (Y/n) (l/n), my new neighbor.”
“You Asian or something?” Cartmen asked literally pulling his eyes back to do that weird racist thing people used to do.
“No.” I scoffed running a hand through my (h/l) (h/c) hair, a displeased look on my face, as if I were annoyed by his actions even though I’m legitimately so lazy I don’t have the energy to be annoyed about anything.
“I’m an Aussie you asswipe.”

(1202 words besides this part)
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