The Complete Stupid Questions to Ask Guide1. After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
2. Can you get cavities in your dentures by eating artificial sugar?
3. Do fish get thirsty?
4. How do they get the deer to cross at that road sign?
5. How do you know when you’ve run out of invisible ink?
6. How does a thermos know whether the drink should be hot or cold?
7. If a candle factory burned down, would everyone just stand around it and sing “Happy Birthday”?
8. If a fly had no wings, would you call him a walk?
9. If Barbie’s so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
10. If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does the rest have to drown too?
11. If you throw your cat out the car window, does it become kitty litter?
12. Is a small pig called a Hamlet?
13. Since Microsoft is so big, shouldn’t it be called Macrosoft?
14. What do chickens think we taste like?
15. What do sheep count if they can’t sleep?
16. What do you call a male ladybug?
17. If you’re bald, what do they put as hair color on your license?
18. What is the speed of dark?
19. What does cheese say when it gets its picture taken?
20. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
21. When day breaks, who fixes it?
22. When night falls, who picks it up?
23. When I erase a word, where does it go?
24. When the clock was first invented, how did they know when to set it at?
25. When people lose weight, where does it go?
26. When you wear a sheet for Halloween, are you a ghost or a mattress?
27. Where did Webster look up the words for his dictionary?
28. Where do they get spring water during the other three seasons?
30. Where does your lap go when you stand up?
31. Who was the first person to watch an egg come out of a chicken’s butt and think, “Breakfast!”?
32. Who was the first person to look at a cow’s udders and think, “I’m gonna squeeze those dangly things and drink whatever comes out.”?
33. Why are highways built so close to the ground?
34. Why do we slow down in a speed zone?
35. Why can’t we tickle ourselves?
36. Why do flamingos stand on only one leg?
37. Why do hot dogs come in packages of ten, when the buns come in packages of eight?
38. Why do they call it life insurance?
39. Why is chili called that when it’s hot?
40. Why do they make scented toilet paper?
41. Why do they report power outages on the television?
42. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
43. Why do doctors call what they do “practice”?
44. Why don’t they make mouse-flavored cat food?
45. If electricity comes electrons, does morality come from morons?
46. Why aren’t blueberries blue?
47. Why do toasters have a setting that burns your toast to an inedible crisp?
48. If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in the boat?
49. If the cab driver drove backwards, would he owe you money?
50. Why are softballs hard?
51. How come you press harder on the remote when the battery is dead?
52. If I have 5 rabbits and I subtract 8 turtles, how many chipmunks do I have?
53. Is it safe to lick a bug zapper?