My MemoirEver since when I was in the 2nd grade, I was determined to become a doctor; one who can help a lot of people heal from their injuries. I also wanted to earn a lot of money so that in the future I can take care of my mom when she gets older and I can help my older sister and brother with any problems they may have. I wanted to impress my family that I can work hard and become a doctor. But my goal to become a doctor changed during my 5th grade summer vacation at JCPenny.
My mom, brother, sister, and I went to the Manhattan Mall on 34th street. We were looking forward to shop for many clothes that we liked. I was so excited that I was smiling from ear to ear, the sun shining upon my face causing my dark brown eyes and my bright white teeth to glisten. I was leaping with joy and every step I took towards the front doors of the mall made my heart beat with anticipation. I really hoped that my mom would buy me clothes!
We entered the mall through the crowded glass doors. The mall was filled with people as we heard the chatters, murmurs, and shouts coming from people around us. There were many small stores in the mall, but our main focus was to go to JCPenny. So, we walked towards the escalator that led to JCPenny, with my arm looped around my mom’s arm. I couldn’t bear the excitement and so I skipped towards the escalator with my silky brown hair, tied in a ponytail, flapping up and down, hitting against the back of my tanned neck. We stood on the escalator, gripping onto the black rubber handle on the side, as it slowly brings us to the platform. We were greeted by JCPenny workers, handing out coupons to us and it says, “$10 off if you buy $25 or more.” “This isn’t a really good deal, but perhaps we may use that much money anyways,” I said to my mom.
“Well, we’ll have to see if there is any nice clothing that we may buy,” my mom said.
“True,” my brother agreed.
“Oh my god, look over there!” my sister shouted, as she shook my shoulder and pointed towards the escalator.
“What?” I asked. “Oh.”
There on the escalator were two mid-aged women leaning against the stairwell of the escalator, with blood covering parts of their head. They cried with agony as they held their heads with their hands. My mouth was wide open and my eyes were opened so wide that I felt like my eyeballs were going to pop out. Hundreds of thoughts were running through my head. “Oh my god, how did this happen? Why are they covered with blood? This is so scary,” I thought to myself. A puddle of deep red blood surrounded the escalator, terrifying and shocking me. The JCPenny guards rushed to the two women, asking if they were fine and called 911. The escalator stopped working and people began crowding around the scene.
“Oh my god! That was so scary. I literally saw a woman rolling down the escalator, toppling over the woman in front of her. I feel so bad for them!” my sister said, with both her hands on the sides of her head.
“What happens if I become a doctor and saw my patient like these two women, crying in pain of their bloody head? What happens if I am unable to help them and instead killed them? What happens if my patient came with an even more serious condition and I messed up the process of saving them and instead killed them?” I thought. I can’t take it if I happen to kill my patient by accident. I can’t accept this guilt and remorse if this ever happens. I decided right at that moment that I will not become a doctor. I cannot pursue a life of guilt and remorse if that’s how it is to become a doctor. It’s just too much to take. So I said to my mom, “I don’t really want to become a doctor anymore.”
“Why?” my mom asked, her face full of bewilderment.
“Because I do not want to kill anyone when I’m saving my patient. It’s scary to see them die in front of me,” I replied.
“Okay,” my mom nodded.
“I know it’s weird to think of this all of a sudden, but I just happen to think of this. I won’t regret my decision,” I declared.
“Okay, that’s fine, if that’s what you want,” my mom said.
This event in my life is significant because it made me realize how in this world, nothing is perfect. It made me notice that not everything is made the way you want it to be. In particular, I wanted to become a doctor, helping other people, but on the other hand, I don’t want to unintentionally hurt them instead. I know that either result is possible to happen when it comes to saving a life of a person. I know that there are some risks when saving a person, but this event made me envision on how complicated and complex it is when dealing a wounded person in reality. It is stressful to think of what doctors have to go through during the days they work and I do not want to go through what some doctors do.
It is hard to make the decisions that are fit for myself. This event had made me think a step further on how reality is like, and because of that, I am unsure of what my goal is to be in the future. Hopefully, one day, I will find an occupation that I may want to be and that is preferable to me in the future.