Quotes!

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So people say that sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt them. So I proved them wrong and threw a dictionary at them.

Sleep is our drug, our beds are our drug dealers, alarm clocks are the police, school is jail and we are the prisoners.

The third weekend of September was um... different. Friday was fun, Saturday was really nice to me, but Sunday just wouldn't stop screaming: "Get a life!"

My friend said that onions are the only food that can make you cry, so I proved her wrong and threw a coconut at her.

They say nothing is impossible, but I've been doing it for years.

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.

Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.

Actual meanings of various terms: TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on. HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems. IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry. INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?