Bleeding HeartRiiiiiiing! Riiiiiiing! Riiiiiiing! I stretched my arm weakly towards the alarm clock and shut it off. Slowly, I opened my eyes midway, looking at the clock: 6:30 A.M. I stretched out my arms with full strength this time and quickly kicked myself off the bed. I then dashed out of my bedroom, into the bathroom.
I looked at the mirror, observing my complexion. Dark pink spots and pimples equally spread across my face, making my face look pink with a plethora of blackheads. My long, frizzy, brown strands of hair were tangled in little clots. My puny, brown colored eyes are so petite that I could barely see the brown on my eyeball. My blue Mickey Mouse shirt is stained from coffee that I drank last night while studying for my social studies test. I sighed and thought to myself, why do I have to look so ugly? "Jessie!" my mom shouted.
I quickly shot up and screamed, "Yea?"
"Hurry up! You only have ten minutes left before the school bus gets here!"
Uh-oh, I thought. I quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face within a minute, then ran down the stairs, and sat on the chair that lied next to the dinner table. I quickly gobbled down my eggs and ham on the plate, gulped down my glass of milk, and randomly threw a Hello Kitty t-shirt and a pair of jeans on. Finally, I grabbed my backpack and ran out of the door.
As I stepped out from the door, the bright sun shined upon my face - its heat burning my face. The gust of wind blew my hair making it sway from side to side. The leaves on the trees brushed against each other. The little brown birds chirped its lovely song. I was so mesmerized by it that I didn't notice the school bus had approached.
I ran to the bus and suddenly realized that I still had my monkey slippers on! "Bus driver, can I go back to my house and wear a pair of sneakers?" I asked.
"Sorry, no can do because there's too many people on this bus who will have to wait for you. So, you'll have to wear these slippers for the rest of the day," the bus driver said with his deep, stern voice.
I walked in the bus and muttered, "Fine, be that way then."
"What?" the bus driver said.
"Nothing, you probably heard a fly buzzing," I replied, with a smirk on my face.
I sat down as the bus began to move. People around me glanced at me, and then looked down at my slippers. Some girls giggled, some snickered, and some whispered. I looked at my slippers. I thought to myself: they're not that bad, are they?
I looked at the window, noticing that the view is too blurry to see clearly because of how swift the bus driver was driving. The bus stopped a couple of time before it finally reached to my stop: my school, Woodkin's Elmo High School.
I got off the bus as the door opened. As I walked to the school yard, I hear students screaming, talking, whispering, giggling, and laughing. My skin prickled when I got closer to the yard and my heart skipped a beat when I saw Sean and his group of friends.
I quickly walked to the yard, acting as if I did not see Sean. Every step closer I got to the yard, my heart pounded faster, and a drop of sweat trickled on my face. Please don't see me, please don't see me, I thought.
Once I went into the yard, Sean automatically spotted me. He and his group walked towards me and Sean said, "Hey Pimplegirl!" His group snickered. I continued walking, ignoring what he said. "Why aren't you talking to me? You're scared?" Sean said as he laughed.
"No! You're just some mean dude who thinks he's all that. Why don't you talk to me politely instead of being mean? Actually, I don't even want to talk to someone who's rude like you, Sean." I snapped back.
"Umm, Pimplegirl, get your facts straight. I'm not rude nor mean, but I'm speaking the truth, and I'm stating the facts! You're ugly, your face is full of pimples, your eyes are small, you're a geek, and you're just full of problems! By the way, nice slippers!" Sean shouted.
Those words penetrated through me. It stabbed me through my heart, tearing my heart into strips and pieces. My mouth quivered, my eyes became watery, and I could hardly breathe. Am I really what he said? I thought. My heart feels like a piece of glass, shattering into billions of pieces. I feel like the world hates me.
I stroked my rigged face, feeling drips of tears rolling down my cheeks rapidly. I gasped for air, choking on my saliva. I screamed with agony and began crying.
"Crybaby, Cryababy! Pimplegirl is crying! Oh my god she's crying!" Sean chanted as he laughed and pointed at her to his group.
Those words hurt me even more, causing a thousand times more pain. I couldn't hold it anymore and I began to run, still hearing the chants from Sean and his group. I didn't know where I was running to, but I did not care at this very moment. I bit my lips, feeling a flash of pain that hurt a lot. My tears blurred my vision and suddenly I crashed into Jake. "Owww!" Jake shouted.
"Sorry," I mumbled.
"What happened?" he asked with a concerned face.
"Nothing," I murmured as I sniffed.
"Tell me the truth!" he said.
I began crying all over again and told him everything that had happened. I hugged him tightly as I cried. He stroked my hair and softly said, "It's fine. It's fine."
His silky, blondish brown messy hair smelled like shampoo and his comforting words soothed and calmed me down. My tears wet his shirt and his hair, but I didn't really feel like wiping it off. I felt like a little girl when Jake tried to calm me down when I felt more than just that to him. "We're going to tell the dean," Jake demanded.
I let go of him automatically and abruptly said, "No. If we did, Sean and his group would just be suspended for a few days, and then afterwards, he'll bully me even more for what I did to him!"
"Okay, fine. I obey what you say," Jake said.
We heard the bell rang and we walked inside to the school. I wiped my tears with my sleeve, and acted as if nothing happened.
The whole day of school was perfectly fine after that. I even went back home peacefully too, not that I get bullied after school. Once I got back home, I received a text message that said, "Crybaby, Crybaby, you're just a Pimplegirl!" from anonymous.
I began to cry again. I crouched my back as I sat on the couch at my living room and thought, why do I have to get bullied? Why do I have to be so ugly?
I suddenly heard someone's keys jingling and that person is flimsily trying to open the door, and I immediately stopped crying and wiped my tears. My mom opened the door and automatically asked, "Are you alright Jessie? Your eyes are red. What happened Jessie?"
"No, nothing happened," I said.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Yes," I said, even though what I really wanted to say was no, there is a guy bullying me in school and I really need you to comfort me.
"Okay, I trust you," she said warily.
She placed her grocery bags in the kitchen and began to cook. I walked to my room, rewinding what happened in the morning and the text that I just received. I shook my head, shaking those memories away, and did my homework.
The next morning, I received another text. It said, "You'll always be a crybaby and you'll always be Pimplegirl! Hehe. From, anonymous." I automatically knew it was Sean.
As I held my phone, my hands shook and my lips trembled. Why does he always bully me? Ever since 6th grade, Sean always bullied me because of how ugly I looked and then in 7th grade, he called me Pimplegirl because of the new pimples that erupted on my face. He loves the fact that I cry almost every time when he calls me Pimplegirl, and there, he always called me Pimplegirl. Jake is my only friend that truly cares about me and comforts me, but I feel so bad that he nearly has to help me every day.
I can't stand this agonizing pain that I get when Sean calls me Pimplegirl. I'm in 10th grade already, and he still calls me Pimplegirl, and I still can't stop crying from it. I hugged my teddy bear and placed my phone on my bed. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I sniffed. I squeezed my teddy bear so tightly that I felt my teddy bear was going to burst. I just hope Sean won't bully me today.
I buried my head on my teddy bear, sniffing. I didn't care if I had to go to school right now, at this moment because I just feel like... dying, choking myself. My mom opened my bedroom door and then I could see she was full of shock. I immediately covered myself with my blanket.
"What happened sweetie?" my mom asked.
My mom walked towards me and sat on my bed, placing her hand on my back. "It's alright. You can cry all you want, but please, tell me what happened. I worried about you ever since you were in 9th grade. I noticed that you became so dull and I was just hoping that you'll tell me what happened someday, but you never did. Just tell me please," my mom pleaded.
I took the blanket off of my head and hugged her tightly, and began crying all over again. "I really want to tell you mom, but it's better off if I don't tell you. Dad left us last year and you never told me if you were okay. You just accepted it like it's fine that dad left us but I know that you're not fine; you're actually really hurt inside. It's still hurting me too that dad left. This problem that I'm having is the same. I do not want to talk about it, but I just want you to be there for me, to comfort me when I need you. That's all I want. Just try to erase the bad memories and keep the good memories," I said.
My mom started tearing and sniffing. So then, we were just crying while hugging each other tightly. "I'm so sorry that I hid my feelings inside of me and I never told you how I felt. I would try my best to accommodate your needs from me and act like what a responsible parent would do. So, I will always be there for you, Jessie," my mom said softly. My mom let go of me and then looked at her watch. "It's 8:00 now. You still have to go to school. How about I bring you to school through the subway? Fine with you?" my mom asked as she wiped her tears with her sleeve.
I smiled weakly and said, "Sure."
I leaped off my bed and did my morning routine to brush my teeth, wash my face, eat breakfast, and get dressed. After that, I went to school with my mom. When I got there, it was 8:45 A.M. I was early to school for five minutes, but during this time of the day, everyone is inside the school. I gave my mom a goodbye kiss before I went into my school and then, I went inside. In the long gray hallway, I saw Jake talking to Melissa, a popular girl who knows just about everything, and it made me wonder, what can he possibly talk about with Melissa when he hates her?
As I walked to my math class, Melissa ran to me, and said, "Come with me right now."
"Why?" I asked.
"Just come," she said.
So, I followed her to the bathroom. Then she said, "I know you like Jake, don't you?"
"How did you know?" I asked.
"How do I not know? I'm Melissa, duh. And I have to say, you got some pretty good taste, but you're not going to get him because I want him. So get your butt off of him and leave him alone because he says he doesn't want to talk to you anymore. Also, he says he doesn't like you because you're so ugly, who would even like you at all? So, don't go near him Pimplegirl because I know when you will. If you do, there'll be consequences," she said as she pushed me to the wall.
"You're telling me to do something when I have my own freedom to do whatever I want?" I said. "I don't think so, and I'll do what I want to do because I won't do something that I wouldn't want to do, Melissa," I said as I stared at her in the eyes.
We glared at each other for a moment until someone went inside the bathroom and broke the silence. "Hey Melissa!" a girl said. Melissa waved at her and I used this time to leave, but I could feel her glaring at me.
I went to my math class, and then my following three classes. Once I went to all of those classes, I went to lunch and saw Jake in the lunchroom. I jumped behind him and said, "Boo!" He jumped up, terrified. "You got scared so easily today," I snickered.
"Leave me alone, Jessie. I can't-"
"Hi Jake!" Melissa said with a smile.
"Hey Melissa," Jake said.
Melissa walked next to him, and shouted, "Everyone stop what you're doing. I have to announce that me and Jake are dating!" She held his hands and raised them up.
"Really Jake? You're seriously dating Melissa?" I asked with an upset face. He looked at me and then Melissa. Melissa just smiled back at him. "Yea," he replied softly.
"I don't believe you," I said, shaking my head.
"How about if he kisses Melissa in the lips for five seconds? Will that prove it?" a guy said.
"Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!" a group of students chanted.
Melissa smiled at Jake, and Jake hesitantly moved his head towards Melissa. Jake closed his eyes and kissed her in the lips. Melissa hugged him tightly, kissing back harder, with her tongue locked in his mouth. "Ooooooo," everyone said, except for me. I shook my head not accepting what I see, and ran away, starting to tear up. I ran in the bathroom, crying, my heart shattered. That little good piece that is left of my heart is broken, and I just can't believe Jake kissed Melissa. How could he? He told me he hated her ever since he was in 7th grade. How can he like her now? Do people change over time?
My phone vibrated, indicating that there's a new text. I took my phone out of my pocket and the text says, "See, I told you Jake's mine. Better luck next time, Pimplegirl," from Melissa. I dropped my phone, my hands shook uncontrollably and I screamed so loud, I could feel the walls shattering and crumbling. Why? Why? Why do all the bad things happen to me? Why me? I thought. My tears dripped to the floor and I sobbed and lamented. I slid myself into the little corner of the bathroom and cried. When I could no longer cry, I walked out of the bathroom and I saw Sean. No, it can't be Sean, I thought.
"Hey Pimplegirl! You're crying again? What a shame. I've never see you not cry before! Well that's because you're a crybaby! Pimplegirl is crying! Pimplegirl is crying! Well, I have to leave now Pimplegirl. So bye Pimplegirl or Crybaby!" Sean said and walked to the lunchroom.
My whole body shook, and my lips trembled. This can't be happening! Why? Why? I screamed, making a shrilling sound that echoed the hallway. I put both my hands on my head, thinking, why do I have to be bullied? Why me? Why does Melissa have to steal Jake away from me? Why does Sean have to call me Pimplegirl and Crybaby? I ran out of the school and back to my home.
My mom is not at home, since she's at work now. I can't take this pain anymore. I feel like dying! I feel like killing myself. I went to the kitchen, ransacking through the kitchen tools, trying to find something that could ease my pain. Suddenly I thought, should I kill myself with a knife? That's the most easiest way. Yea, I should kill myself with a knife by slicing my wrist multiple times in the sink. That should be enough and I won't really dirty the house. I took a knife out of a drawer, still feeling the agonizing pain in my heart. I held the knife shakily and took a deep breath.
The glimmer of the knife is bright and the sharpness of it is enormous. I slowly placed the blade on my wrist. I then slowly cut my wrist at the sink. The blood gushed out so quickly, my whole wrist is bleeding. I yelped with pain as I bit into my lips. I slowly cut my wrist again, the same result happening again. I bit onto my lips again with extreme pain. I then sliced my wrist again, with more blood gushing out. I dropped the knife, unable to hold it anymore, and dropped the knife on the floor. The pain on my wrist is too much and too much blood is coming out of my wrist. I fell on the floor hard, squeezing my hand to hold the pain in. I bit my lips, tasting the blood that is coming out of my lips too. My body felt weaker and weaker as the time ticked. An hour passed, and my wrist still gushed out blood. I saw the knife that is on the floor and weakly took the knife. I sliced my wrist once more, screaming with pain.
The blood gushed out of my wrist and my lips turned very pale. I then felt my phone vibrate, and I weakly and slowly took my phone out of my pocket. I noticed that fours hours passed already, and it's 4:00. I looked at the text and it said, "I can't believe that Jake just pushed me off when he finished kissing me. He said that he does not want my money no more and does not want to date me because he hates me. Like seriously? He hates me! He threw the two thousand dollars I gave him to be my boyfriend, since he needed money for his family. I was like oh my god! Nice way to embarrass me in front of the whole grade. He said that he doesn't want my money and feels so bad to take it because who he really likes is Jessie. He even said he loves you. Like seriously? He likes you but not me? I'm so mad," from Melissa.
I smiled weakly at the comment, "He even said he loves you." I heard pounding on the door, but the sound slowly faded. My whole body feels too weak, and I dropped my phone. I think I saw the door opened somehow and saw Jake in the house. Possibly I heard him say, "Jessie I love you! Jessie nooooo!" I wasn't sure and just smiled very weakly at the thought of Jake liking me, but we can't be together anymore. It's too late now and I'm just so sorry to my mom. Then my eyes closed and I died.