Who's Playing Romeo

Who's Playing Romeo?

Inspired by Ashton


CAST:
Stage Manager
Kyle
Shing
Confused
Shhh
Here
HuhPROPS/COSTUMES:
Theatre set-up, 7 programs, page for the names of the cast. Costumes: Dressed up for the theatre.


SETTING: Audience members are sitting in a theatre, facing the stage, with two rows of chairs, theatre style. The play has not yet begun. They have come to see the play Romeo and Juliet. Kyle and Shing are sitting in the front row. In the second row are Shhh, Huh, Confused, and Here in that order.

Stage Manager:
Hello, everyone. Thank you for coming to today's performance of Romeo and Juliet at the "Who's on First Theatre Company." The role of Mercutio, usually played by I. Don'tKnow, will be played by his understudy, Well WhaddyaKnow. The show will begin in about 10 minutes. Meanwhile, please turn off all cell phones, pagers, and beepers.

(Audience members fumble in their pockets. During all of the below, there's lot's of pre-show action, quiet whispering, looking at programs, etc. Kyle is settling in, Shing is already seated.)

Kyle:
So who's playing Romeo?

Shing:
(Looking in program.)

Who's playing Romeo.

Kyle:
That's what I wanna find out. Who's playing Romeo?

Shing:
Yes...

Kyle:
The guy playing Romeo.

Shing:
Who.

Kyle:
Romeo.

Shing:
Who.

Kyle:
The name of the actor playing Romeo.

Shing:
Who is playing Romeo!

Kyle:
I'm asking YOU who's playing Romeo!!

Shing:
That's his name.

Kyle:
That's whose name?

Shing:
That's right.

Kyle:
What?

Shing:
No, she's playing Juliet.

Kyle:
Oy!

(Kyle turns to Confused for help.)

Excuse me, can you tell me the name of the guy playing Romeo?

Confused:
Who's Romeo.

Kyle:
The guy in the play.

Confused:
Who is.

Kyle:
Romeo!

Confused:
Who's playing Romeo.

Kyle:
I don't know.

Confused:
No, he got sick.

(A beat.)

Kyle:
I'm confused.

Confused:
So am I! Nice to meet you.

(Confused shakes Kyle's hand and sits back in his seat. Kyle is bewildered, and speaks to Shhh next. Kyle points to his program.)

Kyle:
Excuse me, I could really use some help figuring out these names.

Shhh:
Sure, I'll help!

Kyle:
Great, thanks! You're so nice. What's your name?

Shhh:
SHHHH!

Kyle:
Sor- ry!

(Kyle turns to Here.)

Could you help me out here?

Here:
Of course I'll help...How'djya know my name?

Kyle:
Your name?

Here:
How did you know I'm Here?

Kyle:
How did I know you're here?

Here:
Yeah.

Kyle:
What?

Here:
No, Juliet's What. I'm Here.

Kyle:
Huh?!

(Huh comes over.)

Huh:
Yes?

Kyle:
Huh?!

Huh:
That's me! Can I help you?

Kyle:
Arrgh! I just wanna know the name of the guy playing Romeo!

Huh:
Who's playing Romeo.

(Kyle stands up, starting to lose it.)

Kyle:
Look! Can SOMEBODY tell me the name of the guy playing Romeo?

All:
Who is playing Romeo!

Kyle:
I'M OUT-TA HERE!!!

(Kyle starts to leave.)

All:
Hi, Out-ta Here!!

(Now Kyle dashes out of the theatre.)

Kyle:
AAAUUGGHHH!!