Soul Eater Skit - Cake Or Death?

Soul Eater Skit - Cake Or Death?

I wrote this awhile ago and I haven't done anything on this site for a while, so yeah. Characters: MAKA, SOUL, BLACKSTAR, TSUBAKI, DTK, LIZ, PATTY, SPIRIT, STEIN, CRONA, LORD DEATH. script includes basic stage instructions and acting guide lines. only one real piece of cake needed.

published on November 05, 20155 reads 5 readers 0 completed
Cake Or Death?

Cake Or Death?

Quick Notes: This intended for a stage performance/video use maybe. And if you were to use this/edit and use, it'd be great if you could credit me in some way. Based on Eddie Izzard's 'Cake Or Death' performance.


(there's a table up-stage-center with cake,plates and forks.LORD DEATH, DTK, SPIRIT, LIZ and PATTY start on stage. MAKA, SOUL, BLACK STAR, TSUBAKI, CRONA and STEIN enter stage-right.(TSUBAKI ,CRONA nervous,STEIN enters on his chair) everyone is quiet for a few seconds and looking at each-other.)

MAKA: Uh LORD DEATH, why were we called here sir?
LORD DEATH: I have something to ask you all-

(DTK cuts him off)

DTK: I'm sorry, my father's bored.
BLACK STAR: Well there's no need to be bored anymore! I the great BLACK ST-
MAKA: MAKA chop!

(she MAKA chops BLACK STAR on the head, he yelps)

TSUBAKI I'm sorry.
LORD DEATH: I'm going to ask some of you a question.
(to the audience) Cake or death, cause you know thats a pretty easy question I mean anyone could answer that.

(LORD DEATH runs up to SOUL and points his fingers)

LORD DEATH: cake or death?!
SOUL: Uhhh, cake please...
LORD DEATH: ...vary well, give him cake!

(SPIRIT runs to the table, but STEIN has already cut a piece of cake and has it on a plate.)

SPIRIT: I can do that.
STEIN: I'm already doing it, Senpai.

(STEIN hands the plate to SOUL. SPIRIT walks back to LORD DEATH.)

SOUL: (to both LORD DEATH and STEIN) Ah, thanks vary much, it's vary nice!

(LORD DEATH runs to TSUBAKI and points his fingers)

LORD DEATH: You! Cake or death?!
TSUBAKI: Um, cake for me too, please.
LORD DEATH: ...Vary well! Give her cake too!

(STEIN hands TSUBAKI a plate with cake.)

TSUBAKI: Thank you. c:

(LORD DEATH turns to SPIRIT and points his fingers)

LORD DEATH: Cake or death?!
SPIRIT: Uh death please! (worried) No cake cake, sorry!
PATTY: You said death first! Ah ah ah ah! You said death first! *laughs*
SPIRIT: (to PATTY, slightly angry) No- I meant cake!
LORD DEATH: Oh, all right! Be glad you're the only Death Scythe that's really a scythe!

(STEIN tries to hand SPIRIT some cake, but SPIRIT steps back)

SPIRIT: On second thought, I don't trust STEIN...

(everyone stares at SPIRIT for a few seconds)

SPIRIT: Uhhhhhh...Bye!

(SPIRIT runs off stage right.)

LIZ: Shouldn't someone stop him?
DTK: (to LIZ) SPIRIT's known STEIN for a long time, so this type behavior isn't uncommon.

(LORD DEATH points his fingers at CRONA)

LORD DEATH: CRONA! Cake or death?!
CRONA: Wah! LORD D-DEATH's pointing his f-fingers at me! I don't know how to d-deal with that!
STEIN: (to the audience) We're going to run out of cake at this rate.

(MAKA walks over to CRONA and squeezes him/her)

MAKA: It's okay, CRONA, Just answer him!
CRONA: Uhh-hh-h o-okay...C-c-ak-ke, p-pleas-se?

(during this time, STEIN took the piece cake SPIRIT rejected, and slid it under/behind his chair when nobody was looking)

LORD DEATH: Okay CRONA... that's fine

(STEIN cuts a new piece of cake for CRONA, and hands it to him/her)

BLACK STAR: (shouting) Hey! Ain't it about time I, the great BLACK STAR, the one who transcends the gods, was asked "cake or death"?!
LORD DEATH: Reaper chop!

(LORD DEATH chops BLACK STAR on the head and BLACK STAR falls to the ground)

LORD DEATH: (angry) You can wait your turn!
TSUBAKI: I'm very sorry, sir.

(SPIRIT slowly creeps back on stage, trying to go un-noted, people see him but don't say anything, STEIN appears oblivious)

LORD DEATH runs to PATTY and points his fingers
LORD DEATH: Cake or death?!
DTK: Father! She's hyper enough as it is!
PATTY: (yelling) Caaaaaaaakkkkkeeeee!!!!!!
LORD DEATH: What do you say?
PATTY: Uh, please?
LORD DEATH: That's better.

(STEIN hands her some cake)

PATTY: (yelling) Thanks!!!!

(LORD DEATH run up to STEIN and points his fingers)

LORD DEATH: Hey, cake or death?!
STEIN: Cake please.
LORD DEATH: (yelling) Well we'er outta cake! (back to normal voice) So, what do you want?

(STEIN sits on his chair)

STEIN: So my choice is "or death"?

(SPIRIT has crept up behind STEIN now, but hasn't said anything)

STEIN: Well I'll have the chicken then please!
SPIRIT: (blurts out) Taste of humans, huh?

(STEIN picks up the piece of cake he hid earlier, stands up, turns around and smashes it into SPIRIT's face. SPIRIT stands still for a bit. STEIN, MAKA, SOUL and LIZ are all smiling)

SPIRIT: (angry) S-STEIN!!

(SPIRIT runs back off stage right)

SPIRIT: (from off stage) *slup* This cake is pretty good though.
STEIN: I'll have you know, I laced that piece with (insert popular non-fatal disease/poison)
SPIRIT: (from off stage) *screams* (shrieking) The hell STEIN?! How could you do this to me?!?
STEIN: *chuckles*

(everyone else on stage is silent, looking worried. STEIN turns to them.)

STEIN: And I'll have you guys know, it's a joke, if you can't tell. You should all be fine... unless LORD DEATH did something to the cake...

Join Qfeast to read the entire story!
Sign In. It is absolutely free!
Please Rate:
5.0 out of 5 from 2 users
Add story to favorites
▼Scroll down for more stories

Comments (0)

Be the first to comment