Cake Or Death?Quick Notes: This intended for a stage performance/video use maybe. And if you were to use this/edit and use, it'd be great if you could credit me in some way. Based on Eddie Izzard's 'Cake Or Death' performance.
CAKE OR DEATH?
(there's a table up-stage-center with cake,plates and forks.LORD DEATH, DTK, SPIRIT, LIZ and PATTY start on stage. MAKA, SOUL, BLACK STAR, TSUBAKI, CRONA and STEIN enter stage-right.(TSUBAKI ,CRONA nervous,STEIN enters on his chair) everyone is quiet for a few seconds and looking at each-other.)
MAKA: Uh LORD DEATH, why were we called here sir?
LORD DEATH: I have something to ask you all-
(DTK cuts him off)
DTK: I'm sorry, my father's bored.
BLACK STAR: Well there's no need to be bored anymore! I the great BLACK ST-
MAKA: MAKA chop!
(she MAKA chops BLACK STAR on the head, he yelps)
TSUBAKI I'm sorry.
LORD DEATH: I'm going to ask some of you a question.
(to the audience) Cake or death, cause you know thats a pretty easy question I mean anyone could answer that.
(LORD DEATH runs up to SOUL and points his fingers)
LORD DEATH: cake or death?!
SOUL: Uhhh, cake please...
LORD DEATH: ...vary well, give him cake!
(SPIRIT runs to the table, but STEIN has already cut a piece of cake and has it on a plate.)
SPIRIT: I can do that.
STEIN: I'm already doing it, Senpai.
(STEIN hands the plate to SOUL. SPIRIT walks back to LORD DEATH.)
SOUL: (to both LORD DEATH and STEIN) Ah, thanks vary much, it's vary nice!
(LORD DEATH runs to TSUBAKI and points his fingers)
LORD DEATH: You! Cake or death?!
TSUBAKI: Um, cake for me too, please.
LORD DEATH: ...Vary well! Give her cake too!
(STEIN hands TSUBAKI a plate with cake.)
TSUBAKI: Thank you. c:
(LORD DEATH turns to SPIRIT and points his fingers)
LORD DEATH: Cake or death?!
SPIRIT: Uh death please! (worried) No cake cake, sorry!
PATTY: You said death first! Ah ah ah ah! You said death first! *laughs*
SPIRIT: (to PATTY, slightly angry) No- I meant cake!
LORD DEATH: Oh, all right! Be glad you're the only Death Scythe that's really a scythe!
(STEIN tries to hand SPIRIT some cake, but SPIRIT steps back)
SPIRIT: On second thought, I don't trust STEIN...
(everyone stares at SPIRIT for a few seconds)
(SPIRIT runs off stage right.)
LIZ: Shouldn't someone stop him?
DTK: (to LIZ) SPIRIT's known STEIN for a long time, so this type behavior isn't uncommon.
(LORD DEATH points his fingers at CRONA)
LORD DEATH: CRONA! Cake or death?!
CRONA: Wah! LORD D-DEATH's pointing his f-fingers at me! I don't know how to d-deal with that!
(MAKA walks over to CRONA and squeezes him/her)
MAKA: It's okay, CRONA, Just answer him!
CRONA: Uhh-hh-h o-okay...C-c-ak-ke, p-pleas-se?
(during this time, STEIN took the piece cake SPIRIT rejected, and slid it under/behind his chair when nobody was looking)
LORD DEATH: Okay CRONA... that's fine
(STEIN cuts a new piece of cake for CRONA, and hands it to him/her)
BLACK STAR: (shouting) Hey! Ain't it about time I, the great BLACK STAR, the one who transcends the gods, was asked "cake or death"?!
LORD DEATH: Reaper chop!
(LORD DEATH chops BLACK STAR on the head and BLACK STAR falls to the ground)
LORD DEATH: (angry) You can wait your turn!
TSUBAKI: I'm very sorry, sir.
(SPIRIT slowly creeps back on stage, trying to go un-noted, people see him but don't say anything, STEIN appears oblivious)
LORD DEATH runs to PATTY and points his fingers
LORD DEATH: Cake or death?!
DTK: Father! She's hyper enough as it is!
PATTY: (yelling) Caaaaaaaakkkkkeeeee!!!!!!
LORD DEATH: What do you say?
PATTY: Uh, please?
LORD DEATH: That's better.
(STEIN hands her some cake)
PATTY: (yelling) Thanks!!!!
(LORD DEATH run up to STEIN and points his fingers)
LORD DEATH: Hey, cake or death?!
STEIN: Cake please.
LORD DEATH: (yelling) Well we'er outta cake! (back to normal voice) So, what do you want?
(STEIN sits on his chair)
STEIN: So my choice is "or death"?
(SPIRIT has crept up behind STEIN now, but hasn't said anything)
STEIN: Well I'll have the chicken then please!
SPIRIT: (blurts out) Taste of humans, huh?
(STEIN picks up the piece of cake he hid earlier, stands up, turns around and smashes it into SPIRIT's face. SPIRIT stands still for a bit. STEIN, MAKA, SOUL and LIZ are all smiling)
SPIRIT: (angry) S-STEIN!!
(SPIRIT runs back off stage right)
SPIRIT: (from off stage) *slup* This cake is pretty good though.
STEIN: I'll have you know, I laced that piece with (insert popular non-fatal disease/poison)
SPIRIT: (from off stage) *screams* (shrieking) The hell STEIN?! How could you do this to me?!?
(everyone else on stage is silent, looking worried. STEIN turns to them.)
STEIN: And I'll have you guys know, it's a joke, if you can't tell. You should all be fine... unless LORD DEATH did something to the cake...