donnie_after_dark

I remember an early memory of me trying to push a shopping cart but then accidentally shoving it into the front of an aisle. It was an accident and the cart was really heavy to me, around the age of 4 or 5. I was just trying to keep up with the group of my relatives but I pushed too hard and it went flying into a cardboard stand in front of the aisle.
I don't remember their face or what they looked like but I remember a woman, maybe one of my aunts or distant relatives, grabbing See More▼ my arm and yanking me away from it and back to the group after all I did was stare in surprise. I don't remember what she said but I know it was mean and punishing and condescending.
I didn't know what I did but I knew I was scared and wanted to cry. I was scared to mess up like that because I didn't want to feel like I was a screwup.
It just seems like everything I do is bad.

i think that's enough rambles for tonight

why was travis in jail? he beat my mom one night. i was so little. i saw him hitting her and i tried to push him off her. the cops showed up and i was showing a rock to my mom.
he could've really hurt me or killed my mom. he could've killed me or held me hostage in front of the cops if he had a gun.

my mom's ex? his name was travis. god there's so much shit i remember as a kid that i hold onto like the songs my mama sung to me. "you are my sunshine", "who's the prettiest girl", "my little buttercup", "daisy", and a lot of nursery rhymes and lullabies. i was a kid. a tiny girl just growing out of toddlerhood.
travis tried to stalk me once he got out of jail. i heard people talking in the cafeteria at grade school about staying with me or a man trying to get in. there were See More▼ cops while school was being let out.

i may not know what people go through and i know i'm never gonna have had such horrible issues as them but i know about being neglected. it was from heavy depression in my family with elderly people who were falling apart and every year we try and we try but we just can't fix things up to be better

gotta admit that taking one of the most popular animals of the 2020s, a cool and fluffy and interesting character, and making this screwed-up pedophilic creep from it is a neat concept
"cute and fluffy you say? how about we make him the opposite of that"
love nerves drawing of him looking utterly evil and then saying "bro why he so evil wher is my silly guy"

i love how unnessecarily gorey nerves would make Abe's death drawings, just no restrictions. like yes crush him under a boot, i wanna see him starve to death. make him bite a live wire and fry. bro deserved it for what he did

still waiting for ch4 of caracal carousel, pretty hyped

on another note i can't express enough how tm(n)t is a nice channel for my repressed emotions
the depiction of intense childhood trauma in one of my favorite medias scratches an itch in my brain i just can't get from anything else

it's kind of upsetting to me when i realize the really messed up things that happened to me as a kid and how bad i really could've been

being held hostage in ignorant child bliss by my mom's boyfriend at the time when i was four. i remember going to build-a-bear at the time and making my first stuffed animal, a husky i named pup-pup. i never changed his name. now that i think about it, he holds a lot of repressed childhood trauma from those few weeks i was forced to stay there

i'm surprised you little ferrets are still alive
happy to see the site's finally dying now, it was always a load of bull and full of nasty kids that need therapy and a life

anyway i guess i should talk about stuff

shit